• 18 Nov 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • Banks

Wall Street Buying Some Extra-Strong Barn Doors

Probably not a one-man job.Because, you know, they probably should have had them already, and no one wants to have that look that Jamie Dimon had on his face when told about the incident. Read more »

  • 17 Nov 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • Banks

Bonus Watch ’15: Morgan Stanley

Not gonna be happy with this shit.Need a new car? New house? New lung? New wife? Brokers, be warned: You might want to spend your whole bonus next year in one place, but you will not be able to. Read more »

  • 10 Nov 2014 at 2:25 PM
  • Banks

JPMorgan Tech. Team’s Job Is Done

Saved!Among the most serious casualties of this summer’s hack-attack on JPMorgan Chase was the Corporate Challenge: A series of jogs that allow members of the House of Dimon to do good while making themselves look good. Well, the news is good, at least in terms of the CC: The races can go on! Read more »

  • 04 Nov 2014 at 4:52 PM
  • Banks

Jury: Former UBS Exec Neither A Snitch Nor A Felon

Who says being Swiss is illegal?The former UBS wealth-management head sure is glad he didn’t do what lawyers not involved in his helping people evade taxes case suggested, instead choosing to follow Jed Rakoff’s advice and see what a jury said about it. They said, “you’re free to go,” and with gusto. Read more »

  • 04 Nov 2014 at 3:53 PM
  • Banks

An Election Day Message From Goldman Sachs

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!Pay no mind to the silly Europeans or global oil prices. In fact, pay no mind to anything that can be connoted by the word “global.” All that matters is happening right here in the greatest country in the history of the world. Although, it must be said, those matters are not necessarily great themselves. Read more »

  • 03 Nov 2014 at 1:53 PM
  • Banks

RBS To Use Criminal Expertise For Good

New, New Scotland YardHaving spent a number of years getting pretty good at doing shady, underhanded, litigable and occasionally (allegedly!) illegal things, the Royal Bank of Scotland is ready to teach London’s finest how to catch others doing the same—the next step in its ongoing charm offensive. Read more »

  • 03 Nov 2014 at 10:45 AM
  • Banks

How Much Are Banks On The Hook For Right Now?

On the bright side, banks are thisclose to putting that whole rate-manipulation thing behind them. On the less bright side, they’ll be leaving quite a few ducats behind with it. Read more »