Is this you?

From: [redacted at houston based investment firm]
Sent: Monday, February 10, 2014 12:40 PM
Subject: Hiring Priority

We have been fortunate to attract and hire some outstanding people in the last year. We have integrated these people into areas where we had substantial needs, and we are starting to look toward the future. Now, we are beginning to search for the “next generation” of leaders for [redacted] Investments.

The first, and primary, hire that we are going to focus on in this area is to find someone who will work directly with me. They will learn our business from the ground up with me as their primary coach. Strong preference would be a football player who has played at a high level, but any former athlete who is very competitive will be considered.

Because they are going to be working directly with me and for me, the opportunity will come with large responsibilities and expectations. That means that only thick-skinned, hard workers who have a driving hunger to succeed should apply. The interview process will be rigorous, detailed and somewhat intense. The training process will be very time consuming, and they will be expected to keep up with the schedule and demands that I place on myself. This role is designed to train someone to be capable of running a business like ours. That means they will be expected to learn the four primary aspects of our business:

1. Investment Management
2. Marketing and Business Development
3. Client Service
4. Management and Vision for the Company

They need to be willing to invest several years of their life to learn the business, where they can then grow into a leadership role in one of the four areas listed. Where they end up will be based on their aptitude.

Forgive the football analogy but it really defines the role well. We are looking for someone who wants to succeed so much that they are willing to come be a part of the “scout team” while they learn the system. If they work hard enough and show that they can make plays in practice, they will be given an opportunity to get in the game on “special teams” where they can show what they can do. At this point the hope is that they can earn a starting position and then grow into a leadership position as a “Captain” on the team.

We expect this role to be filled by someone who is already in the workplace, but someone who is currently in school is welcome to apply as we will wait for the right candidate.

Please see the attached job description. All applicants need to have high moral values, be very intelligent with outstanding problem solving skills, possess a high sense of urgency, be very articulate and have an insatiable desire to succeed at everything they do.

All candidates should email me directly with Assistant to the Chairman in the Subject line.

Thank you for passing this along to all those you know who might be aware of potential candidates. Please help us exponentially increase the distribution via your email list.

Take care,


27 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (27)

  1. Posted by Quant me maybe... | February 10, 2014 at 4:08 PM

    Because people who have had multiple concussions make the best money managers.

  2. Posted by Bill Miller | February 10, 2014 at 4:18 PM

    Aren't marketing and 'investment management' the same thing in this industry?

  3. Posted by Mike S | February 10, 2014 at 4:28 PM

    My draft stock just dropped drastically….when can I come in for an interview?

  4. Posted by Leading Candidate | February 10, 2014 at 4:29 PM

    My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

  5. Posted by guest | February 10, 2014 at 4:35 PM

    favorite. kind. of. dealbreaker.

  6. Posted by Im_a_Dude | February 10, 2014 at 4:35 PM

    Dennis Rodman is available

  7. Posted by Jim Kelly | February 10, 2014 at 4:37 PM


  8. Posted by Brian Bosworth, CFA | February 10, 2014 at 4:58 PM

    Just the opportunity that I was waiting for…Stone Cold 2 script isn't coming along as planned.

  9. Posted by I like it | February 10, 2014 at 5:24 PM

    Willing to bet this guy sells annuities and life policies.

  10. Posted by Guest | February 10, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    Consider the "exponentially increase the distribution" piece done.

  11. Posted by Ted E. | February 10, 2014 at 5:40 PM

    Yep, but redacted for our safety

  12. Posted by Frank Delaney | February 10, 2014 at 5:52 PM

    The horses that react to the whip and perform are the ones that are of use. The rest are sent out to pasture

  13. Posted by Guest | February 10, 2014 at 5:53 PM

    What about dodge ball?

  14. Posted by investorcluzo | February 10, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    equities in Dallas > executive assistant in Houston

    -Liar's Poker Quant

  15. Posted by guest | February 10, 2014 at 6:01 PM

    No way. Those are special teams type investment vehicles. He's working his way up to them.

  16. Posted by guest | February 10, 2014 at 6:04 PM

    Revised subject line: "Strongest argument ever made for passive investing via indices/ETFs"

  17. Posted by E. Texas Gas Trader | February 10, 2014 at 8:48 PM

    "Out to pasture" ain't so bad. You get to laze about and fuck fillies from time to time, eat and drink all you want and shit wherever you please. Kind of like being a natural gas trader in many ways.

  18. Posted by PSU? | February 10, 2014 at 9:55 PM

    If he asks for shirtless photos as part of the application, be worried

  19. Posted by H.R. | February 10, 2014 at 10:48 PM

    I will tote this ex-football player to my country club and numerous cocktail parties. Having the ability to impress my pot bellied, jock sniffing, jerk off friends is critical to the role.

  20. Posted by Rebecca M. | February 11, 2014 at 8:18 AM

    While Houston can be nice, I'm really holding out for a Dallas S&T position.

    -UBS Offensive Team Quant

  21. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | February 11, 2014 at 9:30 AM

    Flexible moral compass preferred.

    -J. Dondero

  22. Posted by New NFL Gay | February 11, 2014 at 9:57 AM

    Not gay enough

  23. Posted by CCC | February 11, 2014 at 7:09 PM

    What a tool.

  24. Posted by CCC | February 11, 2014 at 7:13 PM

    Looks like this Company needs to start taking applications for the Chairman position as well.

  25. Posted by VonSloneker | February 12, 2014 at 3:08 PM

    Give me a name so I can taunt him/her at The Houstonian.

    – Guy who has already verified with HR that it is not us

  26. Posted by I like it | February 12, 2014 at 5:06 PM

    Yes, please. Although, he is easy to spot. Short, balding and walking around with the sleeveless "t" but never works out. Then asks for a smoothie with extra protein…..

  27. Posted by VonSloneker | February 13, 2014 at 11:44 AM

    Except these days "out to pasture" actually means "sent to the glue factory."