Relax. Steve Jobs is not dead even though you might have read his obituary yesterday on Bloomberg. The financial news service was updating its obituary on Jobs and accidentally published it on its wires.

"It was momentarily posted on the external wire, in error, and immediately deleted (within thirty seconds)," a spokeswoman for Bloomberg told DealBreaker.

It's not likely many were fooled into thinking the head of Apple was dead. It was full of blank spaces marked "TK" and "XXXX." The obituary contains notes on who to contact for comments on the death of Jobs. Named are Steve Wozniak, Larry Ellison, Al Gore, Bill Gates and Eric Schmidt, among others. So now Jobs knows who he should suck up to if he wants them to say nice things about him when he's dead.

The subheads tell you most of what you need to know. The first is appealingly morbid: "Time Is Limited." The rest read: "Change the World" "Mac" "Reality Distortion Field" "Sugared Water" "`Toy Story' Success" "Back to Apple" "We're Back" "Backdated Options" "Common Bug" "Great Work." Gotta love that sequence of back, back, backdaing, bug, RIP. (Gawker posted the whole thing here.)

Just in case this happens again, we suggest you check here for updates on the vitality of Jobs before trading.

The story also contains a canned explanation of the likely drop in Apple's stock. After the jump, read why the stock drop "is no surprise to investors and analysts."

Time Warner Inc.'s HBO cable network is thisclose to reaching a deal to have its programming delivered through Apple’s iTunes. Portfolio broke the story this morning, noting that when the deal is announced it will be the first time Apple agreed to a different price structure for a content provider.

The details are still vague, but HBO apparently got a better deal than other content providers. "One possibility is that HBO programming will have a higher retail price than the flat $1.99 fee Apple currently charges for video content; another is that HBO will receive a larger cut of the same flat rate than other iTunes content providers receive," Portfolio’s Josh Saul writes.

Although both companies are likely to bill the agreement as a victory—Apple gets more content and HBO more distribution—the deal could inspire other content providers to seek better deals from Apple. Many of those who have struck deals with Apple are reportedly dissatisfied, arguing they should be getting better economics from Apple, which makes money both on the distribution of content through iTunes as well as the sale of iPods and iPhones.

HBO In Your Pocket [Portfolio.com]

The only excuse we have to offer re: just now mentioning what happened on Fox Business Friday morning is that we don’t watch Fox Business. Sure, we’ve checked out a few choice clips (50 Cent, Sammy Hagar, Lamb Chop and Jerry Springer all come to mind) but only because they were forwarded to us in convenient link form. The bottom line is that there are three TVs in the office and each one is spoken for (TV1: CNBC; TV2: Nintendo (and the answer to all your, “Why haven’t you guys posted anything?” comments); TV3: A Best of Carney clipshow that was spliced together in-house and plays on loop). We don’t TiVo FB because it’s the sort of thing that has to be experienced in real-time.

Which brings us to this: unless something really drastic happens, like Maria Bartiromo announces that Cutter Associates is buying half of Bear Stearns, or Kudlow and Company is replaced by Paulie Shore and My Biatches, or Charlie Gasparino finally cops to being a drug mule, or Joe Kernen discusses Aquaman, the fictional movie from Entourage as though it were real, CNBC is getting bumped. No longer can we afford to miss Fox Business Morning for Breakfast reporting that Apple is taking an 8 percent stake in chipmaker AMD, contributor Charles Payne analyzing the genius (/imaginary) deal, and Glick correcting the misinformation by noting that “It’s not Apple, it’s Apple Dubai? Apple Dubai? Oh, Abu Dubai.” Yes, yes, Abu Dubai, AKA Abu Dhabi. The best part is Peter Barnes’s magical recovery which, paraphrasing, went sort of like this: “Ohhh, okay, okay, Abu Dubai, which was discovered and named by the Germans in 1904, and of course in German means a whale's vagina.” Your move, CNBC. Transcript (via SAI) and video (via Valleywag) after the jump.

The following are the secret weapons a few companies believe will serve them well in their respective battles against the iPod, the iPhone, and iTunes:

Microsoft has revamped the Zune, the train wreck of product that Andrew Ross Sorkin and Soledad O’Brien could barely disguise their (completely warranted) disgust for while promoting last year on CNN. Though in its second go, the Zune is smaller than a boom box, the revamped product offers no “radical” breakthroughs that suggest anyone would choose it over the iPod, unless held at gunpoint. The sharing feature remains useless, because the chances of the two people who own a Zune being in close enough range of one another are extremely slim.

