Mary Jo White was the top federal prosecutor in New York City during Bill Bratton’s first run as the Big Apple’s top cop, and she learned a few lessons from his “broken windows” theory: Clean a place up a little, and throw the fucking book at the street urchins who are messing things up with […]
Search Results: "shrimp"
Legroom Gadget Maker Sees Sales Jump After Air-Rage Case (Bloomberg) The Knee Defender, a gadget that blocks airplane seats from reclining, got a global boost after a scuffle between two passengers forced a United Airlines jet to make an unscheduled landing. The gizmo’s website crashed today after traffic surged, and sales rose “substantially” for the […]
Argentina Unopposed to Bank Deal With Hedge Funds (Bloomberg) Argentina’s Economy Minister Axel Kicillof said the government wouldn’t oppose a third-party solution to its dispute with a group of hedge funds who successfully sued the country for $1.5 billion. A U.S. judge has blocked Argentina from paying its debt — including an interest payment due […]
Ackman Plans Public Hedge Fund (Dealbook) While hedge funds typically raise funds privately, the founder of the $13 billion Pershing Square Capital Management is planning to tap the public stock market. Mr. Ackman is aiming to raise billions of dollars for a closed-end fund that could list on the London Stock Exchange as soon as […]
BofA Scrapping Market-Making Unit Amid Trading Scrutiny (Bloomberg) Bank of America Corp. is dismantling an electronic market-making unit created last year to serve the lender’s Merrill Lynch wealth-management division, said two people with knowledge of the decision. Increased regulatory scrutiny of U.S. equity markets and managers’ concerns for the potential perception of a conflict of […]
Once upon a time, say from 1995 through 2002, there was no better place to be come chow time than the Olive Garden. Oh, the unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks! The pastas, whose recipes were pretend-learned at the maybe-not-so-much-extant Culinary Institute of Tuscany! The shrimp scampi, rivaled only by OG’s sister restaurant and frequent neighbor, […]
Winners of 2013: Boring Investors (WSJ) In the best year for U.S. stocks since 1995, the smart way to play the markets has been to follow the dumb money. So-called dumb-money strategies, which involve buying and holding a plain-vanilla portfolio of U.S. stocks, did much better than the more complex approaches employed by hedge funds […]
Banks Speeding Asia Promotions Doubles Rate of Pay Raises (Bloomberg) Ang Eng Siong, 33, has been promoted every year since he completed Oversea-Chinese Banking Corp.’s management associate program in 2010, when he was put in charge of two older, higher-ranked colleagues. “My team members were all a lot more experienced in that particular role,” said […]
Time was, the life of a junior investment banker meant making an obscene amount of money for someone just out of college, in exchange for, well, everything. Weekends were a privilege, not a right, all-nighters were a way of life, and if your boss wasn’t barking increasingly onerous demands at you, ripping your head off […]
Goldman faces losses on erroneous trades (FT) A computer glitch at Goldman Sachs could cost the investment bank $100m or more after it inadvertently made a large number of erroneous options trades on Tuesday that disrupted trading across multiple US exchanges, market participants told the Financial Times. A trading system that normally tracks how Goldman […]
$$$ U.S. Agrees Not to Prosecute ‘London Whale’ [WSJ] $$$ Fed’s Yellen Says Stance on Banks Hardened [WSJ] $$$ SEC wins dismissal of lawsuit over handling of $7 billion Stanford fraud [Reuters] $$$ Ackman said in an interview with Charlie Rose recorded today that his investment in J.C. Penney so far has been a “disappointment.” […]
Investor William Ackman Targets J.C. Penney’s CEO (WSJ) J.C. Penney Co.’s largest shareholder is pressing the board to quickly replace its chief executive, as the battered department-store chain struggles to turn around a deep slide in sales. The move to unseat interim CEO Myron “Mike” Ullman sets up a standoff between hedge fund manager William […]
Economy Adds 171,000 Jobs (WSJ)
U.S. payrolls increased by a seasonally adjusted 171,000 jobs last month, the Labor Department said Friday. The politically important unemployment rate, obtained by a separate survey of U.S. households, rose one-tenth of a percentage point to 7.9%. Economists surveyed by Dow Jones Newswires expected a gain of 125,000 in payrolls and a 7.9% jobless rate.
