Jon Shazar

Posts by Jon Shazar

Triple A!

Triple A!

Moody’s, S&P and Fitch took a lot of flak for being a little too optimistic about the creditworthiness of derivatives before those derivatives proved anything but creditworthy. S&P got sued over it, but there may have been other motivations for that, and the other two, as well as the industry as a whole, more or less got away scot-free.

Well, S&P and Fitch—and smaller, insignificant players in the space—are back up to their old tricks, Moody’s huffs in a new report. Read more »

  • 30 Jan 2015 at 3:00 PM

Preet Bharara Does Not Need This Shit

Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 1.56.10 PMThe four guys who got to retract their guilty pleas to the crime earlier this month? Yea, they won’t have to enter new pleas of any kind—unless the Second Circuit Court of Appeals sees the error of its ways, or the Supreme Court sees said error. Read more »

Doesn't have to go home... yet.

Doesn’t have to go home… yet.

Francisco Illarramendi ran a hedge fund whose strategy was to steal about $400 million from Venezuela’s national oil company. This is illegal in the United States, and that is a lot of money—even if his lawyers say Illarramendi’s was the first Ponzi scheme in history to turn a profit for investors. And so instead of six months of house arrest before being deported, Illarramendi will be wearing an orange jumpsuit for 13 years before being deported. Read more »

  • 30 Jan 2015 at 12:15 PM

You Can Go Ahead And Cancel Your Spotify IPO Party

I'm sorry, kids. We're just going to have to throw away all of the decorations you made.

I’m sorry, kids. We’re just going to have to throw away all of the decorations you made.

At the very least, you’re going to have to rebook the room for sometime next year, because unlike certain burger chains, Spotify doesn’t need the public markets to scrounge for nine figures. Read more »

Bonus Watch ’14/Layoffs Watch ‘15: Hedge Funds

Hedge funds did a spectacular job not making money last year. That translates into a 30% drop in profit for the industry in 2014. And that translates into 60% drop in the bonus pool. And that, for those of you working at smaller hedge funds, is the good news. Read more »

Man Allegedly Steals Insider Info, Doesn’t Trade On It

Back to shilling zit cream.

Back to shilling zit cream.

Here’s a heartwarming, refreshing story: A former Bush administration spokesman turned TPG Capital spokesman saw some bad things going down deep in the heart of Texas. Or didn’t see anything, but was pissed because he was denied a promotion. In any event, one of the perks of being TPG spokesman is that you have a laptop and a Blackberry full of confidential information. Maybe even embarrassing information, or, better yet, material non-public information. Which means that you can either become an insider-trader, whistleblower or disgruntled employee seeking his revenge by leaking information to liberal rags.

Now, the refreshing part: The spokesman, Adam Levine, chose option B or C (depending on who you ask). Read more »

  • 29 Jan 2015 at 3:36 PM

Cheech And Chong Go To The New York Stock Exchange

Still looking for the right business partners.

Still looking for the right business partners.

There is still, to the best of our knowledge, no such thing as a pot hedge fund. But soon there will be pot stocks, which means that a pot hedge fund cannot be far off. To say nothing of pot analysts. And pot ETFs. And pot mutual funds. Read more »

Some suggest that Greece’s new communist prime minister, Alexis Tsipras, is all talk, what with his desire to remain within the Eurozone and consequent complete lack of any leverage of any kind. But if he did actually do the things he’s pledged to do, namely tell Angela Merkel to give him a better bailout deal or go to hell: Well, that would not be good for Greece’s credit rating, according to Fitch, Moody’s and S&P. And Greece’s credit rating is already not very good. Read more »