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You bloggers suck. You make me sicker than DK's Collie.
Stay tuned for the return of the Obama Portfolio after the close today!
The food thread was removed because it's unbecoming of the dealbreaker site. I'll be making some more changes over the coming weeks. First stop, Levin.
Only the best for our readers.
I did, #11. In 1987.
Nah.
Got it, thanks Cluzo.
If anyone can do it, it's the Germans. They almost had unemployment licked once before as #7 points out. (Hint: You can cut at the problem from the supply and the demand side).
That wasn't actually me. Clever typo-squatting though.
"I can dust off my tin foil hat and pick up where we left off." They replaced tin with aluminum long ago.
Dearest Greg: Greetings from Martinique! I have to apologize. Normally I would have left the traditional "letter to a successor" in the desk drawer over at the office, but: - I'm only on vacation. - My departure was so horribly rushed. (Charter service is not what it used to be though a lack of famous-name bankers seems to have freed up some jet time). I hope you will forgive this less romantic but more utilitarian attempt to give you some (fake) pearls of wisdom. Even fake pearls have their uses. A few words about the vile and caustic Shark-with-dorsally-mounted-neodymium glass-laser infested cesspool that is the Dealbreaker comment section: - As with any cesspool, make sure you've had your shots before wading in. Small cuts quickly grow infected and, left untreated, may consume a limb. You may consider a proactive series of antibiotics. Sure, this will likely create a few strains of drug-resistant commenters, but no more so than the years of cocaine immunity-building therapy many have already undertaken of their own accord. - Feeding frenzies are common where large collections of mindless predators roam. Be very careful once there is blood in the water. Things can get out of hand quickly. This is rarely the time to pour a platelet-filled bucket of fish heads into the pool. - While the mindless predators are common, and hazardous in great numbers, the more intelligent hunters, while fewer in number, are far more dangerous. One 15 stanza bite from these can leave you literarily crippled for a week. - Dominance is key, but must be used mercilessly with the full force of your effort and sparingly. If you chose to try and assert it, your attack must be swift, utterly crippling, leave little chance for riposte and expertly mounted. A poor attempt at dominance assertion can be fatal and once you lose the respect of the commenters, all is lost. There is nothing more dangerous than an ego-wounded commenter. - Alliances can help. Occasionally praising a noted commenter can create a much needed ally. Alternatively, adopting for praise a particularly meddlesome predator can fatally diminish that commenter in the eyes of his/her peers. That commenter may find him/herself set upon by peers. This works wonders when blood is already in the water. Consider the careful study of Aikido. - Nipping is a weak attempt to test resolve. With some exceptions, commenters are an insecure bunch and need to strive for seniority even in their own subgroup and sub-clique pecking orders. This results in instant and merciless attacks on small errors in grammar or punctuation, or 70 comment debates on word selection. The great untapped secret of the Dealbreaker comment cesspool is that it is the world's most effective market-driven, distributed, free copy editing service. You can foster this dynamic by gently thanking the first couple of nitpickers with a "Wow, my fault. Thanks for the catch!" Of course, this effect is also totally dependent on the commenters not realizing they are being used in this way. - Remember that like Sharks with swimming, commenters must comment constantly, or die. Accordingly, take much of their behavior with a grain (imperial asston) of salt. If they comment that much they probably aren't employed. (There is also the horrible possibility that they are employed to comment- but we will speak of this abomination no more). - Posts about commenters draw the most comments. This is narcissus personified. Know, but do not abuse this fact. - If all else fails, you have their IP addresses. Some comments on composition: If ever you get down on yourself try this experiment: Head over to Borders and pick up the latest Harlequin romance title you can find. Pick the one with the cheesiest, most Fabio-looking male model on the cover. Pick a chapter at random and skim for a cheese-platter paragraph that catches your eye. (I make no value judgments about what may or may not move you in this respect). Now replace "his" with "The Chinese Finance Minister's" and "her" with "Timothy Geithner." Replace "member" with "cash." Post with a picture of Tim in front of a Congressional Committee. You will learn quickly that writing standards mean nothing in this business (English is my third or fourth language depending on how you count) and your post will be the most read and commented entry on Dealbreaker all week. Remember this lesson. I've tried similar experiments thrice, and was never discovered. (Just mentioning this will augment my read-post count now as a flurry of readers go back to try and discover these secret passages in my prior writings- learn from this too). You can never go wrong with a good contest. Bad contests are quickly forgotten. Sex sells- unless its sex with bankers or lawyers. (Exception: Heads of investment banks or law firms). Read the mood. Attack the unpopular subjects in the news. Praise the underdog heroes (then attack them later). Dealbreaker is about vicious gossip. Reporting on things that go well is bad copy- unless you are mocking it. Channel your inner tenth-grader in the social contest of life. Nasty. Vicious. Kill or be killed. Able to see weakness and attack it immediately. Write this way then moderate it slightly with some humor. Readers are at their core tenth-graders waiting to get out. Facilitate their escape. Never try to out-finance the readers. You will almost always lose unless you are in the top 0.01% in the sub-discipline your post deals with. (Hint: You aren't, and even if you are you still lose because those who aren't can't tell the difference and there are 200 voices of idiocy to your one of clarity). Never argue with idiots. They bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Don't write for good reviews. It might work for a while but you will quickly learn that the only popular whore on Dealbreaker is Ashley Alexandra Dupré. Try ignoring comments for a week. (You'll only make it for a day, but it's a good effort to undertake). Final word: Dealbreaker readers hate change. Period. Until you aren't change anymore they will try to wear you down with unadulterated nonsense. The commenters are liars and would like to confuse us. But they will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological and powerful. Remember that. Do not listen. Wearing a crucifix probably won't help. Carrying cash might.
It's the "less worse" nonsense that is the highlight of the flub, not to mention the general tenor of scatterbrain optimism. Next time I'll be more granular about which piece I bold.
"Meaning, you're out of cash. That...is the definition of insolvency." Uh, no it isn't. Did someone check his ID card? Was that really an alum?
"Posted by guest, May 28, 2009 10:26AM in all seriousness - where does one send one's resume? none of the stories have the address, i havent heard the ad, and there is no reference to this particular hiring on their website....." Finding the address is part of the test. Duh.
I'm a she.
Even now, he increases my comment count.
Where have I seen that place before? Oh yeah. Jack Woltz. http://dealbreaker.com/woltzestate.png Careful, Kogan. You might end up the latest recipient of the Vito Corleone Horse's Head Award For Negotiating Excellence.
#20 posts this worthless drivel: "Posted by guest, May 26, 2009 2:47PM Oh right, SKF going from $49 to $41 is going to blow up an asset management arm? And we the commenter get a scolding for posting worthless drivel? Come on Bess.." Where exactly are you getting $49 to $41? Mid-April SKF was as high as $76 and hit $38 May 8th and hasn't really recovered since (mid-$43s right now). So what exactly are you talking about?
Actually, it was emailed. Have a link for the BP?
I wasn't aware I purported to provide a direct translation so I'm not sure what you mean, #5.