Sony recently came out with a new version its Sony WALKMAN. This one has the ability to play digital video. I’m sorry, were you not listening because you were distracted by the fact that I’d just said “walkman”? Same here.

Amazon launched a “snazzed-up” music-downloading service last month. Who downloads their music from Amazon? This reformed music-embezzler uses iTunes exclusively, and I hate Steve Jobs so that’s got to mean something (or nothing).

Verizon unveiled the Voyager, manufactured by LG, today. Sort of unsurprisingly, Verizon Chief Marketing Officer Mike Lanman said he thinks “it’ll be the best phone…this year,” and then proceeded to take it to an even less realistic but much darker place in commenting that “it will kill the iPhone.” Bringing things back down to earth was Current Analysis analyst Avi Greengart, who said that while the phone may attract a few people not willing to switch to AT&T, it’s highly unlikely that the Voyager will “pull anybody away from an iPhone.”

Nice try to all of you who gave it a shot, and definitely take an A for effort. Maybe not Microsoft though, because seriously, the Zune? We've got more money on the Walkman. It’s almost as though you could *not* actually give a shit.

In other news, the date of the Apple backlash has been set for March 21, 2008.

Verizon unveils iPhone rival [Reuters]
Apple's iPod Still Rules, But Rivals Are Circling [cnbc]

Apple issued a stern warning yesterday to cult members that they may “permanently damage” their cell phone/iPod combos by using “unlocking programs” in an effort to get the Cadillac of mobiles to work on unauthorized, non-AT&T networks. Speaking in hushed tones the company was vague in describing the actual technical problems, only saying that fraternization with the evil programs (that might jeopardize their licensing agreement with AT&T) would render the phone “permanently inoperable” when users install future software updates. Any issues that arise from the installation of forbidden software are not covered in the warranty.

In a recent interview, Mock Turtleneck cackled at the idea of being threatened by such programs. "It's a cat-and-mouse game," the High Priest of A said. "We have a lot of really good cats."

Apple Sounds Warning on iPhones [WSJ]

Steve Jobs has been subpoenaed by the SEC to be deposed in a backdating case against Apple's former general counsel, Nancy Heinen. Though the news sent shares of the fruit down 1 percent, with a $140.31 close (-0.33%), investors should rest assured that while Heinen may fry, this doesn't mean jack for the company or Steve.* Why? Because, in SJ's words, "Fuck you, that's why, I'm Steve Jobs. Death to the right click. Buy an iPod. Or don't. I could really care less either way. It's your funeral."

Jobs subpoenaed over Apple stock scandal [The Guardian]

*Who backdating specialist Al Gore cleared of any wrongdoing earlier in the year.

Or spend on babes, or light on fire--JUST 'CAUSE HE CAN.

Breaking: Apple Offering $100 Store Credit For All iPhone Owners [Gizmodo]

The rumors that today Apple would introduce a redesigned iPod featuring no buttons, knobs or screens of any kind, instead employing newly-patented mind-reading technology for functionality; produce a force-field causing all Zune products within a 200-foot radius to immolate, rendering them as useful as they are in non-burned-to-a-crisp state; and come with videos personally damning to Microsoft founder Bill Gates, preloaded did not pan out, and for that Jobs-y Boy is paying dearly. Sure, we got a custom ring-tone maker; slashed prices on the iPhone; a 2.5 inch screen video Nano in red, silver, blue, green and black; a new name for the iPod: iPod Classic; 160 gigs (that's 40,000 songs, 20 more than there are in existence); a touch screen; Wi-Fi; and Safari / GOOG / YHOO browser (basically: an iPhone without the Phone), but it wasn't enough--shares are down 3.5%.

Are we asking too much? All the news was good news (except for the price cut on iPhones. That announcement was not good and by not good we mean "bad," for those of you--Cliff Mason--who spent $599 for your iPhone on June 29 instead of $399 this weekend, and for AAPL investors, despite SJ's spin of, "it's so popular we want more people to afford it!" Just like houses. Little subprime humor? That's okay, I'll let myself out) but it wasn't the kind of huge gains/NO RIGHT CLICK BUTTON ON YOUR MOUSE news we've come to expect from Senor Jobs. He did, however, change the color of his mock, swapping brown for black, and perhaps that'll be enough to get things up by the end of the day.

Apropos of AAPL, it was also announced today that Apple will have a wireless music deal with Starbucks, which can only mean this thing is about to drop like a bag of dirt.

