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Applicant Formerly Interested In Wells Fargo Securities Analyst Program Has Epiphany

…and that would be that he’s too good for Wells Fargo, and he’s wasting his time trying to score a position with the firm. In sum, it’s not him, it’s you, a notion he expressed in an email circa 5AM on Sunday.

From: [redacted]
Sent: November 24, 2013 5:27 AM
To: [redacted at Wells Fargo]
Subject: Disregard My Application

Dear [redacted at Wells Fargo],

After thinking it over I would like to disregard my application I sent this past week out for recruitment for Wells Fargo securities. Looking at my resume again I realize I can do way way better than Wells Fargo and I don’t want to settle for less. Please don’t take it personally. Thanks for your time. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving holiday.

Cordially,

[redacted]

And the below went out circa 2AM this morning, just to emphasize the point.

From: [redacted]
Sent: November 25, 2013 1:59 AM
To: [multiple redacteds at Wells Fargo]
Subject: Not Interested

Hi,

Currently NOT interested in the Securities Analyst Program. Please stop creeping on my accounts.

Cordially,

[redacted]

HOW MANY TIMES MUST HE SAY IT?!

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102 Responses to “Applicant Formerly Interested In Wells Fargo Securities Analyst Program Has Epiphany”

  1. guest says:

    This is my favorite kind of Dealbreaker.

  2. guest says:

    amazing.

  3. guest says:

    xmas come early.

  4. Guest says:

    One less competitor!

    -UBS MD

  5. Hobbes says:

    Sounds like the kind of logic one receives while strung out after a night of banging lines.

    • guest says:

      I was thinking the exact same thing. Luckily for me in college, I tended not to open my email at 4am after doing my best snow blower impression and proceed to ruin any chance I had at getting a good job, but hey, to each his own

      • Yoper says:

        I know this clown. Sad thing is that he is a straight up loser. Talks down on women but can't get any.

        • guest says:

          This email just hit my inbox, and I work in private banking at a different BB in the midwest… after seeing the hilarious chain of forwards, this kid is beyond fucked.

  6. Shaz's beard says:

    Please tell me this genius is Shaz's replacement

  7. WFS Analyst says:

    2 years from now he will be writing a featured article on Vice.com about how he went down on a limp frat bro for a fifth of vodka.

  8. Big D says:

    Haha. What that retard doesn't realize is that letters/emails like that get forwarded to friends and, ultimately, HR at other firms. Good luck with your job search, douche.

  9. Wells Fargo CEO says:

    That carriage was powered by Shaz' shartses so we thought we were going places. But then he started 'working' at DB…

  10. Guest says:

    Sometimes dead is better.

    – High-flying third-year UBS MD

  11. Alt_EST says:

    Sure I've repeatedly and inadvisedly told prospective employers to jump up their own ass and die…probably in one of my drunken stupors.

  12. Guest says:

    Dear [redacted],

    Thank you for your continued interest in applying for a position at Wells Fargo. We appreciate your tenacity and enthusiasm in pursuing a career with our institution. Our recruiters will continue to be in contact with you by e-mail, phone, Facebook, and/or (if necessary) in person at social gatherings.

    Respectfully,

    [Redacted] at Wells Fargo, Human Resources Division

  13. Shooter McGavin says:

    Definitely went home with a fat chick.

  14. Guest says:

    Well, he's got the sense of entitlement down…

  15. Guest says:

    Well, he definitely can't be an options trader.

  16. Golf says:

    Man I hate when them HR bitches be creeping on my Google+

  17. Guest says:

    Hook 'Em!

  18. Wants Answers says:

    Need an interview with [Redacted]. Was he drunk? High? What made him think this was a good idea?

  19. Guest says:

    I wonder if he has a basis on suing wells fargo. I mean there is reasonable expectation this type of communication is private, and them sending it out was clearly in an attempt to humiliate him….

  20. Guest says:

    he should have thought more deeply about this prior to sending

    • It's still Sat Night says:

      I'm sure there was a lot of deep thinking going on at 2am on Sunday morning and then again at 5:30am on Sunday morning. Very deeeep thinking.

  21. Jeffy says:

    He and Jeffrey Chiang should become LinkedIn buddies. Hook 'em Horns!!!

  22. guestCreep says:

    LinkedIn interests include "cover music"..?

  23. Big Ern says:

    he really Munsoned himself on that one.

  24. Homer CFA says:

    I've got a hankerin for some spankerin….

  25. Guest says:

    Just hit my inbox (London), that kid was fast to cross the Atlantic.

  26. Former WF says:

    Been out of the loop for a couple of years, but isn't full-time recruiting usually over by this point for next year's analyst class? If he doesn't have a job by now, well, beggars can't be choosers.

  27. guest says:

    I was forwarded the original by a friend…his email was passed around essentially every major bank in the US. Screwed.

  28. Guest says:

    I have an e-mail originally sent out by a guy in Investment Banking an analyst named Bradley K., with the same last name as the President of Wachovia Trust, wonder if there was any nepotism involved there

    • guest says:

      I saw that same name in the email I got…. if there was nepotism, I'd at least hope he could have pulled for a non-Charlotte office

  29. Guest says:

    I knew of this guy in high school…they called him Deepthroat cause he never stopped talking.