Hedge Fund Cashes In On Greek Bonds (Reuters)
London-based hedge fund Adelante Asset Management has made a 70 percent gain on a sale of Greek bonds, showing the potential for big profits from betting on a recovery in the fortunes of a country effectively off-limits to investors a few months ago…Since the restructuring, Greek government bond prices have strengthened, allowing Adelante to sell them for around 24 cents on the euro, having bought them for around 14 cents in June, the company said. A Greek government bond maturing in 2042, for example, is currently trading at around 20.8 cents on the euro, Thomson Reuters data shows. Other hedge funds have made similar bets. Third Point, a high profile New York hedge fund, for example, has been a significant buying of cut-price Greek bonds.
RBS Eyes Libor Settlement Soon (WSJ)
RBS wants to seal a settlement with regulators over its alleged rigging of key interest rates in the coming months, as the part state-owned bank looks to draw a line under the scandal. Speaking to reporters at the bank’s third-quarter results presentation, Chief Executive Stephen Hester said he would be “disappointed” if he couldn’t provide details on a settlement by February. “We are up for settling with all and everyone as soon as they are ready. But each regulator has to satisfy itself that it has all the facts,” he said.
Deutsche Bank Faces Top Surcharge as FSB Shuffles Tiers (Bloomberg)
Deutsche Bank would be required to hold more capital and Bank of America Corp.’s burden stands to be reduced as global regulators shuffled the competitive balance among the world’s biggest banks. Citigroup, HSBC and JPMorgan join Deutsche Bank as firms that will be targeted for a capital surcharge of 2.5 percent, according to an updated list published yesterday by the Financial Stability Board. The change means Bank of America already exceeds requirements, while Deutsche Bank would be more than 2 percentage points below the new minimum of 9.5 percent. “That limits earnings potential for Citigroup, JPMorgan and Deutsche Bank compared to Bank of America, all other things being equal, so it’s certainly a competitive advantage for them,” said David Kass, a professor at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business.
Short-Sellers of Europe Set to Be Unmasked (CNBC)
The European Securities and Markets Authority (ESMA), the EU regulator, has issued new rules on the short-selling of securities indicating that anyone with short positions of greater than 0.2 percent in an EU company’s shares must report it to regulators. Positions of more than 0.5 percent will be publicly released, naming both the company and the short-seller. Public disclosure is triggered any time that level is hit with each 0.1 percent increase or decrease after that.
NYSE Open For Business Shows Wall Street Still Vulnerable (Bloomberg)
The Securities and Exchange Commission may consider whether exchanges’ emergency regimens need to be bolstered, according to a person familiar with the regulator’s thinking who asked not to be named because the matter is private. The industry’s decision to halt equities and bond trading shows the challenge of maintaining markets when a catastrophe threatens New York City, home to 168,700 securities industry workers. “One of the purposes of having electronic exchanges and basing them away from New York City is for the market to be more robust and stay open,” Charles Jones, a finance professor at Columbia Business School in New York, said in a phone interview. “This is what the back-up plans were designed for. But the markets didn’t open.”
David Blaine Entertains New Yorkers After Hurricane Sandy (NYP)
When a backup generator at Old Homestead Steakhouse sputtered, the restaurant started serving hundreds of pounds of steaks, burgers, lobster tails and shrimp on the street outside for downtown denizens. David Blaine, the modern-day Harry Houdini who spent days recently being shocked in a steel suit, pitched in to provide spontaneous street entertainment. “David was rumbling by on his motorcycle, and he stopped to see why there was a line on 14th Street,” said a spy, adding 800 chowed down. Blaine then asked restaurant co-owner Greg Sherry if there was a deck of cards in the house. Blaine used the full deck and some spare silverware to perform magic tricks outside for an hour and a half. The magic man, an Old Homestead regular, was offered a doggie bag but said he’s on a special diet in preparation for his next stunt.