Apple iPod Special Event: The Live Blog [CNBC]
Apple announces new iPod nano [engadget]
Apple's new iPod Classic [engagdet]

So tomorrow Apple will hold a special event in San Francisco called "And the Beat Goes On," presumably to make some sort of an announcement about iPods that could raise shares to the sort of levels that would allow Mock Turtleneck to continue to enjoy the sartorial lifestyle he and his cervical spine have grown accustomed to, for many years to come. The most pervasive rumor-on which shares of AAPL have risen 18.8%-is a new line "with significantly greater functionality at current price points, including the much-anticipated full-screen video iPod," according to Goldman Sachs analyst David Bailey. And that would be good, considering that in the middle of last year, Apple's iPod sales dropped for the first time since the slightly more compact Disc Man debuted in 2002, a failure largely blamed on a dearth of new versions.

But what, exactly does Jobs possibly have up his sleeve? There's talk of the new 'Pods running on OS X; a Wi-Fi-enabled iPod that would allow for wireless music and video; and the introduction of the Beatles to iTunes. If you work for JP Morgan, you probably also think that a low-cost, Nano-sized iPhone is on the horizon. Then there are the fringe rumors that the new iPod will: feature no buttons, knobs or screens of any kind, instead employing newly-patented mind-reading technology for functionality; produce a force-field causing all Zune products within a 200-foot radius to immolate, rendering them as useful as they are in non-burned-to-a-crisp state; and come with videos personally damning to Microsoft founder Bill Gates, preloaded.

And, of course, the name of the invite-only conference seems to indicate that a reception will follow featuring group sex led by Sonny (surprise! SJ is a necrophiliac) and Cher, while the video for "The Beat Goes On" plays on an 80 GB iPod plugged into speakers nearby. Stay tuned.

Apple's 'Beat' To Go On Tomorrow (Be Here!) [CNBC]
Apple likely to introduce new iPod with large touch screen [Times Online]

Due to "quality issues," Microsoft won't release Office 2007 on Macs until 2008, instead of the second half of 2007 as originally promised. By quality issues Microsoft means issues with Mac's growing market share and continued attempts to try and jumpstart Vista sales. That, or it's displaced anger over entering the portable music market and still getting teased about the Zune.

Microsoft is also holding out on the eventual price point, saying that the new Mac Office will cost somewhere between a PS3 and something else you don't want to buy.

What Microsoft doesn't realize is that it is encouraging users to make the switch to Macs. After all, the Office 2007 suite is a resource hogging, 50% prettier and 50% less functional version of its predecessor. Microsoft prepares you for this frustration right off the bat, putting the new Office in an un-openable package (pictured, and it took the DB offices at least 10 minutes and three steam powered drills to get that thing open). Empowered by the knowledge that business managers can't upgrade, users know there has never been a better time to switch to a Mac.

Mac version sales make up about a fifth of total Office sales, up from about 4% in 2001.

Microsoft assures us that one visit to the Genius Bar in the Apple store is a quick remedy to a Mac buying impulse (wait, you're a "genius" because you live in Williamsburg and can't fix my computer?). Personally, we're still waiting for Apple to invent the right-click on their mice.

Microsoft Delays Office for Mac Release [amNewYork]

Apple reported a 92 cent/share profit for its fiscal third quarter, easily beating the Street’s forecast of 72. AAPL also surpassed sales expectations of $5.285 billion to hit $5.41 billion. The company earned 54 cents/share and $4.37 billion in revenue in last year’s Q3, so this would be better. Jobs, et. al., shilled 9.815 million iPods (a 21% increase) and 1.764 million computers (a 33% percent increase), but a mere 146,000 iPhones, a number that meant basically nothing for earnings but scared investors into knocking shares of Apple down 6%.

In other AAPL news, Steve Jobs, was profiled this morning in a WSJ article about Mock Turtleneck’s “decades-long campaign against buttons.” This is not a joke. A caption for an accompanying video reads: “A look at Steve Jobs's history of antibutton ideology.”

