banking culture

Fashion Meets Finance: Even Worse Than You Think

It doesn’t quite rival commenter turned DealBreaker correspondent Investor Cluzo’s report, but Radar reporter Neel Shah’s trip to last night Fashion Meets Finance insanity gave us a good chuckle. Those fashion girls sure are bitter! And the guys are cocky! Expectations met.
“It’s like you’re never skinny enough, or slutty enough, or hot enough for guys here. It’s such bullshit. They all want to fuck models,” one size six twenty-three year old tells Shah.
“I know that if I go to a club tonight, I can find a hot girl and take her home. It’s not a big deal. By coming here…maybe I get some stories out of it?” Dinesh Patel of Goldman Sachs responds.
Oh, and here’s Radar’s photo gallery of the event, which includes a complaint by a certain girl named Molly, who complains that none of the finance guys would dance with her and her friend. “Except one dude in a hat and green vest, but he’s gay,” she says.

Fashion Meets Finance

Dating Mr. Junk Bond

One of our old faves, Bankers Ball, is back at its old act. Today she is discussing the dating life of women who date bankers.

No dating life would be complete without the classic Bad Boy. Bad Boys appeal to women not only because of the cachet of danger and risk, but because the idea of being able to reform the Bad Boy is every woman’s fantasy. After all, women want to be “The One” to teach BB commitment and monogamy; of course, still keeping the naughtiness in the bedroom.
Now take a Bad Boy, put him in a Brioni suit and you have Mr. Junk Bond.

The Banker Dater: Are You Mr Junk Bond?

The Citi Never Sleeps: Sleep Deprivation Makes You Stupid

Citigroup might want to rethink its insomniac slogan. Although the “Citi Never Sleeps” slogan is meant to convey a sense of never-ending vigilance, a new study shows that sleep deprivation leads to a loss of attentiveness and interferes with visual processing.
The study, which will be published in the Journal of Neuroscience, shows that losing only one night’s sleep has a dramatic effect on the brain, making it prone to short, sudden shutdowns. The study suggests that sleep-deprived people alternate between periods of near-normal brain function and dramatic lapses in attention and visual processing.
“It’s as though it is both asleep and awake and they are switching between each other very rapidly,” said David Dinges of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. “Imagine you are sitting in a room watching a movie with the lights on. In a stable brain, the lights stay on all the time. In a sleepy brain, the lights suddenly go off.”
Losing just one night’s sleep makes brain prone to ‘sudden shutdowns’ [Evening Standard]

Older Guy Declares War On Millennials

kevincolvin.jpgIt seems like it was ages ago. But it was only last November that the hottest item in everyone’s inbox was the story of an intern called Kevin who emailed his bosses about needing to take a day off work in October to take care of some family business in New York City. His bosses, however, discovered a picture of him at a party in Worcester, Massachusetts, uncovering his duplicity. Worse, his boss attached the picture to a response email to him and BCC’d the entire North American staff of the bank. And, even worse, in the picture the intern–a young man named Kevin–is dressed a fairy–complete with green wings, eye makeup and a star-tipped wand. “Nice wand,” the boss adds in his email.
Now Robert Lanham, the author of the Hipster Handbook, has revived the story in Radar because he views it as reflective of an entire generation of young Americans. Not only did Kevin deserve the humiliation, he should have been fired, Langham says.

My lack of empathy for Kevin comes from my sense of loyalty to the generation born between the years of 1961 and 1981. Generation X. Kevin is part of the generation born between 1982 and 2002–a Millennial, formerly known as Generation Y. (They got renamed after whining too much.) They’re younger. They’re healthier. They got to do anal in high school. They think updating a spreadsheet while simultaneously posting to a Twitter account about the latest gossip on is an essential corporate skill. And, like Kevin, they’re always doing stupid shit, but rarely getting called on it.

We’re sure you can think of a few other dangerous Millennials. Aleksey Vayner and Lucy Gao spring immediately to mind.

Generation Slap

Are Investment Bankers Worse Than Television Writers?

We wonder if there is a direct relationship between the performance of investment banks and the public image of investment bankers. A few years ago, New York’s major publishing houses were fighting each other in a desperate bidding war for the rights to publish Dana Vachon’s Mergers & Acquisitions: A Love Story. (And, before the last financial crisis of this magnitude, Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby was narrated by a young man who came to New York to work in investment banking.) But now all the sad young literary men have turned against investment banking, regarding it as perhaps the lowest occupation available to educated people. Lower, even, than television writers.
Here’s a guy who actually wrote a novel called All The Sad Young Literary Men lamenting that many of his college friends never became anything that counts. Instead, they became investment bankers.