Romney Faces Sale With A Win (WSJ)
Mr. Romney’s assets, valued at between $190 million and $250 million, include investments in hedge funds, private-equity funds and partnerships at Bain Capital, which he ran for 15 years. These entities have ownership stakes in dozens of companies that could be affected by government action, such as radio firm Clear Channel Communications Inc. and a video-surveillance firm based in China. Many businessmen and wealthy individuals have entered government service and sold off holdings. But a Romney sale would be especially complicated. Investments in private-equity funds can be difficult to value and seldom change hands. Any sale would have to be handled carefully to avoid any appearance that the incoming president was getting favorable treatment from a buyer.
What Do Asia Markets Fear? Romney As President (CNBC)
At a time of heightened uncertainty, with the ongoing European debt crisis and the upcoming leadership transition in China, a new president in the world’s largest economy will cause additional nervousness among Asian investors, experts told CNBC. “Asian traders don’t like change in leadership. You would see weakness in the markets if Romney won, because people would question how well he would deal with the impending doom of the ‘fiscal cliff.’ Obama would be a safer bet, as investors would enjoy continuity at a time of a lot of uncertainty,” said Justin Harper, market strategist, at IG Markets…Besides, Romney’s stance on China is particularly worrying feels Harper. The presidential hopeful has said he will name China a “currency manipulator,” which could lead to more tensions with the mainland, including on the trade front. “You would expect trade between the two nations to suffer, this would have a knee-jerk reaction on trade in the region,” he added.
Fed Up With Fees (NYP)
The manager of a large public pension’s private-equity program said for the last 24 months he has not committed money to any new private-equity fund that doesn’t give all fees it charges its companies back to investors. He is doing this because he wants an alignment of interest where he and the private-equity firm only make money by reselling a business. PE firms, he believes, will stop charging their companies fees if there is little in it for them. So, KKR, for example — responding to pressure — has agreed to give all fees it charges its companies in its new fund back to investors, the pension manager said. KKR is not the only firm making this change. Apax Partners, Blackstone Group, Centerbridge Partners, Providence Equity and TPG Capital are among those making the same concessions, the pension manager said.
Local shelter mistakenly euthanizes family pet (WRCB)
After waiting 10 days to be reunited with his dog, a local college student learned the family’s pet had been euthanized by mistake. The Lab mix was being held at McKamey Animal Center, where administrators say a paperwork mix up led to the dog’s death. Matt Sadler adopted the three-year-old Lab mix when he was just a puppy. “That was my best friend,” Sadler says. “He was there for me through my parents’ divorce and a lot of really hard tough times in my life.” It was hard for Matt when Zion was quarantined last week, after jumping on a pizza delivery driver. “The lady didn’t want to press charges, it wasn’t anything serious, but the law has a 10-day quarantine period,” he says. Because Zion was a month past due on his yearly rabies vaccine, he was held for the full 10 days at McKamey Animal Center. Thursday, Matt eagerly returned to the facility to take Zion home. “She says, ‘I’m sorry, Matt, we accidentally euthanized your dog’,” Sadler says…McKamey has offered to cremate Zion, and allow Matt to adopt any dog he chooses.