Apple Profit Easily Beats Estimates On Mac, iPod Sales [CNBC]
Hide the Button: Steve Jobs Has His Finger on It [WSJ]
Apple Profit May Rise; Analysts See IPhone Slowdown [Bloomberg]
Finally, Apple's iPhone Lowdown [thestreet.com]
Apple Calls Trade Heavily Ahead of Report [WSJ]

Apple’s earning report won’t be out ‘til Wednesday, but thanks to AT&T’s, we now know the iPhone’s first 30 hours in existence were an iFailure. The wireless carrier reported 146,000 activations during the mobile’s first weekend on sale, meaning the iPod/cell phone combo didn’t come close to Piper Jaffray’s expectation of 500,000. PJ analyst Gene Munster he was “disappointed” by the news, which is so much worse than if he'd said he was mad.

CIBC reported a “significant” decline in babe mags over the last ten days. They also anticipate a new version of the 3G to be released in the US in November, earlier than previously expected. That could mean the people Jobs ‘n Co. are banking on buying a phone today will stop, remember that buying first generation Apple products is more risky than unprotected sex with a Port Authority local, put off their purchases ‘til the new version is released, and stall sales even further.

Shares of Apple are down -2.73% ($3.95). In other news, people buy Apple products at the Apple store.

Apple's iPhone Falls Well Below Expectations [CNBC]

In the latest video from TheStreet.Com TV, James "Uncle Jumbo" Cramer defends his alleged nephew Cliff Mason's review of the iPhone. Uncle Jumbo explains that all the talk of the phone being a "babe magnet" was really just Cliff's way of explaining the buzz around the phone that is driving sales and Apple's stock price.

We were trying to decide what we thought of this rationale so we went back to Cliff's original video, in which he shows the phone to the fetching host of the program, Farnoosh Torabi. "Can I touch it?" she asks. And yes, of course Cliff lets Farnoosh touch it. Who wouldn't?

Uhm, what were we talking about. Oh, right. The Cliff Mason-iPhone Incident. We think maybe Cliff was telling us about the buzz using some of the lingo of these crazy kids. But then again, maybe he just meant that it's a babe magnet. After all, one of the first text messages we ever got from an iPhone read: "Chicks dig it.

The Cliff Mason-iPhone Incident made Page Six headlines on Sunday. "Mason, in a streaming-video feed, says he bought the gizmo because he 'wasn't doing anything at the time' and had 'money to burn,'" Page Six explains. "It was worth it because he was soon surrounded by curious women. Asked by thestreet.com's Farnoosh Torabi about the required iPhone switch from Verizon to AT&T, Mason shrugged and said his dad paid the bills."

[Editor's Note: we're extinguishing the comments option for this post because getting raked over the coals by both Bess Levin and Page Six in the course of just a couple of days is enough punishment for anyone. No need to pile it on any further.]

Correction: The purchase of an iPhone did not land Cliff Mason, Jim Cramer's nephew, his first date. It just got the ladies on the street (dot com) to stand up and take notice when he whipped it out (are you picking up what we're throwing down? Does anyone else think DealBreaker should close at noon on summer Fridays? For everyone's sake?). Whipping out his iPhone was much more effective in getting the opposite sex to say "I'd like a piece of that young-looking James Cramer" than Cliff's BlackBerry was (hint: don't wear it in a holster, toots). For instance, in line at J.Crew:

Picture this: I'm just standing in line [at the J.Crew near my apartment], answering some email, when the fetching cashier who's ringing me up begs to "see" my iPhone and then asks me half a dozen questions about how I like it.

As soon as she gets her hands on the thing, the cashier next to her catches sight of it and flashes me a look of what I can only describe as sheer ecstasy before asking if she, too, can take a look. When the two women on either side of me and the one in line behind me realized there was an iPhone owner in their midst, they reacted like I was one of the Beatles, circa 1964.

Like a Backstreet Boy circa 1996. Like a member of N'Sync circa 1997. But we digress. Now tell us about the waitress at BLT Burger:

I had a similar experience when I went to BLT Burger, which I cannot recommend too highly, and my waitress couldn't take her eyes off of it. Sadly, my girlfriend was with me, so I couldn't empirically test the full extent of the iPhone's magnetic capabilities.

On another note, we'd like to offer Cliff an apology. Not because we called out the lack of disclosure about him being Cramer's nephew, or for calling attention to his own admission of the fact that his father pays his Verizon bill, but because he will now apparently be forced to call Cramer 'Uncle Jimbo,' in the biblical sense. For the rest of you, take this as a warning: you disclose or you get the hose.

