UBS Intern Chose Wisely?

Things came down to hockey vs. UBS summer, and hockey won, which seems reasonable.

From: [redacted]
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:35 AM
To: [redacted at UBS]
Subject: Internship

Hey [redacted at UBS],

I was on my way to the office this morning but I left my wallet with my ID in it at home. I am not going to be able to continue my internship with UBS this summer.

I have received a hockey opportunity that I need to devote 100% of my time too. With all of the training, skating, yoga, and spin classes that I do I would not be able to contribute as much time to UBS as I had originally hoped or that you would want out of me. I know you said you would be flexible, but these preparations consume most of my day 5 days a week and with the commute from home it would be impossible for me to give all the effort I want to both. I want to say a sincere thank you to you and your colleagues for helping me along the way and for the way you treated me yesterday. I am sorry that this is not going to be able to work out. Thank you again for everything.


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24 Responses to “UBS Intern Chose Wisely?”

  1. guest says:

    Charlie Conway??

  2. Captain Oblivious says:

    Phil Falcone you old rapscallion you! Nicely done. We told you to go back to hockey.

    Seriously UBS thanks but no thanks, I would rather get slammed into the boards repeatedly by a bunch of guys than work for you. This shit doesn't go down at Club Gorman

  3. Violent Pear says:

    Luis Suarez is coming to bite all your dicks off.

    just saying….

  4. iceviewwingquant says:

    are they going to keep him on the books for the tier 6 night league at twin rinks?

  5. Anywhere but UBS says:

    Hiring hockey goons to make pitch books is probably not a good option anyway

  6. Quant me maybe... says:

    This is my Walter Mitty moment.

    >Admit it. Anything would be better than sitting in front of a computer right about now.

  7. Guest says:

    Dollars to donuts this little princess is the son of UBS senior management or a huge client and they thanked him for the five bullshit days he put in at the office.

  8. The Gobbler says:

    "You have chosen……GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHER FUCKER!….you just been GOBBLED!"

  9. Hobbes says:

    Take off, eh?

    – UBS HR, Canada

  10. Guest says:

    A kid who mistakes the usage of too/to was working for UBS? Seems about right.

  11. theShizznitt says:

    That's a smooth segue in the first paragraph. Goes from "hey I'm going to be late" to "I'm never coming back" with only a period in between. I'd love to see the non sequiturs this guys connects together when he dumps a girlfriend.

    Is getting dumped for spin and yoga more humiliating than getting bailed out by the Swiss National Bank?

  12. Nailz6 says:

    Rumor has it the intern in question is Keith McCullough

    – Hedgeye MD Looking for a solid internship

  13. WarrenG says:

    Did you know UBS is a factory for future NHL talent? Don't believe me? Look it up…

  14. Guest says:

    This would have been a lot better if it just ended at the part before the cut.