…when Falcone and five LightSquared colleagues met over a meal of white-truffle pasta and Barolo at a Washington restaurant in January, they failed to come up with anything they could have done differently, according to a person who was there who asked not to be identified because the meeting was private.– Falcone Waits For Icahn Doubling Down On Network
When JPMorgan, which earned the most of any of the six banks over the four quarters, decided to thank employees for their performance this year, it sent 161,680 individually wrapped buttercream-frosted, chocolate chip, oatmeal-raisin and sugar cookies to retail branches and call centers in the U.S., U.K., Philippines and India.– No Joy On Wall Street As Biggest Banks Earn $63 Billion
Cooperman, 68, said in an interview that he can’t walk through the dining room of St. Andrews Country Club in Boca Raton, Florida, without being thanked for speaking up. At least four people expressed their gratitude on Dec. 5 while he was eating an egg-white omelet, he said.–Bankers Join Billionaires To Debunk ‘Imbecile’ Attack On Top 1%
American International Group Chief Executive Officer Robert Benmosche, 66, a Kappa Beta Phi member who disclosed in October that he was undergoing treatment for cancer, was there. He looked energetic, the two attendees said. In 1930, the dinner was beefsteak. This year, the meal featured lobster salad, shrimp, pigs-in-a-blanket, lamb chops and pistachio ice cream.– Wall Street Secret Society Kappa Beta Phi Adds Dealmakers With Lehman Rite
Wall Street headhunter Daniel Arbeeny said his “income has gone down tremendously.” On a recent Sunday, he drove to Fairway Market in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn to buy discounted salmon for $5.99 a pound.–Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Aspen For Coupons
The clam-juice cocktails at the private Stock Exchange Luncheon Club, where brokers lined up three deep at the raw bar, contained tomato juice, cooled water from boiled chowder clams, ketchup, celery salt and the option of a freshly shucked clam. Add vodka and they called it a Red Snapper.–How America Ceded Capitalism’s Bastion To German Boerse Seizing Big Board
As someone once said, you can find out a lot about a man or woman’s character during moments of great crisis. Do they fall apart? Do they become shells of their former selves? Do the worst parts of them come out? Do they turn their backs on everything they supposedly once stood for? Or do they, even in moments of darkness, rise to the occasion and demonstrate the morals and values they held when times were good are the very same ones they choose to live by when times are bad? For Bloomberg News reporter Max Abelson, Hurricane Sandy was a test. Would he turn in an article containing few if any reference to the food people consumed during the natural disaster? Or would his commitment to bringing readers exhaustive details re: what his Wall Street subjects eat (see above, here, and here) burn ever bright, to the extent that sources and interviewees elaborating on their situation beyond provisions would find themselves cut off and told, “Just the food and drink, toots. I got a lotta calls to make”?
Luckily for us, it was the latter.
Herewith, an accounting of things stuffed down the gullets of Wall Street over the last two days:
* Murry Stegelmann, Kilimanjaro Advisors: expensive wine, green tea.
“I had to go to the wine cellar and find a good bottle of wine and drink it before it goes bad,” Murry Stegelmann, 50, a founder of investment-management firm Kilimanjaro Advisors LLC, wrote in an e-mail after he lost power at 6 p.m. on Oct. 29 in Darien, Connecticut. The bottle he chose, a 2005 Chateau Margaux, was given 98 points by wine critic Robert Parker and is on sale at the Westchester Wine Warehouse for $999.99. “Outstanding,” Stegelmann said. He started the day with green tea at Starbucks, talking with neighbors about the New York Yankees’ future and moving boats to the parking lot of Darien’s Middlesex Middle School.
* Wilson Ervin, Credit Suisse: the most depressing breakfast ever.
Erin…went to the bank’s office at 11 Madison Ave. afterward to work on evaluations of managing directors and financial regulation. He ate a lunch of Raisin Bran, coffee and a banana from the 7-Eleven downstairs, he said.
* Pablo Salame, Goldman Sachs: sushi, the piece of which Abelson or his research assistant counted.
* Wilbur Ross, WL Ross And Co: a painting.
“I was scheduled to come back Sunday night, and I decided not to, because everything during the week would be canceled anyway,” said Ross, chairman of private-equity firm WL Ross & Co. “I’m stuck in Palm Beach.”
He stayed in touch with colleagues using a fax machine along with phone and e-mail. His Florida home includes a painting by Rene Magritte of petrified blue apples, an image that is also depicted on a custom-made Van Cleef & Arpels watch he owns, he told Bloomberg News this year.
* JPMorgan employees: many of the culinary delights its cafeteria offers on a regular basis but NO DUMPLINGS.
JPMorgan, which sent out more than a dozen hurricane updates to its employees featuring detailed weather maps, kept parts of its 270 Park Ave. cafeteria open yesterday. Danishes and scones were available near the salad bar, and the bank’s deli had sandwiches with grilled vegetables. The dumpling bar was closed.
