Update: While the below is in fact “real” (as in it was an email sent out to people), it appears as though it was a prank on behalf of redacted’s co-workers. Let is now serve as an important cautionary tale: failing to lock up your computer upon stepping away for even mere moments may result in your handsy colleagues having their way with your business.
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2014 2:30 PM
I’m excited for this opportunity to join the [redacted investment bank] Healthcare team and look forward to touching base with each of you in the coming days.
Was not an easy decision to make the jump from [other redacted investment bank] to [aforementioned redacted investment bank] as both banks have a stellar name/ reputation and both consistently rank among the elite of Wall Street in terms of fees and fighting for the largest deals (see attached article). Despite making this move (that some may criticize as a step down), I’m thrilled to be joining the team – I even updated my LinkedIn account a month ago in anticipation.
To that end, just want to lay a couple ground rules before I begin so we all good off on the right foot (Associates and VP’s, this is mainly for you):
1. Happy to pull long hours and all, but will have a hard stop at 10:30PM, Monday – Thursday, and 6:00PM Fridays
2. In my contract with HR, negotiated the ability to opt out of any [redacted MD] books – sorry, no exceptions
3. Finally, I have a unique last name. Get over it. No jokes / snarky remarks / persiflaging / banter will be tolerated
Other than that, look forward to building a personal connection with all of you. Not totally convinced my cube location was the best choice given I’m situated next to [redacted co-worker] / [other redacted co-worker], but I’m not one to let my situation get the best of me.