Dealbreaker

Write-Offs: 11.20.09

2009-11-20T22:22:08Z

$$$ Morgan Stanley's $9,000,000,000.00 Check. [Andrew Ross Sorkin]

$$$ The Media Is Wrong About Goldman Sachs, AIG [The Atlantic]

$$$ Steel Wins Dismissal Of Icahn Bid To Block Restructuring [FINalternatives]

$$$ Felix Salmon and Henry Blodget Have a Fight, Make Up [Daily Intel]

Goldman Employees To Take Out The Trash

2009-11-20T21:52:48Z

Alright people. This is it. If the sight of Goldman Sachs employees voluntarily handling garbage doesn't stop the hate, they're going to have to go to DEFCON 1: blow job booth, manned by Blankfein.

The Salvation Army plans to serve 10,000 free dinners across the city this Thanksgiving -- meals planned by a star chef, cooked by one of New York's ritziest caterers and cleaned up by employees of one of Wall Street's most vilified financial firms. The number of meals is 10 times as many as last year and come at a time when more and more Americans are struggling to put food on the table.
Three hundred employees of Goldman Sachs Group Inc., Wall Street's richest firm, have volunteered for the holiday feast and will be tasked with taking out the garbage.

]]> "Goldman wants their volunteers to sweat," joked chef Marc Spooner, who at 6-foot-6 towered above a recent tasting session for the meal at Great Performances' kitchens in the SoHo neighborhood.

Goldman Sachs To Take Out The Garbage At Thanksgiving [AP via Cityfile]

Paris Hilton And Traders4Kids

2009-11-20T21:45:52Z

Partying it up at the Palm's Hugh Hefner Sky Villa with ex-Tudor Jones trader Mark Fisher didn't take away from Dr. J's ability to make $15,000 in three hours, for a program that teaches disadvantage kids to someday have trading prowess like The King. If you missed the chance to donate some of your gains on drug stocks ($MRK or $PFE) today, no worries, there's still time to help create the next mini-me Fast Money crew here.

And if for some reason if you still need more motivation to give (around $26k has been donated so far but we're counting on you to make it more)- we're told Paris Hilton is stopping by the event's after-party and will sign any part of your body if you give. For those not currently in Vegas, Dr J will take the Paris body signature in your name and send you a photo.

*Checks can made to: Trader4Kids and sent to: 175 West Jackson Blvd, suite 200 Chicago, IL 60604

John Goff Is Pinching Himself

2009-11-20T21:31:59Z

To: Morgan Stanley
From: John Goff
RE: Thanks a billion

OK, OK, thanks $951 million. It was really great to have you take this albatross off my hands a couple of years ago. The timing could not have been better for me. And now, after your outstanding stewardship, I'm pleased to retake the helm at Crescent Real Estate Equities Co. now. Two-and-a-half years sitting by the pool, counting ~~your~~ my $6.5 billion is enough.

My new partners at Barclays want to thank you as well. They've proven pretty savvy over the last couple of years, but even they couldn't have imagined how well this would turn out for them. After all, they lent you $2 billion to buy a disaster. They never would have guessed they'd get to take over such a valuable real-estate portfolio just as the market begins to turn around.

]]> Sweet as it was to get out at exactly the right time, it's even sweeter to get back in at the right time at someone else's expense.

I can't say enough how much I look forward to doing business with you again.

All the best (for me)-
Johnny

Morgan Stanley Gives Up Crescent Properties to Lender Barclays [WSJ]

Break Yourself Off A Piece Of Pre-Thanksgiving Shia LaBeouf

2009-11-20T21:15:47Z

So I was getting a haircut after lunch today (York Barbershop, 71st and Lex), and Oliver Stone & co. walked in to inspect the place. According to my barber, they're shooting MNS there, presumably all day, on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. However, I overheard murmurs that it might be too cramped, in which case the Waldorf barbershop would be a contender. No word on how this affects Shia's helmet hair.

Dick Bové: Bank Of America Should Beg Ken Lewis To Stay

2009-11-20T19:40:33Z

Things have been pretty dark for Dick Bové ever since her man, the "brilliant" Ken Lewis was essentially forced out of his job. Other analysts, the colder, unfeeling ones probably wouldn't have taken it so personally, but Lewis is Bové's guy and she can't help it, this hurts, bad (also, she's just always been a sensitive and highly strung person). Sorry if that's too much for you to handle but Ken Lewis meant a lot* to the Rochdale rising star. It felt good and empowering to lose it in a tear-stained note to clients, in which she put the words "No other banker in this country can equal Mr Lewis's achievements and yet every banker wishes s/he could" out there but it didn't change anyone's mind and she's just felt completely helpless for almost two months now. She knows she should be strong for KL but she just can't. She's lost weight, she's gained weight, she's gone on booze-fueled sex rampages wherein she'll fuck the first thing in her line of vision, in an attempt to silence the pain but nothing's helped.