Wall Street Finds Sandy Silver Lining In Wine, Monopoly [Bloomberg]
Related: Things People Have Eaten in the Presence of Bloomberg Reporter Max Abelson [Daily Intel]
$$$ Ben Bernanke is pretty sure the thing he’s doing is not a horrible idea [FRB]
$$$ In Goldman Programmer Case, a Way Around Double Jeopardy [DealBook]
$$$ “The idea is that while equity owners – management – are like owners of call options on the assets of a firm (aka the Merton Model), banks are like down-and-out call option owners, because if their book equity goes down too far they will be forced into a fire-sale or liquidated by regulators. This is a barrier option, and has the interesting property that its vega – the derivative of the value of the equity with respect to asset volatility – is negative when it gets close in value to its barrier.” [Falkenblog]
$$$ Looking at cats on the internet makes you more productive at playing games on the internet [Wonkblog]
$$$ Shia LaBeouf rescues sea lion [tv3.ie]
$$$ Citi Capital Advisors is looking for a director of hedge funds risk management in New York [DBCC]
$$$ DVA, one half of Dealbreaker will miss you [WSJ]
$$$ LIBOR may converge with CD rates [Sober Look]
$$$ “A Miami-bound American Airlines flight made an emergency landing at JFK when a row of passenger seats became unbolted and dangerously slid around like a carnival ride …” [NYP]
$$$ “Queens teacher suing city claiming he was beaten up by a first-grader”; the pictures are superb [NYP]
Do you have a question for us? About anything? Send it here with the subject line “What do you think of this, Dealbreaker?”
Q: Given that Shake Shack is practically Goldman Sachs adjacent, it would stand to reason Shake Shack is the best burger in NYC, as I would find it hard to believe Goldman would stand for anything less. Yet I’m skeptical. Where does it land on your NYC burger rankings and if it’s not at the top, who is? No pressure but I’m planning a “last burgers” tour because I just got my cholesterol results back and if I don’t cut meat out soon I’m probably looking at an early death by heart attack so I need to make this count.
A: You’re right to be skeptical about the supposed greatness of Shake Shack. It’s a fine burger. It’s okay. But okay isn’t good enough, is it? Burgers are very important to me (and I sense they are to you too) so the answer is no, it is not. The high risk to your health necessitates a high reward, not something middling that elicits only a tepid golf clap. SS’s burger is not the burger for me because it possesses only one of the four baseline qualities I want in a burger, those being: 1) the ability to order it (and have it actually come out) medium rare 2) a thick patty 3) bacon and 4) cheese. I actually feel a great deal of stress identifying, definitively, the number one, for fear of steering you in the wrong direction. I wish I were as organized and methodical about burgers as Greg Lippman is about sushi but c’est la vie. So let’s talk about my tops, plural, any of which would make a fine last meal.
Lure Fish Bar has a surprisingly great burger– highly recommend. I love “The Cadillac” at PJ Clarke’s but you have to get it with smothered onions. 5Napkin- yes. Spotted Pig- yes. Bill’s Burger Bar- yes. Burger Joint- they don’t do bacon so only in a pinch (people really get off on going there because of the “secret” hideaway aspect but: 1) We’re talking about taste, not ambiance and 2) Going behind a velvet curtain in a hotel lobby into another room that seems out of place with its surroundings does not a secret hideaway make. Give me secret passwords, doors with those tiny little windows you slide from the inside, and a real sense of danger and then we can talk about whether or not the experience enhances the food, which it very well might because stuff probably tastes better when your adrenaline is flowing and you’re thinking “I’m lucky to be alive” while eating it).
