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Steve Cohen Attends Party, Dresses Like A ‘Schlub': Bloomberg

Something you probably know about Steve Cohen is that the last number of years have not been so kind to him. Almost a dozen of his employees have been charged with and convicted of securities fraud. The government won’t let him manage outside money. He had to rename his fund, rendering a warehouse full of SAC fleeces useless. No one will buy his apartment. The New York Times thinks his house is only 14,000 square feet. He just wrote a check for $848 million, money that could’ve gone toward Super Duper Weenie products or Guy Fieri cookbooks. It’d be enough to make anyone want to get into bed, pull the covers over their head, and shut out the world, which is exactly what Cohen was doing earlier this year.

So when his wife wanted to attend a little party in East Hampton this weekend, it surely took some convincing. “It’ll be good to get out, Steve,” she probably said. “I bet they’ll serve cocktail franks.” “Alec Baldwin will be there; you loved him in Glengarry Glen Ross and Along Came Polly.”

One or all of these temptations clearly struck a chord, and Cohen decided that yes, he would be nice to get out and mingle. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize that Bloomberg‘s exacting eye would be watching.

A man going out to a gala in the Hamptons can usually get away with jeans and button-down, no tie, not even a jacket. But if you’re Jerry Seinfeld, and Giorgio Armani is sponsoring the Baby Buggy Summer Dinner at your house, you put on a gray suit with blue silk tie and dress shoes and marvel at the schlubs gathered in your backyard. Steve Cohen of Point72 Asset Management wore a purple patterned dress shirt, tucked in, no jacket or tie. The hedge-fund manager’s Steven A. and Alexandra M. Cohen Foundation was a “Premiere Table Sponsor” of the event on Saturday Night, photos of which were reviewed by Bloomberg News.

Harsh! Luckily, he’s in a zen place, sartorially speaking, otherwise this might’ve really stung. In other news, let this be a lesson to you all: the Bloomberg‘s Fashion Police is watching.

Hamptons Scene: Seinfeld in Tie, Steve Cohen, Kardashian [Bloomberg]

Related: New York Times Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He’s Down

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34 Responses to “Steve Cohen Attends Party, Dresses Like A ‘Schlub': Bloomberg

  1. el guesto says:

    Ok, so maybe I'm the only one, but I actually like that shirt (in the headline photo; too lazy to see if that's the shit in discussion).

  2. guest says:

    Hard hitting journalism, Bloomberg! Earning those terminal fees!

  3. guest says:

    so much shade, bberg.

  4. guest says:

    how rude!
    -m tanner

  5. Juicy J says:

    what's the opposite of looking regal?

  6. pairof3s says:

    Jerry used People Resources before Seinfeld pilot was a go.

  7. Human Resources says:

    …and what's the deal with airplane food?

  8. Guest says:

    Looks like a classic, 2 fold cotton, Jermyn Street shirt with cuffs, not a schlub Oleg Cassini with a shirt pocket.

  9. Captain Oblivious says:

    Steve needs to hit up the Warby parker dude for new specs, that is one ugly ass woman he is with. How the fuck do people take the Kardashians seriously. Unreal the Hamptons is so 2000. It all sucks now can't even go to Montauk all the charm is gone

    • guest says:

      your comments get consistently worse (i.e. less funny, less interesting, less comprehensible) over time. congrats.

    • Guest says:

      I can think of ~3.5 billion reasons they're still together

      – Guy who's not very confident about about his estimate of Stevie's current net worth but who's a little more confident about CT divorce law and that you're an asshole

  10. Quant me maybe... says:

    Dude's still worth more than 99.999999% of the planet.

    >But not as much as Michael Bloomberg, who I suppose, just wanted to fuck with a plebian single digit billionaire.

    • guest says:

      I love the idea that this assignment came from Mike B. (He's a micromanager so maybe it did?)

  11. Stevie says:

    No one is wearing a tie in the background, f* you Bloomberg!!

  12. Turnip Truck says:

    He's really starting to look like Charles Foster Kane in the Xanadu years.

  13. theShizznitt says:

    It's called "power schlubbing." He does because he can.

    -guy who will admit to getting three free shirts after having bought one at full price

  14. Semper Gumby says:

    BORF!!!!!!

  15. Im_a_Dude says:

    Wow, SEC has really taken a toll on her. time to trade in for a younger model Steve.

  16. PositiveConvexity says:

    Are we really expected to still find the fleece joke funny? It was the first hundred times but you have seriously beaten it to death. It's actually pretty pathetic and makes me want to not open the Cohen stories as much as I love him. You're just mailing it in at this point.

  17. largent80 says:

    Stevie a schlub? Bloomberg is totally ignoring all the nebbishes at the SEC who didn't even score an invite to the party in the first place.

    – UBS social ladder quant who also happens to be a member of the tribe

  18. General says:

    Shirt looks good, she looks HOTTTT and you are an IDIOT!

  19. PositiveConvexity says:

    We get it…..there are such things as SAC fleeces….please continue mentioning it in every single SAC story

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