Aleksey Vayner

Aleksey Vayner Gets Married?

vayner gets married.jpgDo you remember Aleksey Vayner? In what seems like another era–mostly, because it was another era–Aleksey Vayner was a cocky kid who claimed to be running a hedge fund while he was an undergraduate at Yale. He submitted a resume to a couple of investment banks that included a line about his website.
That website turned out to feature the most ridiculously self-aggrandizing video that we’d ever seen. For a few moments we thought it was a fake. The name–sounds like “Vainer”–was just too perfect. But the video was real enough. Soon it was the talk of the town.
So what’s Vayner up to now? Well it looks like everyone’s famous all-dancing, weight-lifting, pretend hedge-fund managing egomaniac is married, according to an anonymous tipster at IvyGate. We wish them at least as much joy as they brought us two years ago!

Aleksey Vayner Gets Back In The Saddle

vaynerinthenewyorktimes.jpgHe tried to get a job at an investment bank, failed and went into hiding for about a year but Aleksey Vayner is back, my bitches, and doing what, you might ask? Trying to find a job. Yes, even people who can bench press one billion pounds on sheer exaggeration alone need some sort of way to pay the rent, and take it from someone who knows, 2-bedroom realities of one’s own making do not come cheap. Mr. Vayner has been making the rounds and just last week interviewed at a fund in New York that would only speak about the life change experience if we promised not to reveal its name, because taking a meeting with this guy (or not knowing who he was in the first place) does not tend to be good for anyone’s reputation.
We’re going to get the most disappointing stuff out of the way first, starting with the fact that Vayner’s no longer sending his CV out in video form. Bull shit, I know. Equally upsetting: AV’s resume no longer makes mention of the book he previously claimed to have written, “Women’s Silent Tears: A Unique Gendered Perspective on the Holocaust.” As a woman and a fan on the Holocaust who often cries inaudibly, I have to say, this one stings, and I’m not really sure what the rationale was behind it. Additional letdowns—he’s now going by “Alex” and is said to have come off as “personable,” “chatty,” and “laid back.” It’s like, who the hell is this guy? Luckily, that only lasted for about five minutes, at which point he took off his normal person mask and became the monstrously arrogant and, dare we say it, sociopathic liar we all know and love.
Was the video he sent to UBS an error in judgment? No, was not an error in judgment, fuck you very much. It was just, in the words of the Maestro, “taken out of context.” Oh, and he’s got another book coming out (ETA, Summer 2008). It’s called the Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success , and is based on Aleksey’s experience with the rich people he met through tennis and skiing. He wrote it because, honestly, he’s read every professional development book out there, and they’re mostly full of crap. Obviously he could do better, so he did (that’s called initiative and the ability to do simple math, just two of the many qualities he offered the firm). Aleksey’s tome—a cross between a hard finance book and a self-help guide—works because it teaches you to “train your mind to have the right attitude toward money, and then shows you how to get it.” Seriously, just buy it, you’ll love it.
You’re probably wondering why Aleksey, who graduated in May, is just now looking for employment. Well wonder no longer—it’s because he was going to go pro in tennis, with a debut playing doubles in the US Open. Unfortunately, his partner hurt his wrist two hours before their match, and though he thought about playing as a single, Aleks just decided he might as well go into finance, at which he is equally if not more so adept.
Earlier: Everything we’ve ever written about Aleksey Vayner.

Aleksey Vayner’s Somewhat Toned-Down Resumé
[Word doc]

Impossible is Nothing REMIX

john vill.JPG
Meet John D. Villarreal, Esq – successful lawyer, investment banker, venture capitalist, retail broker, TV/Radio personality, reporter, political consultant, professional trainer, motivational speaker, power lifter, athlete, dungeon master, alter boy and farm-hand. Learn about these amazing accomplishments to a blistering techno groove.
The best, most informative part of Villarreal’s interactive flash resume is the very last “Personal Bio” section. Some highlights:

Personal Bio
John grew up on a farm with all the farm animals you could think of [wombats, unicorns] and had a rural delivery (RD) box as opposed to a mailing address [do you know how freaking difficult it is to have an Asian pen-pal with a RD box?!]. At home, John and all his brothers and sisters helped out on the farm working all 256 acres [not an acre less, although acres 137-186 were always a little touch and go]. John was very good at working [like a scorned New Zealander] with the horses, sheep and growing crops [the other things he was very bad at working].

Interestingly [really?], from a very young age, around 4 or 5 [3 or 6], John had been fascinated with business, stocks, politics, technology and sports [dinosaurs]. He often would play with early-version computers or Dungeons and Dragons [he’s a lvl 7 half-elf sorcerer wielding a mighty vorpal Tandy 1000 + 1]… John also read many books on investing and building businesses or lifting weights [master of the pump and dump].

The bio goes on and on, but more highlights after the jump…
JDV, John D. Villarreal, Esq. [Humbling Flash Resume]

Read more »

Impossible Is The Opposite of Possible

Just when we had finally excised Aleksey Vayner from our consciousness (and his cease-and-desists from our inbox…), he pulls us back in. If you haven’t seen it yet–and really, you must–here’s Michael Cera’s (of Arrested Development fame) brilliant Aleksey Vayner parody:

Impossible Is The Opposite of Possible [YouTube]

Write-Offs: 12.07.06

$$$ The OJ Simpson Corollary [Long or Short Capital]
$$$Donald Trump, a man who loves style, seems satisfied with his coiffed comb-over. Are you? [Blogging Stocks]
$$$Merrill’s Changed Ways [Banker's Ball]

vaynerinthetimes.jpgImpossible may be nothing, but somethings may be unspoofable. And we’re starting to think that the Aleksey Vayner video is one of those things. We’ve watched a few of these spoofs, and we’re unimpressed. None of them even approaches the outrageousness of the origina, real, non-spoof Aleksey vid.
In fact, when we first saw the video we thought it was so brilliantly hysterical that it had to be a spoof. Turns out it was just funny because it was true. Except that parts that weren’t true—which were funny because they weren’t.
Somethings spoof themselves kids. Don’t waste your time trying to spoof Aleksey.
Even Vayner [YouTube]
Aleksey Vayner Impossible is Nothing SPOOF [YouTube]

Yeah. It Was Inevitable: A Vayner Video Parody


It’s even Halloween themed!