My favorite burger ever was the one at The Stoned Crow but the stupid place closed and I’m still upset. The cook came from Corner Bistro and it represented everything that was good about the CB experience minus everything that sucks (meat that’s too dry, bacon that’s overcooked, the 5 hour wait with someone’s elbow shoved in your rib cage). Peter Luger has a very, very good burger though I’ve only had it once because I find the idea of getting a burger there kind of an odd choice. You’re here for a reason and that’s not it. (I actually got into a pretty heated debate about this topic with a friend once who argued that you could/people do order it as a side, like “We’ll have the steak-for-two, the shrimp cocktail, the french-fried potatoes, and a burger.” He claimed to me he’d seen this happen with his own two eyes and then proceeded to make the case for why it’s probably not that uncommon. First of all, I don’t believe for a second that he really saw this happen and neither should you. But let’s play a long for a moment and pretend he did. I love meat in practically every form, particularly red (and pork but not lamb) and a few seconds ago I typed the words “burgers are very important to me” and meant it but if you’re ordering one on the side of your steak you have a problem.) I haven’t been to JG Melon in forever and while I remember the burger being quite good, the real draw for me would be the cottage fries (my second favorite type after waffle), plus the manager who I’m guessing has been there since the place opened and the last time I was there led some kid out of the dining room by the collar while telling him “I am gonna shut you down” for reasons unknown. A new burger I tried recently was the one from a place called Jacob’s Biscuits and Pickles and it was heaven. A friend tells me that Donovan’s makes a “fantastic” burger and while I hesitate to recommend a place that I haven’t tried myself, I trust his judgment so I think we’ll be okay here.
As for your medical results I’m not a doctor but let me just say this. In December I had a checkup for the first time in a few years, during which they took a bunch of blood as part of the routine physical. I didn’t think much of it and then a day or two before I was supposed to get the results I started panicking when I realized I was going to find out what my cholesterol and other cholesterol-related levels were and that maybe they’d be bad because of how much I love meat and bacon and wonderful things like that, which are supposedly “going to kill you.” What would I do? Would I have to start a new, meaningless/just-going-through-the-motions/what’s-the-point-of-it-all life without them? I legitimately became pre-emptively depressed at the thought. Then I got my results: not only are my cholesterol levels great but my triglycerides score is “even more impressive” (average is 134, mine is 47, suck it, everyone). What can we learn from this? I took it to mean that the aforementioned delicacies aren’t actually bad for you at all and I suggest you do the same.
Q: Here’s a question for that portion of your readership that uses Bloomberg regularly and logs in with a B-Unit token. How many times do you need to swipe your finger on average before the damn thing works? How many time would be reasonable? Maybe I’m a vampire or a replicant or whatever mythical creature is known for not having fingerprints, but it takes me on average 8-10 swipes. The few days in my life I’ve verified on the first swipe I make sure to buy a lottery ticket, or do a trade with GS. How many swipes do you think it is reasonable for Bloomberg to expect me to tolerate? And, follow-up question: what the hell does “Swipe Longer” mean? It sounds kind of porn-y, even coming from a little plastic doodad.
-Guy who remembers when Bloomberg was a physical machine and you could get on a plane without showing any ID.
A: I don’t use Bloomberg but I sit across from someone who does who I assume would (has?) pose(d) the exact same question to Bloomberg Help Desk if he could get himself down to a 7 on the searing anger scale long enough to breathe and type it out. Instead he yells “Oh for fuck’s sake, Bloomberg!” on average 8-10 times a day, gets really irritated when someone calls his phone to discuss the problem (“No, just email me,” click) and one time had an amazingly awkward interaction with a technician who came to our office to fix our keyboard where he was like, “I don’t know what you’re doing here/you can’t fix this/you’re wasting my time” and the guy basically agreed but kept standing there while my colleague refused to look at him.
“Swipe Longer” does sound porn-y. I assume it means you’re supposed to swipe slower, which also sounds porn-y but I suspect you already knew that. Relatedly, while doing some research (Googling) to answer your question(s) I came across this, re: the B-UnitTM: “…our credit card-sized biometric security device gives you remote access to your Bloomberg Professional service – with the same level of rock-solid security you get on the terminal.” These people are sick.
Matt says: ” I probably only average about 4-5 swipes but each failed swipe leaves me sure that I’ll never get it right again and be doomed to staring at a blinking screen while hopelessly molesting a plastic card. I also find ‘swipe longer’ confusing though I think I’ve figured out that it doesn’t mean ‘swipe more slowly’ but rather ‘let us see a little more of your finger’. But it’s still better than using the keyboard.”
Q: How do you think Steve is coping with losing out on the Dodgers? Do you think he’ll try for another team?
