brianvan

Recent Comments

  1. 1
    Posted 2008-09-09 16:08:15 on Speaking Of Pec-Whaling

    Get it right! It's va fungul; derived from Va' fa' un culo which loosely translated is what every commenter on Dealbreaker wants to do to Bess.

  2. 2
    Posted 2008-08-28 14:42:28 on Lehman To Cut 1000 1500 Jobs

    @7 yeah he gets his bad news in the 4th quarter! Muhahaha.

  3. 3
    Posted 2008-07-17 12:55:28 on UBS Exiting Business Of Providing Off-Shore Banking Services To US Clients

    Don't you know this hurts the American economy? That will be $100 billion per YEAR less that wealthy Americans will spend on the kinds of things that create jobs and wealth for disenfranchised people in this country. You know, like Big Macs and housekeeping services. This is clearly a move by the terrorists.

  4. 4
    Posted 2008-07-14 14:10:07 on My Brain Hurts

    I didn't know Nick Denton had posting privileges here

  5. 5
    Posted 2008-07-11 10:03:54 on Why A Fannie Mae Conservatorship Is Appealing To Bush Administration

    Right, humiliation is the way to go. It's not like they've already escaped with the money from their overinflated salaries... hit em where it hurts, their pride. Fucking retarded. Thank God this administration is on their way out.

  6. 6
    Posted 2008-03-28 16:23:14 on We’re only 2 comments away from breaking 100.

    Great filler post. Show us your bewbs next week around Friday 4pm. (I am proud to have helped make 100 happen)

  7. 7
    Posted 2008-03-27 16:03:59 on Lehman Brothers, Battered By Rumors, Starts Recovering

    Lehman Brothers to announce substantial losses tomorrow. That is, someone lost the scissors from the copy room on the 24th floor. RUN ON THE BANK! Why would LEH announce more write-downs today? Middle of the week. Quarterly results just published nine days ago. Is everyone on Wall St. retarded all of a sudden? Oh, wait, yeah they are. Same traders who went long on mortgages going short on LEH. Guess that tells me what to do! Muhahahahaha!

  8. 8
    Posted 2008-03-26 17:20:46 on Tools Of The Week: Making Your Hedge Fund $$$

    Dealbreaker.com - Your news source for tools

  9. 9
    Posted 2008-03-26 15:21:32 on Up in Smoke: How That Big Scungili Head Cayne Wrecked Bear

    Hmm, scungilli? I love it when to you talk to me in Italian, Bess. Gimme your best va fangul.

  10. 10
    Posted 2008-03-18 08:39:59 on Opening Bell: 3.18.08

    //threadjack Goldman and Lehman both beat market estimates. Mortgage write-downs were modest, only half the rumored numbers flying around. Both are up in futures trading. Get off me, son! Bear is Bear, Lehman is not Bear, Goldman is not Bear. No more bailouts needed, Mr. Bernanke. kthxbye.

  11. 11
    Posted 2008-02-28 12:09:38 on Why Do Rogue Traders Always Lose Money?

    If you skirt the rules and wind up making money in the process, then the company will sponsor a party for you with the "ass-to-ass" strippers.

  12. 12
    Posted 2008-01-15 09:58:52 on The Kitchen Sink Does Not Include $37.3 Billion In Subprime Exposure

    Carney doesn't know more than Citigroup, he's just way more willing to talk about what he DOES know than anyone over there is.

  13. 13
    Posted 2007-11-28 15:48:24 on So Uncool

    It can't be Lehman. Their firewall blocks Facebook and their IT department is staffed with at least a few mildly retarded people who routinely refuse any requests more complicated than a keyboard installation. What's funny is that all of the above is true and not at all sarcastic. It would be nice if our network could handle espionage! I guess we just have to settle for having the smartest MBS traders out there who aren't cooking the books.

  14. 14
    Posted 2007-08-22 17:19:19 on Closing Bell: 08.22.07

    Citibank, Bank of America, Wachovia and JPMorgan all borrowed $500 million from the Fed discount window equals Short the fuck out of Citibank, Bank of America, Wachovia and JPMorgan

  15. 15
    Posted 2007-08-16 11:24:58 on

    They were crying because they just had meaningful sex with someone other than a prostitute. It was a first for them.

  16. 16
    Posted 2007-04-23 11:30:09 on The Rumor Mill: LastFM Still Being Picked Up By Viacom

    Actually, I'm here for the music, women and cocktails. There's not nearly enough of that in the Financial Times.

  17. 17
    Posted 2007-04-16 12:20:02 on Calculational Chaos: What the Salle Mae Deal Tells Us About Private Equity & Government Regulation

    But how could the private equity companies know more than public shareholders? After all, we have Jim Cramer...

  18. 18
    Posted 2007-01-08 12:22:04 on Ben Stein Loses It Over Backdating

    Brutish: you're forgetting that corporations have infinitely better lawyers than the government (which, by definition, is filled with people and processes just inept enough to not be replaced by a riotous mob). So, if the government is bluffing, the corps will win, and the gambit will have been costly for the prosecutor. Losing a high profile case is political death for a prosecutor. Mike Nifong is feeling that right about now. The genius of what Spitzer did is that he didn't play nice-nice with the corps - he found out what they were doing, bullied them into settlements, and hailed himself as a muckraker. He didn't need proof, because the companies were THAT corrupt. Problem is, his actions are not going to change the system much, and it was just a big political parlor trick in the end. I mean, you can hate him for that, but I wouldn't bother. It was quite clever of him. And he's governor now, which means his little trick worked quite well.

  19. 19
    Posted 2007-01-04 01:41:17 on The “Free Jeff Skilling” Movement Grows

    Interesting picture with all those overbearing phallic elements. (Reader exercise - see if you can find them all) Good work finding it.

  20. 20
    Posted 2007-01-04 01:36:40 on Puzzles, Mysteries and the Vindication of Jeff Skilling

    So does this mean that Gladwell is bringing SkillingBack? (*ducks thrown objects*)