An iPhone: The Best $600 You'll Ever Waste [thestreet.com]

The Street spells it out in simple chapter and verse today: scoring tail is our bottom line, and you can do this, via the iPhone. Who did they enlist to test out this theory? Why it's "Street Dot Com Staff Writer" Cliff Mason, who they don't tell you is also Jim Cramer's nephew. It wasn't that nepotism is the name of the game at TS.com, but that Cliff was quite obviously the perfect candidate to prove that no matter how seemingly dorky, inept vis-à-vis the ladies (the exchanges with Farnoosh Torabi, "Street.com correspondent" are particularly revealing) and Cramer-brand smug you are, with the iPhone in hand, you will attract the opposite sex, no questions asked.

Other reasons Cliff bought the mobile? Well, first of all, he "wasn't doing anything" at the time and he "has money to burn," which is why he "really didn't think about it too much." What about switching plans, did that pose any problems or headaches? Nah. Cliff was on Verizon but he really didn't think twice about switching over to an AT&T contract. His dad, Mr. Mason one presumes, is still paying for the Verizon one.

The iPhone Equals Babe Magnet [Thestreet.com]

We're not half as bad as JPMorgan's equity research team, who almost single-handedly perpetuated the bogus iPhone nano rumors. Here's how it went down, from Business 2.0:

It started Monday afternoon when Reuters picked up a report from a Taiwan-based analyst for JP Morgan named Kevin Chang. Chang had come across a patent application Apple filed last November 1 for a phone with an iPod-like clickwheel, put it together with some information he had gleaned from unnamed sources in Apple's supply channel and issued a report to JP Morgan subscribers dated Sunday, July 8, predicting that Apple would release a low-cost, Nano-sized iPhone before the end of the year and might ultimately sell 30 to 40 million of them.

JPMorgan released a subsequent report telling investors to ignore those wacky reports from Taiwan, then released another response that the firm sticks by the fact that a lower cost iPhone will be released later in the year (pulling a classic obfuscatory, "see, we were really saying something you didn't think we were saying, despite the fact that we said something else...cough...these aren't the droids you're looking for").

According to the rumor mill, Chang got fired over the incident.

Also, the iPhone can be turned to ash by some freaking adamantium blender (my blender, on the other hand, has trouble making Homestyle OJ less pulpy). (Courtesy of Will It Blend?, via Valleywag)

The iPhone Nano Saga [Apple 2.0 via Business 2.0 via BoingBoing via Your Mom]

Bonus post for those of you still stuck in the office! I was left behind here as the rest of the DealBreaker team left for the beach.

You may have noticed others here at DealBreaker hinting toward my iPhone coverage around launch time at the end of last week in a couple different posts, and now I present to you what resulted.

The lines outside the Apple stores at the Fifth Avenue and SoHo stores slowly grew from Monday onward and I made sure to be right there to document the madness history-making launch. As you all know, Greg Packer, dubbed the iLoser, a compulsive line-sitter, was at the forefront at the Fifth Avenue Apple store. He even has his own blog now. Second in line was David Clayman (his blog here) who, after changing his story a couple times, decided he was buying the phone for charity.

Over at the SoHo store first in line was the "Keep A Child Alive" foundation who is auctioning the Jesus Phone iPhone off in a package on eBay now. They of course wanted to wait at the flagship Fifth Ave. store but since Greg beat them to the punch, they decided to mope at the SoHo store instead. After talking to them on numerous visits to the store (close to the office, conveniently), I found out they had five people in line (working shifts of only 4 hours) and each was buying two 8GB phones, but one wonders if the other nine have vanished into their pockets since only one is up on eBay now.

Filming the entire event live was Mogulus.com at the special website iPhoneLaunch.tv. They interviewed me briefly as I scouted the location and aired it live on the site (unfortunately not archived for my self-referential enjoyment). Supposedly on launch day they had four cameras out and about filming the event, but their site couldn't handle all the traffic (max 800 viewers?!), so I can't verify.

Through downpours and sweltering heat, hundreds of people camped out for this revolutionary (Jobs's words, not mine) device for many days and I was forced sure to cover it all. On launch day I visited both stores but stuck to the Fifth Ave. store (which had unreal amounts of press) for coverage of the opening at 6PM. After the jump are two slideshows of my attempts at photojournalism, the first one of the Fifth Ave. store and the second of the SoHo store.

The best iPhone review I have read (which says the Mail app is terrible) for those of you who still haven't gotten your hands on one of these can be found here.

