Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
Dear Muffie:
There’s a lot of eye-candy on the trading floor of any Investment Bank. As a gay man I’ve always found the testosterone filled atmosphere generated by the fit guys on the spot FX trading desk particularly intoxicating. But which traders are gay, and perhaps up for finding somewhere private for a bit of fun at lunchtime? I find it very hard to tell in that situation, does Muffie have any tips to help me?
Gay Banker
Muffie Benson-Perella
Posts by Muffie Benson-Perella
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
Dear Ms Muffie:
How are you. I understand that you have enough contacts in the Banking world. Could you please help me in identifying an opportunity in any investment bank. I really appreciate your help in this regard. I am more or less new in the finance world and have strong engineer back ground. Doing my masters in Industrial and Management systems Engineering. Can i request you to send my resume muffie.
Thanks
R. Mondavi
Dear R.:
First, I love your wines.
I’m much better at girls’ resumes, you know, but I’ll try. Well, this resume needs quite a bit of work. As I have said before, investment banking isn’t for everyone, and your engineering background is very difficult to get around, frankly. I have, however, done an extreme makeover of your resume.
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
I have to say I’m starting to get really irritated at the recruiting infrastructure in many of the top banks here in New York and London. The bankers they are hiring are terrified of women.
I had three dates with this young man, let’s call him “Dean” from one of the “big name” banks in town some months ago. He was actually very charming and quite a Renaissance man. When we went out the first time for drinkies and then dancing later I was pretty impressed and I am sure all my fans know how hard I am to please when it comes to things like this.
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
Dear Muffie:
There is a lot of talk about KKR’s $5 billion IPO for their LBO funds in Amsterdam. What do you think about the IPO and public access to LBO fund IPOs in general?
Best,
Wondering in Washington
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
So the people on my deal team are total asses. It is not every day that people get to visit London, but they insist on spending hours and hours “working,” which translates to sitting around in conference rooms and hotel rooms and hotel conference rooms (and by the way, someone has to do something about hotel conference rooms, I can’t believe my co-workers sit for so long without moving and without their butts hurting) and reviewing “documentation.” Personally, I don’t call a bunch of spreadsheets “documentation.” Documentation is suppose to explain something. Like how to work your iPod, or the best way to keep the leather on your purse in good condition or something. Why the hell did we come to London if they are just going to be in a hotel or conference rooms the whole time? They might as well have been in Atlanta or something. And let me tell you, dear readers, Atlanta is no picnic.
Anyhow, I started taking pictures of the “deal room,” which is another totally stupid term since there is no dealmaking going on in there, just reading of more “documentation,” but this total bitch of a receptionist told me there was no photography allowed. That is totally stupid considering there were video cameras all over at every corner of the hallways. Hello, how can there be “no photography” when you have cameras everywhere? So I just took pictures when she wasn’t looking but then some obnoxious guy actually took my camera away. Can you believe it? That’s assault, you know. He gave it back to me but my memory card was missing. Assault and theft. Isn’t that robbery or something? Anyhow, I plan to ask Dad what can be done but I didn’t get the guy’s name. That was stupid.
They were boring pictures anyhow. Just a bunch of boxes with papers in them. I thought I had some pictures from the night before on there but I don’t really remember for sure and I can’t find the business cards I collected because I left them at someone’s house. Anyhow, I got a new memory card and went out to M&S before I had to go to the Airport.
After the camera incident I got a call from a partner at the prestigious investment bank I work for. He had heard about the entire thing already and suggested that I should come home immediately. He was kind of mean but then my Dad’s friend on the executive committee called and apologized and said there was lots for me to do for the Ambassador Program back home. Of course, he’s right. They had been so beastly there was no reason to let them take advantage of my contributions to the team any longer.
This sign explains a lot. I think the British just have too much attitude. Wedding insurance must be a good bet considering the number of broken off engagements that must pop up once girls find out what dicks British men are. I left a bunch of things at this guy’s place and he wouldn’t call me back so I could get them back.
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
Dear Muffie:
When I was in London two weeks ago a krispy-kreme donut cost approximately $2 and a coffee (tall) and cake at starbuck’s is $9.50.
With $25 for dinner, how can I maintain a balanced diet?
Worried,
Banking on Baking
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
It is really hard to get work done in London. Someone has got to do something about the Hotel situation in London. Why aren’t 30 cash-flush private equity firms snatching up London hotels and converting them into something civilized? I mean, really. It is beyond the pale. So we get into the city and one of the deal team guys is trying to convince us to switch our hotel reservations to some place near the client. I have never stayed at a hotel in London so what do I know. Someone at the client suggests the “Millennium Hotel.” Sounds good and modern to me so we go there. Disaster. Look at what passes for “modern” in London:
I mean really. Talk about boring. It’s in the middle of this huge, dull square. There are a few trees but that’s it. No boutiques. No where to sit and have a nice breakfast. No shopping nearby. Nothing. I am in London, I am going to want to see the city and do some tourist things, obviously.
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column “Heard in the Suite” is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
I think I might have mentioned before that international travel is really uncivilized now. Nothing provides a more solid example of this frustrating fact than London Heathrow Airport.
First of all, you are funneled into this hallway, which goes on forever and ever. Why they can’t provide some golf-carts or something is beyond me. There always seems to be some old, decrepit senior riding around in the back, as if they have anyplace other than the funeral home to get to in a hurry. Why some sort of transportation isn’t provided for professionals on a timetable I will never know.
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