A: There’s going to be hell to pay. Even if he had another team in mind, and they were available, why would he go through the process for a third time? He should start a new pro league and destroy MLB/Bud Selig.
Q: Do you keep in touch with Gianna from Beamers? Related, what was the geneses of the idea for that trip?
A: The last time I chatted (texted) with Gianna was when she wanted me to attend the Beamers Christmas party in December, which I told you all to go to in my stead. Every few months she will reach out and ask me when I’m going to stop by again and I feel a bit badly because I never do and haven’t been since the one time, though not that badly because I assume she just wants me to bring paying customers and it would be fair to say at least some of the people on any given night are there because of all the free advertising we give the place (or not; it’s all relative).
I said this at the time but the field trip came about because several months prior, a Connecticut resident was pulled over and charged with a DUI (and having an unlicensed gun on him). He was a UBS managing director and he had been coming from Beamers. We knew this because he offered this information up to the police and it made it into the Police Blotter section of one of my favorite publications, the Stamford Advocate. When I wrote my piece about it, I said this was a sign that the cultural relevance of Beamers to Wall Street North could no longer be ignored and that it deserved a profile. Then people kept asking when I was going to go and when they could expect to read the reportage and I realized I actually had to do it. For months I would come in to work and say to myself, just go to Beamers today, just fucking do it. Every day I dragged my heels I felt horribly guilty, like I was really letting everyone down so I finally said no more excuses, gave myself a deadline and went. Being able to cross things off your To Do list feels SO FREEING.
Q: Is commenter PMCO a dude?
A: Nope, she’s a lady and, in fact, a high-powered business woman who manages and directs at one of the world’s pre-eminent financial services firm, so show some respect.
Q: WHEN IS BREAKING BAD COMING BACK?
A: I don’t know and it’s killing me. Supposedly they started filming just this past Monday so that probably means we’re out another six months? At least? I didn’t watch it when it aired and then I did seasons 1-4 in like six weeks and decided that is the only way to watch TV. None of this waiting a week, I need to be able to go through 3 or 4 at a time. Now I’m in the same boat as the rest of you and it sucks. Worse than that, when is Homeland coming back? I think I did the whole season in a day when I was trying to fill the TV thriller series void and it may actually exceed my love of BB. In the meantime I’ve been subsisting on a steady diet of second and third-rate shows of the same genre like Prison Break (not after Season 2 because come on) and The Killing. It’s not pretty.
Q: How should I handle ex-colleagues who are hitting me up for a job but I think are incompetent? Related: How do I ask a guy for a job when I blatantly didn’t help him out in his own job hunt?
A: Oh god, I struggled with answering this, as did most of the people I polled because how are you supposed to be really honest in this situation? You can’t be and it’s awkward and you’d rather not deal with it at all and I assume you’ve been avoiding the matter entirely for at least a few weeks now and the guy probably just assumes you’ve decided not to help him and has burned you in effigy. Anyway, what seems to be the consensus is that hopefully you have a friendly relationship with the person doing the hiring for the job, in which case you should just casually be like, “Here’s this guy’s resume, which I’m only passing on to you because I promised I would, do what you want with it,” and hope said person picks up what you’re throwing down and/or figure’s out your ex-colleague’s incompetence on his own which he presumably will. Then tell the guy you tried- which you did- and you’re good.
Another person I consulted said that “if you think they are incompetent, chances are they think really highly of themselves, so just ask what they are making and whatever they say, your response should be that you just ‘can’t afford’ someone of their caliber.”
As for your own personal situation, that was unfortunate. You should have at least faked going through the motions so as not to come come off like a total asshole (Friend ‘o DB/Dispenser of Tough Love: “…if you were dumb enough to blatantly not help out, then you will be passed over. This is how things work in the real world.”) But maybe you’re a lovable scamp of an asshole who people like being around? In that case you could probably still salvage things if you really turn on the charm, otherwise I suggest working the contacts you haven’t flipped off.
Q: I have a gigantic prick of a co-worker. He’s uptight, self-important, blames others for mistakes he’s made and has somehow made it pretty far professionally despite being a halfwit. No one in our group can stand him and at least once a day he gets on the phone to yell at his kids, who are probably taking steps to become emancipated minors. I don’t have a question, I just wanted to let that out.
