• 18 Dec 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • Banks

European Banking Authority Also Forgot To Carry RBS’s 1

Looks fine to the EBA.The Scots got a little arithmetical tutoring, because not everyone grading their stress-tests is up-to-snuff on the finer points of adding and subtracting. Read more »

Opportunity!By its own calculations, the bank has already given away more than half the money it has to give away to keep the Justice Department from filing criminal charges against it, and it’s not afraid to say so.

“We continue to help thousands of families become homeowners and assist those who may be struggling,” a J.P. Morgan spokeswoman said.

With a gun to their head, sure, but all the same. And should you miss out of this coerced generosity, you needn’t fear. Jamie Dimon’s only handling $4 billion of the $13.5 billion in forced largesse; you could always try your hand at Citi or BofA. Read more »

  • 16 Dec 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • Banks

Layoffs Watch ’14: Citi Mailroom

Lost in the mail.Given all of the shit that Mike Corbat’s had to deal with this year from all corners—Mexico, Argentina, subprime lending, Jed Rakoff, paying lawyers—he really doesn’t need to be cutting $3 million checks because someone forgot to throw a few hundred thousand prospectus in the mail. Read more »

  • 15 Dec 2014 at 11:00 AM
  • Banks

Paul Volcker Doesn’t Hate Banks

Got something to say?He just hates giant American banks. If you’re transacting business in Riga, Cairo or Tokyo, he’s listening. Read more »

  • 11 Dec 2014 at 9:45 AM
  • Banks

UBS Is Looking For A Few (Thousand) Good Brokers

He wants YOU! If you're a badass, that is.Make that great brokers. Gods among mere mortal brokers. Heroes whose insight and sheer animal magnetism makes rich people simply throw money at them. For only when Sergio Ermotti has found these giants shall UBS achieve its goals of tripling its more lucrative wealth-management assets and humbling its rivals. Read more »

Nothing is fucked, Dude.Mike Corbat is going to go ahead and just send every one of the 54 billion nickels Citi’s going to make this quarter to the bank’s lawyers, the latest last big legal charge it will have to take, he swears. Read more »

  • 09 Dec 2014 at 2:06 PM
  • Banks

Iceland May Let Bank Creditors Take 60% Of Their Money Elsewhere

Iceland has come up with a second industry.Last month, rumors flew that Iceland might relax its six-year-old capital controls for the low, low price of a 35% exit tax. This did not sit well with creditors of the banks whose bailout led to the capital controls in the first place. After further careful consideration, Iceland has decided that maybe it doesn’t really care how it sits with them. Read more »

You've earned it, boys.Jim Gorman & co. could pretty much just blow off this whole month, what with having taken €131 million off Europe’s acquisitive businesses this year compared to Barclays’ €85 million and Goldman’s €82 million. We’re not saying it will, but for someone else to win this year’s race, they would basically need Germany to sell itself to, say, Russia, and award all of the fees to Barclays. Read more »