Apparently yes, he just might be.

Police have allegedly confiscated four pieces of dangerous sound equipment from the Lyford Cay home of billionaire Louis Bacon. The speakers are said to emit certain frequencies of irritating and annoying soundwaves that could possibly stretch over a wide range. Further investigations revealed that if used properly, the speakers have the potential to cause structural damage and even death. Nygard Cay Property Manager, Eric Gibson, alleged that he experienced the effects of these high powered pieces of equipment. “They would find the most annoying sounds like anything with a high string, or anything with a high pitch that they could play, and they would just play the sounds as loudly as they possibly could,” Mr. Gibson alleged. It is understood that some charges could be filed soon regarding this incident.

As you may have heard, Goldman Sachs has “banned the use of profanity” in emails. Some are heralding the move as the end of Goldman, where describing the various ways in which clients are screwed (I kid the Sachsians) is part of the daily grind. And at another bank, staffed by unimaginitive fucks* whose lack of creativity is bested only by their mediocre grasp of the English language, this would be a paralyzing edict. At Goldman Sachs, it’s a mere challenge. Continue reading »

  • 29 Jul 2010 at 9:15 AM
  • /
  • News

Opening Bell 07.29.10

FSA To Expand Bonus Rules (WSJ)
The U.K.’s financial regulator said on Thursday that it plans to change remuneration rules for the financial-services industry, which could include imposing the changes on all banks, asset managers and hedge funds. The FSA said that while the current rules apply to the largest banks, building societies and broker dealers, the new ones should include over 2,500 firms. Among the changes, the FSA said it will force companies to defer at least 40% of bonuses over at least three years, raising the level to 60% when the bonus is over £500,000 ($779,250). It also said at least 50% of any variable remuneration components must be made in shares, share-linked instruments or other equivalent noncash instruments.

Banks plan for loss of eurozone member (FT)
Just, you know, hypothetically.

Morgan Stanley: Fear Cheap Money, Not A Double Dip (CNBC)
“The gobal economy has momentum,” Joachim Fels, the co-head of economics at Morgan Stanley. told CBNC Thursday. “Global growth is at 5 percent over the last 12 months but real global interest rates remain negative. Fears of a double-dip recession are overdone and the risks are now to the upside,” he said. Fels said he believes the Fed needs to end its very loose monetary stance sooner rather than later, as it will push up inflationary pressures across the world, given many emerging nations are importing US monetary policy in a bid keep their exports to America competitive. “Inflation is rising,” he said. “In India we are seeing signs of rising prices and inflation is now the major risk. Policy in many major economies is behind the curve.”

Singapore’s New Hedge-Fund Regulation Puts City `Back on Map’ (Bloomberg)
Seven new hedge funds set up in May and June, after the Monetary Authority of Singapore said in April that small funds can keep operating without a license as part of its review. The number of new funds last year fell 13 percent to 26, the lowest since 2003, as uncertainty over pending rule changes kept managers away, according to data from the Singapore-based industry researcher. “Singapore did not shoot itself in the foot by putting up proposals that will kill off the business,” said Kher Sheng Lee, a senior associate in the financial services group at Philadelphia-based law firm Dechert LLP in Hong Kong.

Trial ‘Bugs’ On Wall Street (NYP)
FYI: Yesterday, a federal judge in Manhattan listened to arguments about whether to allow thousands of recorded phone conversations as evidence in the upcoming criminal trial of Raj Rajaratnam, the Galleon Group hedge fund founder accused of illegal trading. If the judge rules in favor of federal prosecutors, who want the wiretap evidence heard, it could lead to a lot more bugged phones on Wall Street.

Buffett’s Dairy Queen Chilly on Frozen Yogurt Lawsuit (Reuters)
Warren Buffett will stop at nothing to defend the brand: Dairy Queen has asked a court to stop a southern California rival from selling a frozen yogurt with a name similar to Blizzard, its biggest-selling menu item. Yogubliz Inc had on May 17 filed a lawsuit seeking an order that would “eliminate any doubt” its sale of Blizzberry and Blizz Frozen Yogurt products did not infringe any Dairy Queen trademark and was not likely to confuse customers. But in a 30-page response filed Monday in Los Angeles federal court, Dairy Queen said Yogubliz was causing confusion with the Blizzard, a soft-serve ice cream also blended with candy, cookie pieces and other mix-ins. Continue reading »

