Clear Steve Cohen’s Schedule

Back in April 2013, Steve Cohen put his 9,000-square-foot One Beacon Court apartment on the market for $115 million, which would have represented a modest 379.16% return. In January, he dropped the price to 98 mill. Four months later, a buyer has yet to materialize and the Big Guy is pissed. Embalm someone and suspend them in formaldehyde pissed.

Sources tell Page Six that Cohen is furious that his luxe four-bedroom duplex at 151 E. 58th St. hasn’t had a buyer after more than a year on the market, and he’s blaming his brokers.

Obviously, this is a case of if you want something done right, do it yourself. If Cohen has his head on straight he’ll hoof it on down to midtown, roll up his sleeves, and do what his broker could not. Left alone with no distractions, he can have the place ready for an open house Wednesday. If he makes sure to emphasize the open concept living area and his and her sinks in the en-suite, he’ll be in good shape. If he throws in the life size bobblehead, this thing’ll be wrapped up in a week.

Cohen freaking out over unsold $98M penthouse [NYP]

Earlier: Steve Cohen Wants To See A 379.16% Return On Manhattan Penthouse; Steve Cohen Will Settle For A 308% Return On Manhattan Penthouse

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8 Responses to “Clear Steve Cohen’s Schedule”

  1. Capt. Orgy-nizer says:

    Has he tried putting it up on airbnb? Earn some carry while it sits vacant.

    – Freak fest enthusiast who believes "don't be gentle with the rental"

  2. investorcluzo says:

    Who wouldn't want to pay $98 million to live across the street from Bloomingdales on one of the busiest entry points to the only FREE bridge to Queens?
    -Real estate agent who lost the deal to Corcoran

  3. guest says:

    Just watch. Some self styled "vulture" is going to read this (probably planted) story, make a low ball offer on the apartment, and end up losing tens of millions when the stock market settles down and everyone realizes that 9 figures for an apartment is silly. Steve Cohen, who knows a thing or two about when to buy and when to sell, is going to get out with a 2 or 3x return at what we will later realize was the top of the market.

  4. Puck It says:

    I'd buy that for a dollar.

    —guy who could easily have posted this in the Karlie Kloss thread, too, but didn't

  5. Warren says:

    Golly, maybe if he baked a few cinnamon buns in the oven just before a prospective buyer visits it'd move faster. That's how my sister in Iowa sold her double-wide. Y'know, more homey.

  6. Guest says:

    Where's Vic Vinegar and Hugh Honey when you need them?