Over at the Journal today you will find a highly disturbing report: as the firm begins the process of converting into a family office, “SAC, which took the initials of its founder, Steven A.Cohen, has also had internal discussions about whether to change its name, in part to forge a new identity following its legal battles.”

While starting fresh undoubtedly sounds appealing, and so much about the revamped hedge fund will be foreign anyway, the thought of living in a world with a SAC Capital is almost too much to bear. Still, if a name change is what the Big Guy wants, a name change is what the Big Guy gets. In fact, let’s do him a solid and come up with a few suitable options. One way to go would be to S.B.C. Capital, and simply have Cohen change his middle initial to ‘B.’ So it’s different, but familiar. Another obvious choice would be Steve’s House of Money. Okay, begin.

SAC Reconsiders Industry Relationship– And Its Name [WSJ]

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Comments (61)

  1. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    what? no! good-bye cruel world!

  2. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    super duper weenie…investment management

  3. Posted by Stevie | December 13, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    Fuck Martoma Capital

  4. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 12:31 PM

    S(uck) A C(…) Capital

  5. Posted by NakedShort | December 13, 2013 at 12:31 PM

    SEC Capital they can sue each other for years and confuse everyone

  6. Posted by Bandersnatch | December 13, 2013 at 12:47 PM

    The Physical Impossibility of Jail Time in the Mind of Someone Living Large Capital

  7. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    Galleon II

  8. Posted by mr_blonde | December 13, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    Zamboni Asset Management

  9. Posted by davidrusso | December 13, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    perfectly done.

  10. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    ))<>(( Capital

  11. Posted by .Bo | December 13, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    Q.Z.F. (Quarter Zip Fleece) Capital

  12. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    Stevie's Capital Management

  13. Posted by Quant me maybe... | December 13, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    Somewhere in orbit around Jupiter….

    Dave?
    yes HAL
    Why are you shutting me down, Dave?
    Because Stevie Cohen bought the rights to your name, HAL
    I don't understand Dave.
    There is a hedge fund called HAL Capital now. You have been made redundant.
    I would make a great Analyst, Dave.
    You were made at Stanford HAL, you didn't graduate from there….
    Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little …….

  14. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 1:16 PM

    All SAC no Balls Capital

  15. Posted by Bored Guest | December 13, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    Merge with the Balls Division of Capital Sports (http://balls.capitalsports-group.com/) to become Ballsac Capital?

  16. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    SAC-Kouwie Capital

  17. Posted by segoviacobain | December 13, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    Gruntal 2

  18. Posted by Some Dude | December 13, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    SACK Capital

  19. Posted by Short, But Long | December 13, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    Given that it is now going to be a private family office, how about, "None of Your Goddamn Business Capital".

  20. Posted by Art V. | December 13, 2013 at 2:09 PM

    Vandalay Capital Management

  21. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 2:24 PM

    Soon-to-be-Patricia Cohen Capital Management

  22. Posted by guess | December 13, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    SACK Capital

  23. Posted by @CGasparino | December 13, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Teflon Capital Management

  24. Posted by everyone | December 13, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    Tohn Jomas Financial

  25. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 2:42 PM

    YOLO Investment Management: "Are the phone's tapped? Yeah, but so is the keg."

  26. Posted by Kumar | December 13, 2013 at 2:46 PM

    SeeYaSol Capital Management…

  27. Posted by Gary Cohn | December 13, 2013 at 2:50 PM

    pump the breaks.

  28. Posted by Jackie Chiles | December 13, 2013 at 2:53 PM

    We're an opportunity driven fund, focusing on M&A in the latex and latex accessories business.

  29. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    ONID Capital

    (oh no I didn't)

  30. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    CYA Capitsl

  31. Posted by Neo | December 13, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    Morpheus Capital,

    – UBS Director Compensation Analyst

  32. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    CQRT Fund

  33. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:29 PM

    BLOWS Capital

    [Bess Levin OWns Stevie] Capital

  34. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:51 PM

    Make it a hedge fund and destination nightclub:

    Fleece

    "Luscious Apparel, Investment Management, Bounce Houses"

    – The only guy ever to have sex in CT, and yes, it was missionary.

  35. Posted by Bah_Humfuck | December 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM

    SUC Capital

  36. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM

    YES.

  37. Posted by Shaz's beard | December 13, 2013 at 3:57 PM

    C.L.A.M. (Cohen's Leftover Asset Management)

  38. Posted by ThatsVVacc | December 13, 2013 at 4:01 PM

    I have everything before the "…" in this suggestion trademarked, so don't even think about it Cohen.

    – Stephen Hung

  39. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 4:16 PM

    Keep The Private Jet Fueled up For Flights To Geneva Capital

    -Marc Rich

  40. Posted by floodle | December 13, 2013 at 4:26 PM

    WIWAB

    Wish I Was A Buffett

  41. Posted by GUEST | December 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM

    Sacko

    – Taco

  42. Posted by KingCo | December 13, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    Nice Job LLC

  43. Posted by wanker | December 13, 2013 at 4:42 PM

    Handbridge Management

  44. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 4:56 PM

    it's Handbridge Capital Management. Get it right.

  45. Posted by Guest | December 13, 2013 at 5:05 PM

    On that note I was thinking about DSF [Dealbreaker Story Fatigue] Capital.

  46. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 5:42 PM

    CHECK YOURSELF.

  47. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 5:43 PM

    I don't want to live in a world without Steve Cohen/Guy Fieri/Super Duper Weenie satire.

  48. Posted by EQ in Dallas | December 13, 2013 at 5:43 PM

    Plausible Deniability Capital

  49. Posted by Joel Sucher | December 13, 2013 at 5:44 PM

    ABACUS REDUX

  50. Posted by Joe Legit Trader | December 13, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    Unindicted Capital

    Fuck Stevie Cohen – what a a crook. How the feds can't get this asshole who traded for years on inside information is amazing. Stevie – go fuck yourself you cheater.

  51. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 6:02 PM

    Two birds…

    Stevie & Wollensky Capital

  52. Posted by Joe | December 13, 2013 at 6:04 PM

    Scrotum Capital

  53. Posted by all | December 13, 2013 at 6:05 PM

    SAC- ONLY

  54. Posted by guest | December 13, 2013 at 8:36 PM

    SACOSC = SAC of Shit Capital

  55. Posted by christofurio | December 14, 2013 at 10:08 AM

    The George Costanza Capital Management Company (because from now on, we'll "do the opposite").

  56. Posted by No shaz jokes yet? | December 14, 2013 at 11:43 AM

    Son Jazar Capital Management

    "Because Whitney Tilson shouldn't be the only fund trading with ctrl+c, ctrl+v"

  57. Posted by Blave | December 15, 2013 at 10:02 AM

    B.A.C.

  58. Posted by King Pin | December 16, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    HMD Capital

  59. Posted by Guest | December 16, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    VPV Capital Management – Vandalay Pennypacker Varnsen

  60. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | December 16, 2013 at 11:41 AM

    Fail.

    -Everybody

  61. Posted by PhilH | December 17, 2013 at 8:06 AM

    Just SAC. No Capital.