Even better:
...the agency will further expose the increasingly self-evident fact...
Perhaps, if the country's financial institutions could temporarily suspend business practices made possible only by flagrant conflicts of interest which they unconvincingly and unapologetically defend with double talk, dubious half-truths, and circular logic then SEC staffers could go back to literally jerking themselves off.
@ 68 FTW
Working 100+ hours a week to afford the shoebox apartment you share with 3 other dudes that also "slam" Red Bulls (and on occassion each other) when not "icing" the "bros" and ripping on an ambitious young man's resume is the new killing it.
- Guy that didn't go to Harvard and very likely will not be going to prison (oops, forgot they've got an ethics oath for MBA students so that's no longer an issue).
Name ten funds still in existence that have beat the S&P 500, net of fees, for continuous 5-year period in the past ten years.
Should I ever incur a severe head injury (with requisite brain damage) and find myself unemployed with an insatiable urge to literally jerk off in an office environment during regular business hours (perhaps it's the thrill of possibly getting caught), it's reassuring to know that an ever increasing armada of government regulators stand ready to hire me (at least so long as BEP's printing presses don't break).
@6
Government workers are not paid with dollars raised from taxes, they're paid with freshly printed dollars or dollars borrowed from China (neither of which count if my economic advisers are to be believed). Behold the beauty of a fiat currency. Otherwise, if the government were forced to constrain it's spending to even a multiple of tax dollars, then the federal government wouldn't be able to sustain its role as employer of last resort for the less fortunate among us (e.g. everyone at the SEC, Congress, et al). That said, I guess it is somewhat discouraging that federal government is also this country's largest employer.
@12
You make a good point. The obvious solution to the problems you've noted is more regulation. If you're implying we should create several new regulatory bureaucracies (staffed with thousands of America's worst and worthless - thereby reducing the unemployment rate) to oversee the existing regulators, I think you'll be pleased to see what I've got in the works.
Keep hoping for (spare) change,
Barry O.
Remember that time that you and the gang made friendship bracelets as part of a business assignment back at Bay Side High. Then when tensions flared, Jessie, Kelly and Slater broke off to form a rival business - Buddy Bands?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nHMth6Ut0s&NR=1
Those were the days.
"The SEC is also going utilize more technology under my lead - and not just for the consumption of internet porn! In fact, I'm pleased to announce the agency has just placed an order for several dozen C64 machines from Commodore International. When recievied, use of these little powerhouses will be reserved only for official government business."
Mary Schapiro
@11 - Fine work
@9 - From newsblaze: "All you get is hype-feeding-hope, and criminals know people live on hope and exploit that hope with spin and lies."
I don't like you - Barry O.
An Ernst & Young spokesperson inadvertently released this draft statement:
Ernst & Young is committed to quality in everything we do. With that in mind, let’s look at the facts. Lehman was a prestigious client. Inside the firm we call such clients “global priority accounts”. Outside the firm, we work such client’s names, and our relationships with them, into conversations with prospective clients as part of a poorly-veiled strategy designed to impress these prospective clients with our reputation and presumed prestige. Such name-dropping, in concert with nonstop shameless self-promotion and the Securities Acts of 1933 and 1934 constitute the three pillars of our go-to-market strategy.
As a client, Lehman was not only prestigious but also very profitable. Between audit fees and other various engagements we’ve received hundreds of millions of dollars from this client. We can’t seriously be expected to bite the hand that feeds us can we? Besides we already went through all the hoops of making sure that no individual staffed on the engagement had a direct financial interest in the client. As for the firm’s direct financial interest in the client, that remains totally legal.
Furthermore, Ernst & Young would also like to point out the preposterous nature of expecting a bunch of $70K per year junior staffers that are working until midnight to prevail over $700K per year bankers working into the wee hours of the morning. If any capital market participants genuinely relied on the audit report, then they were probably not sophisticated enough to have been investing in investment banks. Viewed from that perspective, such losses were very likely inevitable. At the same time, the firm would also like to remind capital market participants of all the good audits the firm has completed that haven’t yet blown up. Notwithstanding the firm’s involvement in the recent barrage of restatements, failed companies, and generally the past decade; Ernst & Young plays an important role in our nation’s capital markets by providing market participants with dubious and often unreliable assurance regarding the integrity of our client’s financial statements.
Ernst & Young would also like to take this opportunity to implore Congress to act by further entangling itself in this train wreck. More specifically, the firm would encourage Congress to consult with our industry in expediting a poorly-thought, reactionary, knee-jerk bill mandating all SEC registrants to comply with a new set of prohibitively-expensive, dogmatic and onerous regulations if they wish to remain listed. For its part, Ernst & Young will set about designing inane new audit programs to be executed unquestioningly by legions of spineless half-wits. As always, the firm’s partners will meekly negotiate with the client’s management in a back room somewhere regarding the audit report. As punishment for its continued failure, Ernst & Young stands ready to be saddled with millions of additional billable hours of work restoring investors’ confidence in the markets.
The government may have been moderately successful in its poor attempt to legislate the firm’s appearance of partial independence from its clients. Even so, the continued existence of our firm would suggest that that the government has yet to adequately legislate competence and ethical conduct.
Even better: ...the agency will further expose the increasingly self-evident fact... Perhaps, if the country's financial institutions could temporarily suspend business practices made possible only by flagrant conflicts of interest which they unconvincingly and unapologetically defend with double talk, dubious half-truths, and circular logic then SEC staffers could go back to literally jerking themselves off.
