Something you probably know about Steve Cohen is that the last number of years have not been so kind to him. Almost a dozen of his employees have been charged with and convicted of securities fraud. The government won’t let him manage outside money. He had to rename his fund, rendering a warehouse full of SAC fleeces useless. No one will buy his apartment. The New York Times thinks his house is only 14,000 square feet. He just wrote a check for $848 million, money that could’ve gone toward Super Duper Weenie products or Guy Fieri cookbooks. It’d be enough to make anyone want to get into bed, pull the covers over their head, and shut out the world, which is exactly what Cohen was doing earlier this year.

So when his wife wanted to attend a little party in East Hampton this weekend, it surely took some convincing. “It’ll be good to get out, Steve,” she probably said. “I bet they’ll serve cocktail franks.” “Alec Baldwin will be there; you loved him in Glengarry Glen Ross and Along Came Polly.”

One or all of these temptations clearly struck a chord, and Cohen decided that yes, he would be nice to get out and mingle. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize that Bloomberg‘s exacting eye would be watching.

A man going out to a gala in the Hamptons can usually get away with jeans and button-down, no tie, not even a jacket. But if you’re Jerry Seinfeld, and Giorgio Armani is sponsoring the Baby Buggy Summer Dinner at your house, you put on a gray suit with blue silk tie and dress shoes and marvel at the schlubs gathered in your backyard. Steve Cohen of Point72 Asset Management wore a purple patterned dress shirt, tucked in, no jacket or tie. The hedge-fund manager’s Steven A. and Alexandra M. Cohen Foundation was a “Premiere Table Sponsor” of the event on Saturday Night, photos of which were reviewed by Bloomberg News.

Harsh! Luckily, he’s in a zen place, sartorially speaking, otherwise this might’ve really stung. In other news, let this be a lesson to you all: the Bloomberg‘s Fashion Police is watching.

Hamptons Scene: Seinfeld in Tie, Steve Cohen, Kardashian [Bloomberg]

Related: New York Times Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He’s Down

34 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (34)

  1. Posted by el guesto | July 28, 2014 at 1:58 PM

    Ok, so maybe I'm the only one, but I actually like that shirt (in the headline photo; too lazy to see if that's the shit in discussion).

  2. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:00 PM

    Hard hitting journalism, Bloomberg! Earning those terminal fees!

  3. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:00 PM

    so much shade, bberg.

  4. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:00 PM

    how rude!
    -m tanner

  5. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:08 PM

    I do too. Bloomberg has weird standards.

  6. Posted by Juicy J | July 28, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    what's the opposite of looking regal?

  7. Posted by pairof3s | July 28, 2014 at 2:21 PM

    Jerry used People Resources before Seinfeld pilot was a go.

  8. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    Wasn't that Stephanie's catch phrase?

  9. Posted by Human Resources | July 28, 2014 at 2:31 PM

    …and what's the deal with airplane food?

  10. Posted by Guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:32 PM

    Looks like a classic, 2 fold cotton, Jermyn Street shirt with cuffs, not a schlub Oleg Cassini with a shirt pocket.

  11. Posted by Captain Oblivious | July 28, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Steve needs to hit up the Warby parker dude for new specs, that is one ugly ass woman he is with. How the fuck do people take the Kardashians seriously. Unreal the Hamptons is so 2000. It all sucks now can't even go to Montauk all the charm is gone

  12. Posted by Quant me maybe... | July 28, 2014 at 2:43 PM

    Dude's still worth more than 99.999999% of the planet.

    >But not as much as Michael Bloomberg, who I suppose, just wanted to fuck with a plebian single digit billionaire.

  13. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:43 PM

    oh fuck, you're right.
    -guy who'll see himself out

  14. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:45 PM

    your comments get consistently worse (i.e. less funny, less interesting, less comprehensible) over time. congrats.

  15. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 2:52 PM

    I love the idea that this assignment came from Mike B. (He's a micromanager so maybe it did?)

  16. Posted by Captain Oblivious | July 28, 2014 at 2:58 PM

    Who was trying to be funny? I was being serious. GFY seriously

  17. Posted by Stevie | July 28, 2014 at 3:07 PM

    No one is wearing a tie in the background, f* you Bloomberg!!

  18. Posted by Turnip Truck | July 28, 2014 at 3:19 PM

    He's really starting to look like Charles Foster Kane in the Xanadu years.

  19. Posted by Guest | July 28, 2014 at 3:38 PM

    Were you trying to be funny? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe GFY.

  20. Posted by theShizznitt | July 28, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    It's called "power schlubbing." He does because he can.

    -guy who will admit to getting three free shirts after having bought one at full price

  21. Posted by Guest | July 28, 2014 at 3:46 PM

    I can think of ~3.5 billion reasons they're still together

    - Guy who's not very confident about about his estimate of Stevie's current net worth but who's a little more confident about CT divorce law and that you're an asshole

  22. Posted by guest | July 28, 2014 at 3:47 PM

    bingo.

  23. Posted by Semper Gumby | July 28, 2014 at 4:06 PM

    BORF!!!!!!

  24. Posted by Im_a_Dude | July 28, 2014 at 4:08 PM

    Wow, SEC has really taken a toll on her. time to trade in for a younger model Steve.

  25. Posted by Guest | July 28, 2014 at 4:43 PM

    Gasparinoan

  26. Posted by Guest | July 28, 2014 at 5:19 PM

    ~3.5 billion reasons buys you lots of hookers.

  27. Posted by PositiveConvexity | July 28, 2014 at 9:23 PM

    Are we really expected to still find the fleece joke funny? It was the first hundred times but you have seriously beaten it to death. It's actually pretty pathetic and makes me want to not open the Cohen stories as much as I love him. You're just mailing it in at this point.

  28. Posted by largent80 | July 29, 2014 at 1:26 AM

    Stevie a schlub? Bloomberg is totally ignoring all the nebbishes at the SEC who didn't even score an invite to the party in the first place.

    - UBS social ladder quant who also happens to be a member of the tribe

  29. Posted by guest | July 29, 2014 at 10:10 AM

    You got it, dude.

  30. Posted by Guest | July 29, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    Go fuck yourself.

  31. Posted by General | July 29, 2014 at 2:06 PM

    Shirt looks good, she looks HOTTTT and you are an IDIOT!

  32. Posted by PositiveConvexity | July 29, 2014 at 3:20 PM

    We get it…..there are such things as SAC fleeces….please continue mentioning it in every single SAC story

  33. Posted by PositiveConvexity | July 29, 2014 at 3:21 PM

    Because it's so funny still….is this funnyordie.com or dealbreaker?

  34. Posted by Guest | July 30, 2014 at 10:40 AM

    Guest's the guy being funny. Captain Oblivious must be the other guy.