  • 28 Jul 2010 at 5:33 PM
  • /
  • News

Write-Offs: 07.28.10

$$$ Comerford was working in Goldman’s document production division by evening, while running tours for a firm called The Wall Street Experience during the daytime. But he’s since quit the bank after being told to choose between Goldman and his tours. Comerford tells me that after The Guardian’s coverage of his tours, he was summoned by Goldman’s compliance department. The bank initially demanded whether he was using confidential material – zeroing in on an CDO document that he brandished to tourists as an example of a real, life toxic asset. Although he was able to satisfy Goldman that he wasn’t stealing anything, Comerford was then told to choose between his job at the bank or his tour guiding activities – an ultimatum that he feels was very unfair. After ten years, he quit his job. “I looked at it as an acting gig – and I’d done acting gigs before while working at Goldman, without any problem. But they were very concerned at the tone of it,” says Comerford. Guardian]

$$$ Goldman Sachs Defends Its Fund of Funds Offering [AR]

$$$ Federal Government Hiring Thousands in Wake of Financial Reform Bill [FINS]

$$$ Hedge Fund Tax Changes Cause Indigestion in Greenwich [NYM]

$$$ Carlos Slim Buys Fifth Ave.’s Only Private Townhouse [Metropolis]

$$$ Gaza’s ubiquitous donkey carts are facing stiff competition after an influx of South Asia’s iconic tuk-tuks [WSJ] Continue reading »

FYI, in addition to hating these newfangled automatic flushers, the PIMCO founder will cut a bitch for speaking and/or audibly breathing on the floor. Continue reading »

  • 28 Jul 2010 at 5:01 PM
  • /
  • News

Want To Sue Goldman Sachs? Take A Number

Sorry, the firm’s calendar is all booked up right now with other lawsuits. Come back later or go sue someone else. Continue reading »

From time to time, perhaps if they’re particularly good looking, or cuddly-seeming or you’ve just got that itch and they’re the first warm body in your line of vision, you may have gotten the urge to touch a client in a way not yet deemed “appropriate” by the freaky ass rules of corporate culture. You probably assumed all was lost and you’d never get to reach out and squeeze one of ‘em. And all was lost. Until a Goldman Sachs employee came along and invented an excuse so genius in its simplicity it works like a charm. Have someone coming in tomorrow you’d like to hold tight but not have it be “weird” or “cause for dismissal”? Write this down. Continue reading »

On the surface, the only thing they have in common is the hair color, the birth in a foreign land, and the first name, Anna. But, you know, anything is possible and should it turn out that this girl is the new AC, you’re gonna want to be up to speed on what she’s all about. Anna Fermanova, 24, was held up by agents at JKF, who took issue with the fact that she was allegedly trying to smuggle a “$7,000 Raptor 4X night-vision weapons sight and two other $4,000 devices” out of the country, which you’re not allowed to do. She’ll be charged with “attempting to export the devices, which are considered US munitions,” and is not only denying the spy label, but claiming to find this whole thing pants-pissingly funny, making her all the more suspect. Continue reading »

  • 28 Jul 2010 at 3:30 PM
  • /
  • News

Man Group Departures Not So Unfounded

As we mentioned last week, in the wake of the GLG buy, things are not looking so good inside Man Group. Redemptions are “mounting,” bonus outlook is bad to very bad and employees are making a dash for the exits.  Today Financial News confirms the departures of 8 of the 15 front office employees who’ve taken off. Continue reading »

Is there nothing this woman can’t do? The answer is no. Whether it’s playing soccer in jewels, teaching a pig how to play the piano, demonstrating “school-girl chic,” keeping a hockey player happy, dressing herself while inebriated, attending galas on crutches, shoe shopping with a broken foot, dancing her ass off, and or producing an “emotionally touching” film, this chick does it all. Next, I say Phil gives her a shot at her own portfolio. Unless of course he’s threatened by her presumably formidable market savvy. [Hamptons]

Remember Paul Greenwood? He didn’t get as much press as some other hedge fund managers running Ponzi schemes, even though he should have, if only for the fact that he spent a good deal of investor money on a 1,348 teddy bears, valued at $3 million in total, showcased in “collector display cabinetry” at the top of a dramatic spiral staircase in his home and kept track of via a spreadsheet that noted specifics like “full-dressed in sailor suit, lavender-tipped mohair coat [and] felt spats. Anyway, he admitted today that he financed this passion via a “sort of” Ponzi scheme. Continue reading »

Whether or not you’ve asked, the PIMCO founder has chosen to devote the first half (that’s 512 words) of August’s Outlook to the matter. Specifically, the indignity of the automatic flush. In related news, perhaps this would be a good time for PIMCO investors to start considering finding another person to manage their bond investments? Take it away, Bill:

I write this month to condemn the inventor of the electronic “seeing eye” toilet. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking toilets here, doo-doo-stuff, some of which I hopefully won’t step in myself over the next few paragraphs. I know there must be more substantive and less objectionable topics to bring before you, but I have a sense that many of you joint me in spirit if not common experience and so I devote this month’s Outlook to another trivial snippet emphasizing our joint humanity and sense of loss due to the recent disappearance of the hand flusher.

I don’t know where it is located exactly, but there’s an electronic eye in the plumbing of public toilets these days that can sense when you get up and down (or is it down and up) and are finally finished with your “business,” if you get my drift. My doctor says a proctology exam is a necessary evil but cameras in toilets? Never having seen myself from this particular angle, it is particularly embarrassing to turn over the assignment to camera and in effect say, “Snap away– see anything that doesn’t look right?” I figure if there’s an eye in there, then there could also be a little voice that says, “Have a seat,” which of course I do, usually with much haste and a sense that I’d better get on with it before I attract a crowd.

Continue reading »