Round of applause for Apple, which not only "Think[s] different" by marking up its product 55% but also strips (some) iPhone purchasers of the one constant thing in their lives, their cell number. Yes, Yale anthropology doctoral candidate Allison Alexy stood in line for hours on Friday, bought the iBomb and then found out she couldn't transfer her Sprint number to AT&T, a minor problem, given Apple's exclusive contract with the carrier. She received a message from the fruit that her number wasn't elgible for transferring but didn't get into the how's and why's.

Her boyfriend, a lawyer, got on the computer and looked into the problem for 30--count 'em, 30--minutes and found out that "wireless numbers can only be transferred from one wireless carrier to another within the same metro area." Wanting to avoid a "hassle," Alexy sucked it up and switched numbers. The long term affects of this event are unclear at this time.

Apple spokeswoman Natalie Kerris commented that "There are a small percentage of iPhone customers who've had a less-than-perfect [activation] experience." But it doesn't really matter either way, because the entire premise of this phone is based on Jobs's supposition that "people will sacrifice a lot-- $499-599, their old numbers, their pride, etc, to be card carrying members of the shit-eating grin club." So there you have it.

Some Users Of iPhone Lose Their Numbers [WSJ]

One of our first thoughts when the iPhone was announced was, "Have U.S. gadget makers learned nothing from the PS3?" You would think companies would get a hint (hint: the average American consumer gets priced out of the gadget market at around $500), or at least avoid Sony's PS3 price point blunder for karma reasons.

Then we heard that Apple ominously copied the PS3's stellar price point strategy with a $499 iPhone and a $599 model with a bigger hard drive, all before signing your soul over to AT&T. That's it, Steve Jobs jumped the shark, or had some vestigial impulse left over from when he was charging $4,000 for high-end PowerBooks and not considered the iJesus of tech. Remember, Apple was copying the same price poinit strategy that in one product generation singularly relinquished dominance of the home console market.

One teenie difference that sets Apple apart from Sony in this case is that Apple is unloading the iPhone at double production cost. The more expensive iPhone costs $266 to make, with 13 components spread across 9 manufacturers. Samsung provides 3 chips and accounts for 31% of component costs.

The PS3 is a different story with an initial production cost between $800-$850 depending on the hard drive. That means that Sony takes at least a $250 hit per unit. The Wii, on the other hand (is fun?), you can grab for $200 in Japan, and Nintendo turns a per console profit.

The iPhone is selling well and has had a successful opening weekend. Analysts have opening weekend iPhone sales pegged somewhere between 500k-700k units, beating the 200k estimate some predicted. Apple will sell 4.5 million units by year's end and a bajillion (30 million) units by 2011, according to ISuppli estimates (you know it's unbiased because the "I" is capitalized in a totally Apple agnostic way). That's certainly impressive for a new product, but the iPhone is an expensive new product that had an unprecedented marketing push and is trying to break into a completely new market. And it's not clear that the iPhone is a desired substitute for the 100+ million iPods out there. That's why Apple needs to slash prices significantly (which many analysts are expecting fairly soon).

To put things into a mobile telecommunications market perspective, Nokia shipped 91 million units in the first quarter. In order to penetrate the cell phone market in any meaningful way or provide a more digestible iPod replacement for when your Mini breaks, Apple will have to get used to thinner margins (and probably thinner than the 40%+ made on most iPod models).

Pricing items at approximately double production costs seems to be the Apple benchmark for new product launches. The video iPod, for instance, cost $150 to make and started retailing for $299.

Apple's IPhone Sells for Double Costs, ISuppli Says [Bloomberg]

Wouldn't it suck if you paid $50,000 for a cell phone/iPod combo and then couldn't activate it? Perhaps we should ask the 2% of iPhone purchases who suffered such a fate, which, according to estimates by Steve Jobs, translates to roughly 1 billion people.

Jay Gurfein bought his mobile Friday night at an Apple store in Nassau County (...). As of Sunday afternoon, he hadn't been able to use the device. And just to make things interesting, when the Jay-man-LI initially tried to activate his service, AT&T immediately ended service on his existing BlackBerry, leaving him alone in the world for "more than 45 hours.". By late Sunday night, AT&T, having had a spark lit under its ass by iGod himself, had gotten Gurfein's phone on and given him a $150 credit for ruining his life.

In Louisiana, pretty much the same deal happened to Jaci Russo, except she also dropped two calls. In Murray Hill, one disgruntled user reported his iPhone's failure to get him laid, even after whipping it out Joshua Tree and asking several female patrons if they'd like to touch it. Steve Jobs--sleep with one eye open.

Some iPhones Are Stuck on Hold [WSJ]