@ 68 FTW Working 100+ hours a week to afford the shoebox apartment you share with 3 other dudes that also "slam" Red Bulls (and on occassion each other) when not "icing" the "bros" and ripping on an ambitious young man's resume is the new killing it. - Guy that didn't go to Harvard and very likely will not be going to prison (oops, forgot they've got an ethics oath for MBA students so that's no longer an issue). Name ten funds still in existence that have beat the S&P 500, net of fees, for continuous 5-year period in the past ten years.
My favorite imaginary Matt is still Mr. Creamer for obvious reasons.
Should I ever incur a severe head injury (with requisite brain damage) and find myself unemployed with an insatiable urge to literally jerk off in an office environment during regular business hours (perhaps it's the thrill of possibly getting caught), it's reassuring to know that an ever increasing armada of government regulators stand ready to hire me (at least so long as BEP's printing presses don't break).
How irresponsible! I can't believe that they were already planning to spend money they haven't yet obtained! -Raj
Re: the question at hand...surely Chris Theoharis has been through enough humiliation. @5 [Golf clap]
"Def A" - Dimon's pool boy
@6 Government workers are not paid with dollars raised from taxes, they're paid with freshly printed dollars or dollars borrowed from China (neither of which count if my economic advisers are to be believed). Behold the beauty of a fiat currency. Otherwise, if the government were forced to constrain it's spending to even a multiple of tax dollars, then the federal government wouldn't be able to sustain its role as employer of last resort for the less fortunate among us (e.g. everyone at the SEC, Congress, et al). That said, I guess it is somewhat discouraging that federal government is also this country's largest employer. @12 You make a good point. The obvious solution to the problems you've noted is more regulation. If you're implying we should create several new regulatory bureaucracies (staffed with thousands of America's worst and worthless - thereby reducing the unemployment rate) to oversee the existing regulators, I think you'll be pleased to see what I've got in the works. Keep hoping for (spare) change, Barry O.
....rickety saloon door shudders in the dry wind
I hear he's had some recent work done. -Guy that momentarily mistook this comment section for TMZ.
Is something going on with Goldman Sachs? I think this website needs more coverage of Goldman Sachs.
Remember that time that you and the gang made friendship bracelets as part of a business assignment back at Bay Side High. Then when tensions flared, Jessie, Kelly and Slater broke off to form a rival business - Buddy Bands? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nHMth6Ut0s&NR=1 Those were the days.
"The SEC is also going utilize more technology under my lead - and not just for the consumption of internet porn! In fact, I'm pleased to announce the agency has just placed an order for several dozen C64 machines from Commodore International. When recievied, use of these little powerhouses will be reserved only for official government business." Mary Schapiro
The lengths to which some men will go in an effort to sate a taboo beastiality fantasy. Tsk tsk.
@11 - Fine work @9 - From newsblaze: "All you get is hype-feeding-hope, and criminals know people live on hope and exploit that hope with spin and lies." I don't like you - Barry O.
An Ernst & Young spokesperson inadvertently released this draft statement: Ernst & Young is committed to quality in everything we do. With that in mind, let’s look at the facts. Lehman was a prestigious client. Inside the firm we call such clients “global priority accounts”. Outside the firm, we work such client’s names, and our relationships with them, into conversations with prospective clients as part of a poorly-veiled strategy designed to impress these prospective clients with our reputation and presumed prestige. Such name-dropping, in concert with nonstop shameless self-promotion and the Securities Acts of 1933 and 1934 constitute the three pillars of our go-to-market strategy. As a client, Lehman was not only prestigious but also very profitable. Between audit fees and other various engagements we’ve received hundreds of millions of dollars from this client. We can’t seriously be expected to bite the hand that feeds us can we? Besides we already went through all the hoops of making sure that no individual staffed on the engagement had a direct financial interest in the client. As for the firm’s direct financial interest in the client, that remains totally legal. Furthermore, Ernst & Young would also like to point out the preposterous nature of expecting a bunch of $70K per year junior staffers that are working until midnight to prevail over $700K per year bankers working into the wee hours of the morning. If any capital market participants genuinely relied on the audit report, then they were probably not sophisticated enough to have been investing in investment banks. Viewed from that perspective, such losses were very likely inevitable. At the same time, the firm would also like to remind capital market participants of all the good audits the firm has completed that haven’t yet blown up. Notwithstanding the firm’s involvement in the recent barrage of restatements, failed companies, and generally the past decade; Ernst & Young plays an important role in our nation’s capital markets by providing market participants with dubious and often unreliable assurance regarding the integrity of our client’s financial statements. Ernst & Young would also like to take this opportunity to implore Congress to act by further entangling itself in this train wreck. More specifically, the firm would encourage Congress to consult with our industry in expediting a poorly-thought, reactionary, knee-jerk bill mandating all SEC registrants to comply with a new set of prohibitively-expensive, dogmatic and onerous regulations if they wish to remain listed. For its part, Ernst & Young will set about designing inane new audit programs to be executed unquestioningly by legions of spineless half-wits. As always, the firm’s partners will meekly negotiate with the client’s management in a back room somewhere regarding the audit report. As punishment for its continued failure, Ernst & Young stands ready to be saddled with millions of additional billable hours of work restoring investors’ confidence in the markets. The government may have been moderately successful in its poor attempt to legislate the firm’s appearance of partial independence from its clients. Even so, the continued existence of our firm would suggest that that the government has yet to adequately legislate competence and ethical conduct.
Just testing to see if Bess Levin's lack of a sense of humour about herself has permanently censored me.
@17 Glad to see somebody has finally taken my advice.
Bess, Who won the Caesar's gig?
@ Tax Chick, Agreed. Bess, I think the problem might be DealBreaker's power source for its servers (i.e. the hamster died - check his wheel).