This morning when she woke up underneath a pile of empty pints of Ben and Jerry's after crying herself to sleep, she couldn't even summon the strength to get out of bed. But then, something happened. In the other room, she heard Charlie Gasparino's voice on CNBC, which she'd left on the night before. Lewis's name was mentioned and, at first, figuring CG was just going to be talking shit about her man, Bové pulled the covers over her head. Then Chaz started saying something about how the board still hasn't found a replacement and Divé shot out of bed. She ran into the other room wearing only the oversized tee-shirt bearing Lewis's face she'd had made a few years ago. Biting her nails in fear that her ears were playing tricks on her, Mrs. Lewis (someday?) rewound the DVR. It was true! BAC still hasn't come up with an ideal candidate willing to take the job. Feeling like her old self for the first time in a long time, she sat down to write. And write she did.

"Mr. Lewis was a key architect in the creation and management of Bank of America. He knows this company better than anyone else and he knows how to operate it," Bove wrote in a research note issued early Friday morning. "At this point in the company's history, this is the type of leader needed. Convincing him to return would be the biggest morale builder that management could get."

]]> Of course, it's not going to be easy, Dick conceded. Ken Lewis is a fucking catch any bank with its head screwed on straight would know it would be lucky to have and after the way you pigs treated him? Let's just say you've got your work cut out for you. It won't be unlike the time Lewis and Bové got into a huge fight over the fact that the analyst saw a couple of flirtatious texts on KL's phone with another woman, and flew off the handle demanding to know "who the whore is." Bové really thought he was going to leave that time for good but she was able to summon some real tears and after threatening to kill herself, got Lewis to stay. So something along those lines would probably work, with option B being to "accidentally" get pregnant (something Divé's also done). Bottom line, you do whatever it takes. No one at Bank of America wants to wake up in two months or two years time and realize they made the biggest mistake of their lives when they let Ken Lewis walk out that door.

*More than you'll ever know.

Bank Of America Board To Lock Themselves In A Room Sunday Night And Not Come Out 'Til They Come Up With Someone Willing To Take Over For Ken Lewis, Maybe

2009-11-20T18:19:57Z

Charlie Gasparino reports that the Bank of America board "really, really" wants to finally pick someone to take the job of boozing it up at happy hour and then returning to the office and saying "How 'bout we do Merrill this time? That'll be fun." According to Gasparino, BAC is in a rush to get it done because they're "sick of all the controversy surrounding the selection" and also maybe perhaps because Ken Lewis is out of there in like 5 weeks, so it would be nice if they could figure this out before then. A source of Chaz claims they're going to try and do so this Sunday, though given that the board still pretty much as no idea who they want (or who's desperate enough to take the gig) it will likely be a long night. For reasons lost on us, they're still yet to get in touch with John Thain, who remains ready and willing.

Someone Else Thinks Ratings Agencies Do A Pretty Piss-Poor Job

2009-11-20T18:02:16Z

Somebody is finally doing something about those corrupt, self-serving companies that we all rely on to tell us just how risky this stupid bond is. Ohio is suing the ratings agencies.

With the Feds spitting the bit on regulating an industry that never saw a mortgage-backed security or collateralized debt obligation it didn't want to give a triple-A rating and that showed the most remarkable propensity for figuring things out right after the credit markets imploded, Richard Cordray, attorney general of the Buckeye State, is following the Andy Cuomo's lead and attacking Fitch Ratings, Moody's Investors Service and Standard & Poor's.

]]> But where the N.Y.A.G. struck a deal, agreeing to end his probe if the agencies changed the way they made money from their MBS ratings, Cordray is suing, alleging that the all-powerful trio publishes "false and misleading ratings."

Specifically, Cordray, like Cuomo, is pissed about its MBS ratings, which he says cost five state pension plans more than $457 million. Of course, Ohio's pension plans aren't exactly a model of propriety, which should make for some entertaining "You're incompetent," "No, you're incompetent" exchanges on the stand should this mess ever reach a courtroom. Which is doubtful. Because there's nothing the all-mighty ratings agency likes less than having its integrity--yes, it still thinks it has some--called into question.

