Time was, entertaining a client on Wall Street was a relatively straightforward affair. Invite them to dinner at a steakhouse, maybe hit up some kind of sporting event, round out the night at a strip club. It was a simpler time, of simpler tastes. In the last number of years, though, things have changed. Most people would prefer to hit up a spinning class rather than spend upwards of 5 or 6 hours in the presence of some insufferable sales guy, and when they do want to involve scantily-clad entertainment? Candy on Stage 5 no longer cuts it.

According to one former UBS banker, if you’re serious about winning business, you need to break out the broken glass, and if we’re talking about giving the people what they really want? Well, then we need to talk about them getting pissed on.

From an eFinancial report:

“No one really goes for pole dancers now,” one hedge fund manager tells us. “I’ve been taking my established clients to the Box in Soho instead. It’s a bit of a difficult call as it can be very outrageous – you need to be careful who you take there, but it can also be very memorable.” […] Sharon Kay, founder of Burlesque Baby, which runs a burlesque school and organizes corporate events, says pole dancing is perceived as universally trashy and that risqué corporate entertainment now takes a more stylish, vintage and bizarre approach. “Corporate clients will ask burlesque performers not to go down to their tassles,” she says. “If anything, there’s been a move away from burlesque too – it’s now much more about bizarre acts. People want crazy body stuff, like walking on glass. The new theme is the old school travelling circus, or sideshow.” Diego Lijtmaer, a former UBS banker who now runs private event company Bacanal, says financial services professionals are his key clients and that no one’s interested in pole dancing and gratuitous nudity. “People buy experiences. We don’t have strippers, but we do have dancers and sometimes they might not be fully clothed. “The stripper thing is passé in banking,” Lijtmaer adds…

Meanwhile, back at The Box the hedge fund manager says he feared things had gone too far when one of the performers urinated into a crowd which included his clients. “I was afraid I was going to be in big trouble,” he says. “But when I looked at them, they were loving it.”

Hopefully everyone here has learned something today.

Forget pole dancing. These are the risqué entertainments financiers go for now [eFinancial]
Related: At Least One Salesperson On Wall Street Still Prefers Entertaining Clients The Good Old Fashioned Way (Taking Them To Strip Clubs In The Bronx), Thank You Very Much; Who Among Us Hasn’t Tried To Order A Ballet Dancer To Boost Morale Among Fixed Income And Ended Up With A Pole Dancer?

27 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (27)

  1. Posted by Gianna | October 25, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    Wait – you want me to do WHAT??

  2. Posted by Guest | October 25, 2013 at 2:46 PM

    Get me to Hooters and all I need is a pitcher of watermelon margaritas, a couple orders of the Daytona Beach style hot wings and to have my favorite waitress Loretta flaunt her belly piercing…and my clients are happy as puppy with two tails.

    -Charlotte banker

  3. Posted by billy costigan | October 25, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    chuck gasparino just crushing the twitter game.

  4. Posted by Rogue Futures | October 25, 2013 at 2:51 PM

    Bang out a shazar in the box

  5. Posted by segoviacobain | October 25, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    This is yesterday's news. I invented this.

    J. Belfort

  6. Posted by Hayseed Aficionado | October 25, 2013 at 2:53 PM

    No NASCAR Hall of Fame?

  7. Posted by aowiefnsa | October 25, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    Don't forget to grind on your sister at the Epicenter

  8. Posted by Gartman | October 25, 2013 at 3:02 PM

    I knew you were going to retroactively claim to have invented this.

  9. Posted by Topher | October 25, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    At just 20 years young with three kids already, Loretta still gots the hottest bod in CLT!

  10. Posted by Mudslinger | October 25, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    Urinating on clients = NKI

  11. Posted by UBS MD | October 25, 2013 at 3:19 PM

    We do it metaphorically here at UBS asset management.

  12. Posted by Guest | October 25, 2013 at 3:32 PM

    Amateurs…

    – J. Gundlach

  13. Posted by OldEnergyGuy | October 25, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    Geezer, help needed here!

  14. Posted by Shaz's beard | October 25, 2013 at 3:45 PM

    No midgets?

    -Geezer Fidelity equity trader

  15. Posted by r. kelly | October 25, 2013 at 4:02 PM

    haters wanna hate
    lovers wanna love
    i don't even want
    none of the above
    i want to pee on you

  16. Posted by 4742 | October 25, 2013 at 5:39 PM

    Just wages stalled 6 years ago, and now McDonalds is my sit down meal!

  17. Posted by Chicago Bratwurst | October 25, 2013 at 5:46 PM

    It's worth it to go one step further, stretch the envelope. I take prospective clients to a place where the dancer takes a dump in their lap. When I see that smile spread across their face, I know I've got 'em.

  18. Posted by Guest | October 25, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    I've been using the broken glass Schlick with clients for years.

    – Annie Lennox, MD

  19. Posted by a side | October 25, 2013 at 8:01 PM

    Synthetically.*

    — UBS BM MD

  20. Posted by Dr. Phil | October 25, 2013 at 11:07 PM

    "Diego Lijtmaer, … says financial services professionals are his key clients and that no one’s interested in pole dancing and gratuitous nudity."

    wait…what?

  21. Posted by unwanted guest | October 26, 2013 at 11:35 PM

    Stay classy, Manhatten.

  22. Posted by JBohrer | October 27, 2013 at 2:16 AM

    Yellow is the new black

  23. Posted by Sambam | October 27, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    Lovers gonna love
    Haters gonna hate
    But if you want to impress clients
    Just eat my shate!

  24. Posted by guesst | October 28, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    Great opening bell today, could use a few more articles though.

  25. Posted by PhillySteve | October 30, 2013 at 1:47 AM

    Drip, drip, drip!

  26. Posted by Ashley Dupre, | October 31, 2013 at 8:40 PM

    Whatever toys I use–generally part of my client's fantasies. Ask Eliot at call 1-800-dupree

    NY Governor Eliot Spitzer's ex-hooker

  27. Posted by Pole dancing | November 15, 2013 at 3:37 PM

    Nice conception about the strippers and pole dancer . I've already read out your post with attentive and got good thoughts on it. Thanks and hope to see more post like that:)