• 26 Jun 2014 at 1:36 PM

UBS Intern Chose Wisely?

Things came down to hockey vs. UBS summer, and hockey won, which seems reasonable.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:35 AM
To: [redacted at UBS]
Subject: Internship

Hey [redacted at UBS],

I was on my way to the office this morning but I left my wallet with my ID in it at home. I am not going to be able to continue my internship with UBS this summer.

I have received a hockey opportunity that I need to devote 100% of my time too. With all of the training, skating, yoga, and spin classes that I do I would not be able to contribute as much time to UBS as I had originally hoped or that you would want out of me. I know you said you would be flexible, but these preparations consume most of my day 5 days a week and with the commute from home it would be impossible for me to give all the effort I want to both. I want to say a sincere thank you to you and your colleagues for helping me along the way and for the way you treated me yesterday. I am sorry that this is not going to be able to work out. Thank you again for everything.


24 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (24)

  1. Posted by guest | June 26, 2014 at 1:43 PM

    Charlie Conway??

  2. Posted by Captain Oblivious | June 26, 2014 at 1:49 PM

    Phil Falcone you old rapscallion you! Nicely done. We told you to go back to hockey.

    Seriously UBS thanks but no thanks, I would rather get slammed into the boards repeatedly by a bunch of guys than work for you. This shit doesn't go down at Club Gorman

  3. Posted by Violent Pear | June 26, 2014 at 2:16 PM

    Luis Suarez is coming to bite all your dicks off.

    just saying….

  4. Posted by guest | June 26, 2014 at 2:23 PM

    The fuck?

    Just saying…

  5. Posted by iceviewwingquant | June 26, 2014 at 2:26 PM

    are they going to keep him on the books for the tier 6 night league at twin rinks?

  6. Posted by Johnny Chompo | June 26, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    chomp chomp chomp

    just saying…..

  7. Posted by Anywhere but UBS | June 26, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Hiring hockey goons to make pitch books is probably not a good option anyway

  8. Posted by Quant me maybe... | June 26, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    This is my Walter Mitty moment.

    >Admit it. Anything would be better than sitting in front of a computer right about now.

  9. Posted by Guest | June 26, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    Dollars to donuts this little princess is the son of UBS senior management or a huge client and they thanked him for the five bullshit days he put in at the office.

  10. Posted by The Gobbler | June 26, 2014 at 2:40 PM

    "You have chosen……GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHER FUCKER!….you just been GOBBLED!"

  11. Posted by Hobbes | June 26, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    Take off, eh?

    – UBS HR, Canada

  12. Posted by guest | June 26, 2014 at 2:46 PM

    right there with you.

  13. Posted by No dice | June 26, 2014 at 4:00 PM

    Please don't ever do this again

  14. Posted by Guest | June 26, 2014 at 4:09 PM

    HR = Hockey Research

  15. Posted by gimlet | June 26, 2014 at 4:26 PM

    bad comment

  16. Posted by Guest | June 26, 2014 at 4:28 PM

    A kid who mistakes the usage of too/to was working for UBS? Seems about right.

  17. Posted by Everyone at UBS | June 26, 2014 at 4:46 PM

    He's already received a full-time offer. We're still mulling the retention bonus.

  18. Posted by theShizznitt | June 26, 2014 at 4:47 PM

    That's a smooth segue in the first paragraph. Goes from "hey I'm going to be late" to "I'm never coming back" with only a period in between. I'd love to see the non sequiturs this guys connects together when he dumps a girlfriend.

    Is getting dumped for spin and yoga more humiliating than getting bailed out by the Swiss National Bank?

  19. Posted by Guest | June 26, 2014 at 4:53 PM

    He worked ONE godamn day, other than that +1!

  20. Posted by Nailz6 | June 26, 2014 at 5:42 PM

    Rumor has it the intern in question is Keith McCullough

    – Hedgeye MD Looking for a solid internship

  21. Posted by guest | June 26, 2014 at 5:53 PM

    "I have herpes. It's over between us."

  22. Posted by WarrenG | June 26, 2014 at 11:33 PM

    Did you know UBS is a factory for future NHL talent? Don't believe me? Look it up…

  23. Posted by Guest | June 27, 2014 at 9:51 AM

    This would have been a lot better if it just ended at the part before the cut.

  24. Posted by guest | June 27, 2014 at 1:24 PM

    * to good for UBS