Ohio attorney general sues rating agencies [Reuters]

Steve On Steve: The Most Magical Night Of ALL TIME

2009-11-20T17:40:20Z

A few weeks ago I told you to mark your calendars for the social event of the year. At the time I said it was the SAC Capital Giant Balloon Inflation Party. I lied. The balloon blowing is still going on (this Saturday in fact) but it is not the extravaganza you need to drop all previously made plans for. Do you know what's going to happen on December 8th? I don't think you do otherwise you'd be working yourselves into a frenzy along with me. I'm not even sure you're fully prepared for what I'm about to lay on your asses and you probably never will be so I'm just going to say it now: STEVE COHEN MAGIC NIGHT. And when I say "STEVE COHEN MAGIC NIGHT" I mean it in two ways. First, Steve Cohen, the magician. Second, Steve Cohen, the man who makes the world a more magical place by simply existing. That's right--doubly penetrated by magical SC's.

]]> I'm not sure why you would need details further than that but here's the deal: there's a famous magician named Steve Cohen who performs at the Waldorf. On December 8th he's doing a charity show for hunger organized by the Inside Sports and Entertainment Group sponsored by our Steve, who will be in the audience and, fingers-crossed, acting as an assistant. I went to one of these shows a few weeks ago and it was awesome but that's not the point. If you need a reason to attend an event where there will be TWO STEVE COHENS IN THE SAME ROOM, one of them pulling rabbits out of hats, the other riding in on a Zamboni, you need to reevaluate your life. Tickets can be purchased here. There are 80 (now 78) seats available. I suggest you get on this ASAP.

Could It Be... An IPO Announcement?

2009-11-20T16:50:01Z

Hot on the heels of the first mortgage-backed securities deal in several decades, the initial public offering market has begun to stir after its period of economic crisis-induced dormancy.

First to the post is British asset manager Gartmore Group, which said it will list on the London Stock Exchange next month. The reported £500 million stock sale will be used to cut debt, but also to allow its private equity masters, Hellman & Friedman, to finally earn a damned profit three-and-a-half years after financing Gartmore's management buyout.

]]> The Journal says the Gartmore deal is the first of "a widely expected wave of initial public offerings of businesses owned by private-equity companies." Won't that be fun? Frankly, we've missed the excited announcements, ridiculous hype and hoopla, breathless waiting and inevitable disappoint that characterizes the best IPOs. It'll be good to have them back.

Of course, our enthusiasm is sadly tempered by the failure of one of the six IPOs planned for this very week. HealthPort Inc., a medical-record management company, failed to price on Wednesday, leading the company to postpone its coming-out party.

Fund Manager Gartmore Plans IPO [WSJ]
HealthPort IPO Postponed Due to Market Conditions [WSJ]

South Korea Wants Your Money, Brazil Less So

2009-11-20T16:06:22Z

Naked short-selling has been blamed for many a market evil in recent years. Not so much any good.

Well, here's one in the controversial practice's corner: South Korea may allow institutional investors to short-sell bonds in an effort to boost liquidity in its nascent fixed-income market. Now, it isn't the short-selling, per se, that will boost liquidity, but the move could win Seoul a coveted place in Citigroup's World Government Bond Index. And then, just try to keep the money from rolling in.

]]> Brazil is. They absolutely do not want your money down there. So they're gonna tax American depositary receipts of Brazilian companies, trying to keep dollars up here and the real trading nice and low against the greenback.

The 1.5% tax on ADRs went into effect yesterday. It follows a 2% tax on foreign investments the country imposed last month. Next year, the country plans to begin putting to death anyone who utters the acronym "BRIC."

Seoul to allow naked short selling of bonds [FT]
Brazil Hits Its ADRs With Levy In Fresh Bid To Tame Real [WSJ]

Charlie Gasparino Is Ready For A Book Talk Brawl

2009-11-20T16:00:52Z

If you're coming to New Canaan, CT on Sunday to hear Charlie Gasparino discuss The Sellout you might need to bring your boxing gloves.

The other day on Chicago-based radio show StocksandJocks, co-hosted by CNBC contributor Dr. J Najarian, a listener asked Gas-Bag if he was ready to handle a confrontational room of ex-Bear and Lehman traders who might want to throw down fisticuffs. Considering many of these guys are still unemployed, stuck with McMansion mortgages, and with ample time on their hands - we thought that was a valid concern. (Sam Molinaro, former Bear Stearns CFO, is a New Canaan resident.)