Even worse than the temporary psychological distortion is, as [Dean of Columbia Journalism School Nick] Lemann argued in “The Big Test,” the permanent sense of entitlement the admissions game provides. Winners can plausibly claim they participated in a brutal competition (even if many potential competitors were never told about it). So we owe no one anything. Many of the people I went to school with became doctors, public advocates, television writers who bring laughter to the American people. But most of them became, like my friend who believed that getting into Harvard was the hardest thing in life, investment bankers. We meritocrats have not, generally speaking, used our fantastic test-taking abilities to build a more equitable world. In fact, buoyed by a sense of the fairness of the process, we may have done the reverse.

Admission Impossible [New York Times]

Hunting Cats Of A Certain Age

Being otherwise detained last evening and unable to attend, we found the only assholes in New York who weren’t participating in the greatest spectator of all time, i.e. PocketChangeNYC’s Speed Date II, for “Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys”…and sent them to watch. This is their recap.

The evening started off as any other, 4 guys tenting for some poon – what was different was what we were after. The patina of time had rendered this particular target as soft as cordovan and the flavor as intense as Peter Lugers finest prime. Tonight was going to be glorious, not easy, but glorious nonetheless. As any successful hunter knows, the lure has to be tailored to match the prey – in this case, we were armed with a near encyclopedic knowledge of the contemporary art scene, latest Palm Beach fashions, and the bat-phone numbers of the best cosmetic artists in the city. Or so we thought.

Read more »

alex s.jpgAlright so there’s a slight clarification to be made to the story about the mother trying to peddle her son’s ass out to rich older women. Suzanne, the mom who really wanted her son Alex to at least be afforded the opportunity to become the sex slave of someone old enough to be his—wait for it—mother, didn’t actually give birth to Alex. She’s just his stepmother (more on that later). Yesterday, Big S placed a second call to PocketChangeNYC organizers, who weren’t yet entirely convinced they should make room for the kid at Thursday’s event, considering all slots were filled while he hemmed and hawed about forking over the fifty dollar entrance fee. Suzanne remains so certain that Alex’s participation in the singular awesomeness that is an evening of matchmaking between sugar mamas and boy toys under time constraint that she and her husband are willing to pay the $50 themselves, provided Alex is allowed to be whored out like everyone else. Suzanne adds at the end, as I guess her “final plea” or whatever, that she hopes they’ll reconsider, if for no other reason than the fact that she’s not Alex’s biological mother, and “part of the reason [she’d] really like him to be able to go is because it would cause her* so much agony.” Presumptuous insinuations about what sort of scenarios would or wouldn’t pain Alex’s real mom (who knows, perhaps this is exactly the sort of thing she’s always dreamed of for her baby boy), I have to say, we’re sold. And also that I hope to one day be so lucky as to have stepchildren at my disposal through which I can carry out vindictive but hilarious schemes that speak to my severe psychological problems. Additionally, and this is just me talking crazy, but I can’t help thinking there’s something going on between these two. Now that it’s printed as fact through the magic of the Internet, feel free to embellish on this incontrovertible truth and disseminate widely.
Message From Stepmom
Earlier: That Cougar Will Feel Like She’s Sixteen Again When MY Son Is Banging Her, THIS MUCH I PROMISE YOU
*”her” = biological mom, if you were confused.

alex.jpgIt’s probably a safe assumption that many of the male participants in Thursday’s speed dating event, earnestly taking part in this horrifically embarrassing but very entertaining spectator sport, have some sort of mother issue that is manifesting itself in their desire to be made the kept boys of much older women. But you have to wonder how many of them have gotten their actual mothers (and not their seasoned girlfriends) involved. Three? Four? Half the field? Or is Alex S., pictured here, the only one who, after taking too long to submit his profile because he didn’t want to pay the $50 entrance fee (which his new older lady friend surely would’ve recouped him for later), and was told all slots had sold out, had his mother call the organizers, begging them to reconsider the gross oversight of her little boy? For the love of humanity, I certainly hope not.
Message From Mom clip