Write-Offs: 07.17.14

$$$ Alibaba Plans IPO for After Labor Day [WSJ]

$$$ Microsoft Just Laid Off Thousands of Employees With a Hilariously Bad Memo [DI]

$$$ JPMorgan’s Dimon Gets $37 Million of Crisis-Era Options [Bloomberg]

$$$ SEC Says House Insider-Trading Probe Involves 44 Funds [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman in Lakewood, Ohio, committed the biggest party foul possible Saturday afternoon when she drove her SUV right into a swimming pool as guests were swimming. [HP]

$$$ Daugs violated that duty in January 2008 when he fraudulently caused Lakeside Capital to liquidate $2.15 million in securities in her portfolio to generate the cash to transfer that amount from her IRA account at a custodian broker-dealer directly to an escrow account he used to purchase his ski vacation home. Daugs similarly misused $950,000 in assets from her portfolio in May 2009 to refinance his purchase of a rare 1955 Mercedes “Gullwing” automobile. [SEC]

$$$ 7 Indicted in $50 Million Pump-and-Dump Scheme [Dealbook]

$$$ Doritos’ Long, Slow Descent Into Madness [Kitchenette]

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Comments (16)

  1. Posted by Guest | July 18, 2014 at 10:27 AM

    hello?

  2. Posted by champ | July 18, 2014 at 10:38 AM

    Hey neighbor! Can I borrow your shovel?

  3. Posted by Guest | July 18, 2014 at 10:45 AM

    Was Shazar on the plane?

  4. Posted by London Banker | July 18, 2014 at 10:51 AM

    …. Is it me you're looking for?

  5. Posted by Guest | July 18, 2014 at 10:52 AM

    Shazar on a plane
    on his way to the Ukraine
    bag full of cocaine
    his remains now chow mein

  6. Posted by quick brown quant | July 18, 2014 at 11:10 AM

    Shazar tried to burn my god damn dick off!

  7. Posted by NakedShort | July 18, 2014 at 11:13 AM

    …I can see it in your eyes

  8. Posted by Shaz's beard | July 18, 2014 at 11:17 AM

    Shazzy has gone on tour with Weird Al for the summer

  9. Posted by NakedShort | July 18, 2014 at 11:20 AM

    …I can see it in your smile

  10. Posted by NakedShort | July 18, 2014 at 11:21 AM

    …You're all I've ever wanted

  11. Posted by NakedShort | July 18, 2014 at 11:24 AM

    …And my arms are open wide

  12. Posted by London Banker | July 18, 2014 at 11:27 AM

    … Because you know just what to say

  13. Posted by London Banker | July 18, 2014 at 11:28 AM

    … And you know just what to do

  14. Posted by London Banker | July 18, 2014 at 11:28 AM

    … And I want to tell you so much

  15. Posted by NakedShort | July 18, 2014 at 11:29 AM

    ….I love you

  16. Posted by Asdfghj | July 19, 2014 at 5:27 PM

    Citi's trade team is closing a $2.0 Bln financing under the foreign military sales program of the government for the purchase of F15 from Lockheed by Israel.