For those visited by the Pink Slip Fairy over the last several months, have you found it’s translated to an increase in JO&C time, as a result of killing your game? The AP says yes, claiming that the recession is causing your “dating” lives to take a hit. Truth? Or do you find that, alternatively, having your 9-5′s freed up simply means more available time slots to fit in the ladies you’re beating off with a stick? And for those of you still playing for Team Employment– has becoming one of the few men left on earth with a J caused a palpable shift in your favor, making it a “not even fair” situation? Or, with finance not being the same aphrodisiac it once was, do you now downplay the whole “I work at a hedge fund” aspect of your bio, which you once sent neighborhood kids over to the bar to announce ten minutes ahead of your arrival (so everyone there could plan accordingly)?

We feel like bad Pals o’ Pandito for giving this story that Sheila Bair may soon be telling Vikram to pack up his shit and hit the road any weight whatsoever. But, our thinking is that it’s best to be prepared, so that in the event Vikula is indeed escorted from the building, it doesn’t catch us by surprise. Also, we come up with a contingency plan. We’re not going to let Uncle Vik go down the road of a certain commode connoisseur. So, we need to do two things. 1) Get a rough idea of whether or not we think this horror scenario might actually happen and 2) Strategize. Figure out Plan B for Pandit. Whereas he previously could’ve fallen back on his looks (jolly elfin’ smile + bouncy belly = money), VP has slimmed down considerably since taking on the job, meaning the Tickle a Vickle booth set up in the middle of Times Square is out, and we’re back to the drawing board.

$$$ Madoff’s Fundraiser Jaffe Emerges From Cave [Cityfile]
$$$ Thoughts from Chairman Ben [NYT]
$$$ Could Mitt Romney Fix GM? [Dealbook]
$$$ Mozilo lawyer: SEC allegations are “baseless”
$$$ Bank of America forces out risk chief after bailout [Reuters]

UBS apparently sent out a memo last Friday eliminating the majority of its trash cans. Previously, they had mini-wastebaskets at each desk and now only one can per floor. And speaking of cans– an unhappy employee notes the Swiss have “downgraded to single ply TP.”

We weren’t kidding, bitches! According to FT Alphaville, clearly giving you people far too much credit than is due, a comment lefty by “sugardaddy” this morning caused the Sterling to “jackknife…falling from 1.64 to the dollar to a low of 1.61 and moving above 0.87 to the euro.”

HFY, my darlings. HFY (hell fuck yeah). Ken Lewis has reportedly been asked by the House Oversight Committee to testify about the so-called “threat” he received from the government last year, which KL claimed prevented him from sharing with BAC shareholders that MER was set to report an imperial asston of losses for the fourth quarter, information that would’ve been more useful to them before the deal went through, rather than after.
Let’s back the truck up for a sec: the Journal reported in April that during his February sit-down with Andrew Cuomo, Lewis told Andy he was “urged to keep quiet while the two sides negotiated government funding to help BofA absorb Merrill and its huge losses,” and that later in his testimony, Lewis described a conversation with Paulson, in consultation with Bernanke, in which the Treasury secretary made it clear that Mr. Lewis’s own job was at stake (which, hilariously, happened over the phone while Bald was out on a bike ride). Then Steve Liesman rode in to defend Bernanke’s honor, saying a government official told him Bernanke never ever told Lewis not to disclose the losses prior to the deal going through. Later that day, Cuomo came out and was all “Paulson did the dirty work, but it was at the behest of Bernanke. And by the close of business, Paulson had issued a statement saying hell to the yes I threatened the guy, but Bernanke had nothing to do with it.

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