His: Los Angeles police officers stopped him while he was trying to buy sleeping aids at a pharmacy, forced him to take a sobriety test, searched him and his car, where they found $3,000 in cash. The officers proceeded to handcuff him and take him to a motel, where they “warned him not to leave, lest he end up dead.” He attempted to escape but “ran into the police officers, who hit him on the head and broke his shoulder blade,” in addition to telling him, “You’re going to die tonight of a heroin overdose.” While he “previously used a legal drug known as bath salts,” he was not high on bath salts on the night in question. Theirs: He was high on fucking bath salts…you know, bath salts, as in the drug that makes people eat faces?

Denise Zimmerman, an attorney representing the city and Nichols’ partner, officer John Miller, told jurors both officers testified Mulligan was never hit with a baton in the head and the only witnesses who said he was were Mulligan and his two paid experts. “Brian Mulligan was in the midst of a drug-induced psychosis on the night of May 15, 2012,” she said, noting he told officers he had taken bath salts four days before. Zimmerman said much of the night’s events were made up by Mulligan. “It was like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride,” she said.

Also please enjoy this Law and Order moment from Mulligan’s attorney, Louis “Skip” Miller:

Miller questioned Nichols’ testimony that he never took his baton out of his police cruiser and he never used it that night. “Sure looks used to me,” Miller said, holding up the worn-looking weapon.

No further questions.

Ex-banker’s ‘bath salts’ beating case against LAPD headed to jury [LA Times]

11 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (11)

  1. Posted by I saw it coming | January 24, 2014 at 4:34 PM

    We want to hire za Mr. Mulligan

    UBS HR

  2. Posted by guest | January 24, 2014 at 4:51 PM

    sounds reasonable

  3. Posted by guest | January 24, 2014 at 4:52 PM

    the fuck?

  4. Posted by guest | January 24, 2014 at 4:52 PM

    I'll have what he's having.

  5. Posted by guest | January 24, 2014 at 4:52 PM

    was that wrong? should I not have done that? because I've worked in a lot of offices….

  6. Posted by Short, But Long | January 24, 2014 at 4:52 PM

    A face only a baton could love…

  7. Posted by Bored Guest | January 24, 2014 at 4:59 PM

    woah, there guest. pace yourself. i wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.

  8. Posted by WSJevons | January 24, 2014 at 5:59 PM

    The gentleman is lucky this didn't go down in NYC or the proctologist would still be picking splinters from his bunghole.

    Which reminds of my all time favorite punch line: "Rectum?! Damn near killed 'em"

  9. Posted by Guest | January 24, 2014 at 6:15 PM

    Probably not, since the cops responsible for the incident you're referring to got long stretches in the fun house. Which, given their former vocation and the crime, probably means in protective custody. Clearly falls in the "not worth it" column.

  10. Posted by WSJevons | January 24, 2014 at 6:38 PM

    Ah good. I've been waiting for the UBS Anal Rape quant to weigh in. It's a solid analysis.

    I believe, to be in compliance with new Dodd Frank regulations, you need to include a key footnote: "Assumes violation of an orifice with a phallus is a legitimate law enforcement technique."


  11. Posted by Pros and Cons | January 26, 2014 at 7:33 AM

    Looks like bath sales + LAPD beatdown is still better than working for DB