The show's other host Tom 'the Chief' Haugh asked Chaz, "Are you ready for a scene or a verbal confrontation? How do you think Cannanists will receive you?"

Gasparino responded, "Well you know, they can do whatever they want. What, you don't think I've never had a personal confrontation from peeps on Wall Street? For some reason personal confrontations don't scare me that much...you know.. I know how to handle myself."

"I'm not a punching bag I don't take their [shit]. I remind them it was their company's management that screwed up and I just reported it. I didn't engage in your risk taking practices. If you think I have anything to do with your implosion then you're nuts," Gasparino. said.

]]> Chaz also added that anyone offering to buy him a drink after the talk will be out of luck. "I tell them, 'No thanks, I don't accept beers from people like you'."

New Canaan library event manger, Cynde Lahey, says they are expecting the Gasparino event to hit their overflow limit-they can only fit 250 in the room- so if you plan to give Chaz a piece of your mind, get there early.

Photo-Credit: Fast Money

Got A Signing Bonus From Lehman Brothers? Yeah We're Gonna Need That Back

2009-11-20T15:32:00Z

Were you a member of an elite group of individuals taken before their time known as the Lehman Brothers associate class of 2008? Were you robbed of the chance to toil under the Gorilla for more than a few weeks because oops the firm went out of business? (And speaking of that: do you blame yourself? Dick Fuld certainly does.) Those $40k signing bonuses you got and probably already spent are going to need to be paid back, ASAP.

The requests are allegedly coming from PricewaterhouseCoopers, which is administering Lehman's estate in the UK. "More than 60% of my class received this letter around two weeks ago," says one former Lehman associate. "We're seeking legal opinions on whether we have to pay it back."

]]> Elaine Aarons, a partners who acts for senior executives at law firm Withers, says PWC might be able to extract the money from the unfortunate associates if the contracts were worded so that the loans were repayable if they simply weren't in employment with Lehman 12 months on.

"Whilst it may seem unreasonable on a common sense basis to have to repay something that you've probably already spent when you have done nothing wrong, it's not impossible that on a strict reading of the contract events have triggered the conditions in which a repayment would occur."

Former Lehman associates allegedly being asked to repay $40k [eFC via BI]

Happy Birthday, Meredith Whitney!

2009-11-20T15:00:02Z

The Dollar Dominatrix turns the big 4-0 today. Apparently there's going to be a big bash at the MDubs Advisory Group later today set to include---spoiler alert-- a Vikram-shaped piñata. In the meantime, let's put our heads together and come up with a gift from DB. What do you get for the Dom who has everything? If you were going to say cat o' nine tails, that's out-- Lloyd's already called dibs.

Opening Bell: 11.20.09

2009-11-20T13:10:37Z

Goldman Holders Miffed At Bonuses (WSJ)
Squid on Squid violence: "Some of the largest shareholders in Goldman Sachs have urged the Wall Street firm to reduce the size of its bonus pool, arguing that it should pass along more of its blockbuster earnings to investors, according to people familiar with the situation. Some major Goldman shareholders also are concerned about a little-noticed change in the company's financial statements that increased the firm's total head count by adding temporary employees and consultants. The change reduced per-employee compensation, making it look like Goldman employees earn less than they actually do."

Harvard Poker Pro Says Texas Hold 'Em Can Teach Traders to Fold (Bloomberg)
"Someone who has made a successful living as a poker player for a few years would more likely be a good trader than someone who hasn't," said Aaron Brown, a 53-year-old former poker pro who is now a risk manager at AQR.

Lampert's Sears Narrows Its Loss as Gap's Profit Increases 25% (NYT)
This calls for a pizza party, on Eddie.

SEC Told to Improve Ways It Chooses Probe Targets (AP)
A report released by the office of Inspector General David Kotz proposes new requirements that the SEC's inspections office examine databases and documents related to investment advisers that may be inspected.

GM's Chairman Seeks Focus on Quality (WSJ)
Edward Whitacre wants to know why people think GM cars suck.

Oregon Democrat DeFazio Calls for Geithner's Resignation (Real Time Economics)
"I just do not feel that his orientation is other than Wall Street, and has not been other than Wall Street, and will not be other than Wall Street. And quite frankly all the gambling on Wall Street is doing nothing to put people back to work in America and rebuild our economy."