A: Good, I’m glad you did and I hope it made you feel at least a tiny bit better. It’s times like these that I wish I had a business in which people could contact me with the name of a person who’s a real thorn in their side and then me and my crack team of mercenaries/soldiers of fortune would show up at their place of work and accost them and make a scene, which would help them and be fun for us. We’d charge on a sliding scale, based on a variety of factors, such as what the offense was, how hard/dangerous it would be for us to infiltrate the place of work (do we have to rappel down the side of a building?), and so on and so forth. I feel like it could really work.
Q: In May I will be starting a new job, located in Connecticut. I currently live in NYC. Is this going to suck? Do I need to move? I started making a pros/cons list for CT and all I could come up with for the pro side was “office is there” and “not much crime?”. Should I stay or should I go? I’m 29, single, no kids. Another thing to take into consideration is that I’m not a morning person.
A: You should move. At first I was thinking that it wasn’t really a big deal that you’re not a morning person (I’m not either, at all) and that Grand Central is a nice place, and you could nap on the way up and become a regular in the bar car on the way back and that moving didn’t seem necessary. Then I remembered that me not being a morning person as it relates to getting to work/etc has no relevance to the real world/your situation. I have an office to go to, and most days I do, and I need to start producing things for my job at some point or I get yelled at (by readers) but it’s all very loose and it doesn’t make much difference if I’m physically at my desk at 8 (ROTFLMAO) or 9 (still funny) or 10 or 11. Basically, I wouldn’t last a day at a normal job, which is what you’re presumably taking. (Actually, I probably would last and really enjoy it for a day or maybe even two strictly because of, like, the novelty of it all. When I was a little kid, in addition to the standard imagination/scenario game of “house” I used to play “office.” Some days I would be the boss, some days I would be the secretary, both roles pretty much entailed me sitting at a coffee table I was pretending was a desk and writing on stacks of papers. So, for me, I feel like going to/working at your place of business would be fun at first and that’s probably also why Matt will often (accurately) be like, “You wouldn’t understand this because you’ve never had a real job.”) You’re going to have to be up and out the door at a certain time every day and now having to catch a train will be an added level of anxiety, not to mention an infringement on precious sleep time. That said, while my vote is still to move, I don’t think you should put crime or lack thereof in the pro column because have you read the Stamford Advocate or Greenwich Time lately? Every day it’s headlines about burglaries and armed robbery and murders. Yesterday there was a story about a man who assaulted a woman with a dumbbell. Right now there’s an article titled “Dead sheep, lit candles found” (authorities “suspect” the sheep was killed, though sure, maybe he lit a bunch of candles and committed suicide). In NYC, you’re always surrounded by people- in the suburbs, no one can hear you scream. Good luck with the move!
[Sidenote: Some other people say you should “make Connecticut your primary residence,” by renting a place that you stay in during the week and staying in a place in NYC on the weekends, so you can avoid paying New York income tax and have the best of both worlds. Give Julian Robertson a call to discuss this further.]
Who is the greatest Ponzi schemer of our generation? If we’re evaluating on the basis of sheer size, Bernie Madoff is the obvious answer. But as many of you know, size can only get you so far in life- it’s what you do with what you’ve got that matters. And Berns really didn’t do anything […]
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$$$ Strauss-Kahn’s Lawyers Suggest Credibility Issues on Accuser (NYT) $$$ Ex-IMF chief lawyers complain about police leaks (Reuters) $$$ Disappointing US Unemployment, GDP Reports Sink Dollar (DJ via WSJ) $$$ UBS Is Not in Talks to Move Switzerland Headquarters, Chief Gruebel Says (Bloomberg) $$$ Deutsche Bank CEO says bank could overtake Goldman (Reuters)
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The holiday party was canceled last year but unlike certain other banks, terrified at the backlash that would result from the sight of their employees enjoying themselves over shrimp puffs, JPM is up to get down with Christ and corporate groping. A few employees are miffed at the fact that they were informed the investment […]