  30. Guest says:

    I was on the original email chain and this article messed up the time stamps. The "Not Interested" email was sent this morning at 2am after he realized he was getting hundreds of LinkedIn views from bankers hahah even better story

  31. Guy who likes girls says:

    This guy is phucked.

    With a capital pH.

  32. Turnip Truck says:

    But he has a 65 combined ACT! How is Wells Fargo supposed to restrain itself?

  33. Guest says:

    This guy is actually innocent. I saw that his email address was hacked and accessed by some random IP address nowhere near his location this morning. He is genuinely a good kid, always willing to help others and always seeking help from his peers. Knowing him for all of these years he would never say or do such a thing. Just like everyone else he just wants a job and wants to be humble. I think its unprofessional on y'alls part to jump to invalid conclusions.

    • Literally Hitler says:

      So where'd you end up accepting an offer?

    • Guest says:

      haha so a random person in the middle of nowhere wrote a somewhat formal email to wells fargo? and then another one at 2AM the next day? (the real timestamp on the 2AM e-mail was 11/25, it was sent after the 5AM one) i'm sure he's a nice kid but it looks like he's a nice kid who made a big mistake

      • Guest says:

        yeah plus it was clearly a new email that he sent because he wanted to. you really think a random hacker realized he had submitted an app to WF and that they were going to get HR's email and sabotage it? hah it was clearly him

    • Guest says:

      y'alls? go learn yoself sum edumacation

    • The Principal says:

      Mr. Borat
      what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

    • Rebecca M. says:

      Can you describe how his dick tastes in less than 140 characters?

    • Guest23 says:

      I go to the same school as this guy and met him a few times…this is definitely him. He made a Facebook status (before I unfriended him) saying he wouldn't "settle for less" anymore. I'm assuming his Facebook account was hacked too? Doubtful.

    • has the text says:

      Did someone also take his phone and text the girl who summered at CS (all sic'd), "I have more more to offer intellectually, and as a person then 99% of the other retards in McCombs. I promise you a quick coffee with me will be the best time time you ever had with a person you havent met in 3 years"

      Among other valuable selling points of said coffee?

  34. Guest says:

    ^Must be the guy trying to mitigate the damage

  35. Guest says:

    ^^ Look everyone its [Redacted] trying to save face

  36. John says:

    Fake. It says "Sunday" again for Nov 25.

    Attention to detail with your jokes and fake emails…

  37. Distressed. says:

    RIP Dealbreaker.

  38. anon says:

    SOMEONE EFFIN POST HIS NAME ALREADY… or at least enough hints that my weak-ass skills with the internet machine will be able to track him down with…

    – UBS, Global Head of Bounty Hunting

  39. oulixeus says:

    haha looks like he deleted his LinkedIn

  40. guest says:

    His Facebook status before any of this happened was something along the lines of

    "If you ever settle for less you know deep down inside you will have regrets for the rest of your life."

    I'm sure someone hacked his FB to post an introspective status as well. Chinese hackers tend to do these things.

  41. IT Admin says:

    His email was compromised. I have verified this statement and there is proof circulating around as well. Whoever chose to commit this act must really want to end this kid's career.

  42. IT Admin says:

    LOL nice touch by changing your name to IT Admin. I can do that too, bro

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  44. Eric T says:

    This article is hilarious. All the Canadian banks have seen this last week too

  45. JustManagingMyPart says:

    Now go and interview woman he has messaged on OKCupid to see the fucked up shit he has sent them.

  46. Big D says:

    Well at least he can whip out the number under "WHO'S VIEWED YOUR PROFILE" like he is a BSD.

    -Guy who is trying to look on the bright side of him self-immolating any career in finance in New York

  47. Vault Ranking Quant says:

    Well, he was a junior analyst at "Prestige Economics, LLC" so, clearly anything less than "Extremely prestigious and selective capital management" would be a step down.

  48. Guest says:

    ….He sort of killed his Charlotte prospects too.

  49. .Bo says:

    "Prestige Economics, LLC is the most-accurate commodity and financial market research and consulting firm in the world…We are proud to say that Prestige Economics, LLC is the market leader in independent commodity and financial market research, and our rankings consistently beat bulge-bracket banks with multi-million dollar research budgets."

    Watch out now!

  50. Brennan Huff says:

    - The first word in economics.
    – First word.
    – Management.
    – Financial portfolios.
    – Insurance.
    – Computers.
    – Black leather gloves.
    – Research and development.
    – Putting in the man-hours to study the science of what you need.
    – Last week we put Liquid Paper on a bee… …and it died.
    – Security.

  51. Arnold Babar says:

    …. Bozeman, MT too.

  52. guest says:

    The research ability of the commentariat never ceases to amaze me

  53. .Bo says:

    I love that he has multiple comments on scenes from The Bachelor and dudes trying to pick up chicks.

  54. guest says:

    god, same. I love this site.

  55. guest says:

    Agreed. Someone just forwarded me a screenshot of an AWFUL facebook message he sent to some girl. The internet makes this all terrifyingly easy….

  56. Guest says:

    Go on…

  57. Guest says:

    Very nice

  58. Guest says:

    I'm sure he has a lot of regrets now LOL