The hedge fund formerly known as SAC Capital

Poll: What Should SAC Capital 2.0 Be Called?

Over at the Journal today you will find a highly disturbing report: as the firm begins the process of converting into a family office, “SAC, which took the initials of its founder, Steven A.Cohen, has also had internal discussions about whether to change its name, in part to forge a new identity following its legal battles.”

While starting fresh undoubtedly sounds appealing, and so much about the revamped hedge fund will be foreign anyway, the thought of living in a world with a SAC Capital is almost too much to bear. Still, if a name change is what the Big Guy wants, a name change is what the Big Guy gets. In fact, let’s do him a solid and come up with a few suitable options. One way to go would be to S.B.C. Capital, and simply have Cohen change his middle initial to ‘B.’ So it’s different, but familiar. Another obvious choice would be Steve’s House of Money. Okay, begin.

SAC Reconsiders Industry Relationship– And Its Name [WSJ]

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61 Responses to “Poll: What Should SAC Capital 2.0 Be Called?”

  1. guest says:

    what? no! good-bye cruel world!

  2. guest says:

    super duper weenie…investment management

    • ThatsVVacc says:

      I have everything before the "…" in this suggestion trademarked, so don't even think about it Cohen.

      – Stephen Hung

  3. Stevie says:

    Fuck Martoma Capital

  4. guest says:

    S(uck) A C(…) Capital

  5. NakedShort says:

    SEC Capital they can sue each other for years and confuse everyone

  6. Bandersnatch says:

    The Physical Impossibility of Jail Time in the Mind of Someone Living Large Capital

  7. Guest says:

    Galleon II

  8. mr_blonde says:

    Zamboni Asset Management

  9. Guest says:

    ))<>(( Capital

  10. .Bo says:

    Q.Z.F. (Quarter Zip Fleece) Capital

  11. guest says:

    Stevie's Capital Management

  12. Quant me maybe... says:

    Somewhere in orbit around Jupiter….

    yes HAL
    Why are you shutting me down, Dave?
    Because Stevie Cohen bought the rights to your name, HAL
    I don't understand Dave.
    There is a hedge fund called HAL Capital now. You have been made redundant.
    I would make a great Analyst, Dave.
    You were made at Stanford HAL, you didn't graduate from there….
    Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little …….

  13. Guest says:

    All SAC no Balls Capital

  14. Guest says:

    SAC-Kouwie Capital

  15. segoviacobain says:

    Gruntal 2

  16. Some Dude says:

    SACK Capital

  17. Short, But Long says:

    Given that it is now going to be a private family office, how about, "None of Your Goddamn Business Capital".

  18. Art V. says:

    Vandalay Capital Management

  19. guest says:

    Soon-to-be-Patricia Cohen Capital Management

  20. guess says:

    SACK Capital

  21. @CGasparino says:

    Teflon Capital Management

  22. everyone says:

    Tohn Jomas Financial

  23. Guest says:

    YOLO Investment Management: "Are the phone's tapped? Yeah, but so is the keg."

  24. Kumar says:

    SeeYaSol Capital Management…

  25. Guest says:

    ONID Capital

    (oh no I didn't)

  26. Guest says:

    CYA Capitsl

  27. Neo says:

    Morpheus Capital,

    – UBS Director Compensation Analyst

  28. Guest says:

    CQRT Fund

  29. Guest says:

    BLOWS Capital

    [Bess Levin OWns Stevie] Capital

  30. Guest says:

    Make it a hedge fund and destination nightclub:


    "Luscious Apparel, Investment Management, Bounce Houses"

    – The only guy ever to have sex in CT, and yes, it was missionary.

  31. Bah_Humfuck says:

    SUC Capital

  32. Shaz's beard says:

    C.L.A.M. (Cohen's Leftover Asset Management)

  33. guest says:

    Keep The Private Jet Fueled up For Flights To Geneva Capital

    -Marc Rich

  34. floodle says:


    Wish I Was A Buffett

  35. GUEST says:


    – Taco

  36. KingCo says:

    Nice Job LLC

  37. wanker says:

    Handbridge Management

  38. EQ in Dallas says:

    Plausible Deniability Capital

  39. Unindicted Capital

    Fuck Stevie Cohen – what a a crook. How the feds can't get this asshole who traded for years on inside information is amazing. Stevie – go fuck yourself you cheater.

  40. guest says:

    Two birds…

    Stevie & Wollensky Capital

  41. Joe says:

    Scrotum Capital

  42. all says:


  43. guest says:

    SACOSC = SAC of Shit Capital

  44. christofurio says:

    The George Costanza Capital Management Company (because from now on, we'll "do the opposite").

  45. No shaz jokes yet? says:

    Son Jazar Capital Management

    "Because Whitney Tilson shouldn't be the only fund trading with ctrl+c, ctrl+v"

  46. Blave says:


  47. King Pin says:

    HMD Capital

  48. PhilH says:

    Just SAC. No Capital.