Results tagged “JP Morgan Chase” from Dealbreaker
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Even Sewage Will Get You In Trouble These Days
May 08, 2009, 10:25am
Posted by Equity Private
Back when rates looked cheap, it became habit to sell financing and swaps and the like to municipalities (perhaps not the brightest municipalities) for infrastructure projects. Now that the terms of the related debt are blowing up badly, states like...
What Does Jamie Know That You Don't?
May 04, 2009, 3:50pm
Posted by Equity Private
That as it travels through the galaxy it manages to suck towards its center, all the nearby available mass until, growing and growing, it finally manages attractions of such force that not even bid-ask spreads can escape it. It is......
Letter To Shareholders: Last Edits
Apr 16, 2009, 10:33am
Posted by Equity Private
To LB from JD: Here's my notes from our late night edit session. I've got to send this to the printer posthaste. Let me know what you think or if I missed anything. Let's face it. 2008 blew. In the...
Personally, We Are Outraged That Recipients Of Public Money Would Be Unwittingly Supplying Nuclear Material To Iran, Aren't You?
Apr 07, 2009, 2:12pm
Posted by Equity Private
By using aliases, LIMMT fooled U.S. banks into processing dozens of illegal transactions, Morgenthau said. "Our banks have high standards and sophisticated systems to stop these transactions, but this conduct was specifically designed to defeat their systems," he said. Some...
Presented Without Comment: J to the D-I-M-O-N
Jan 29, 2009, 4:29pm
Posted by Equity Private
MARIA BARTIROMO: JAMIE, THANKS FOR JOINING US. JAMIE DIMON: MY PLEASURE. BARTIROMO: CAN YOU CHARACTERIZE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW IN THIS ECONOMIC SLOWDOWN, IN THIS TIGHT CREDIT ENVIRONMENT? DIMON: YOU KNOW, MARIA, I THINK IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO DO...
Why Open?
Jan 29, 2009, 2:10pm
Posted by Equity Private
According to our vibrant tip-line: [JP Morgan] open-sourced the CDS analytics engine because no one remembers which precise version of the "binaries" (compield source) code was originally handed over to Bloomberg to fuel the CDSW page. Seriously. Earlier: Open Source...
Open Source CDS Analytics?
Jan 29, 2009, 10:39am
Posted by Equity Private
The big JD leaves town for a few days to pontificate and ski and the office just melts down and starts giving away critical intellectual capital. Boy is he going to be mad when he gets back. In this particular...
Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before
Jan 29, 2009, 10:12am
Posted by Equity Private
JP Morgan has "plenty of capital," thank you very much. And if you people don't stop talking about this nationalization thing, you are going to fuck the whole thing up for us. Someone should just rewrite Basel II, make a...
We Don't Know, Is It?
Jan 12, 2009, 3:21pm
Posted by Equity Private
From an inquisitive reader: "Is it really true that at the JPM Life Sciences conf in San Fran they gave out a mug with instructions that feel free to use the water cooler but no drinks or snacks or cocktail...
Latest Member Of The Stadium Name Curse Club
Sep 26, 2008, 3:55pm
Posted by Equity Private
The WaMu name on the 5,000-seat theater at Madison Square Garden is likely to change because of the seizure of Washington Mutual by federal regulators on Thursday. The nation's largest savings and loan -- which came to symbolize the excesses...
"Feel the Whoo hoo!TM"
Sep 26, 2008, 2:06pm
Posted by Equity Private
That didn't take very long. Almost as fast as Barclehs got their logo on the digital Lehman walls. Seriously, what the fuck is feeling the "Whoo hoo!"TM supposed to mean? And who the hell puts that right above a sympathetic...
Let's Do The Time Warp Again!
Sep 26, 2008, 10:58am
Posted by Equity Private
When the country's three largest banks reached agreement on Friday on how to structure a $75 billion fund to prop up distressed securities, an exhausted group of its top planners gathered in a Bank of America conference room to toast...
Bearpont Morgan Mutual Back On The Table?
Sep 16, 2008, 10:59am
Posted by Bess Levin
Not content to allow Ken Lewis be named King of Wall Street, and walk around town flashing the sceptor that comes with, Jamie Dimon is expected to be making a bid for Washington Mutual, which was cut to junk last...
Consider The Swag
Sep 03, 2008, 11:30am
Posted by Bess Levin
It feels like we've been discussing this for decades so let's just decide once and for all which sounds best and do it already: Stearns Morgan Mutual, JPMorgovia, Trust JPM Cayne, or Bearpont Morgan Express. Takeover Targets? [Fortune]...
Speaking Of LAME Excuses To Fire You
Aug 28, 2008, 12:26pm
Posted by Bess Levin
According to a well-caffeinated incoming analyst at Bearpont Morgan Chase, Jamie Dimon's henchmen in HR fired at least a handful of new hires for falling asleep during training to make up for last year's overhiring....
Alan Schwartz's Batcyle Requires A Sidecar
Aug 05, 2008, 10:17am
Posted by Bess Levin
Any Wall Street veteran worth his salt knows that the most important weapon with which to line his arsenal is a fall guy. Inevitably he's going to fuck enough shit up that someone's going to have to get fired...
Things At JPM Too Awkward For Schwartz To Stick Around
Jul 31, 2008, 10:13am
Posted by Bess Levin
Charlie Gasparino reports that former Bear CEO Alan "We've Got Liquidity Coming Out Of Every Orifice" Schwartz will leave Bearpont Morgan Stearns at the end of the summer. Schwartz has apparently been "working on some deals" at Bearpont, but decided--as...
Layoffs Watch '08: JPMorgan
Jul 15, 2008, 10:55am
Posted by Bess Levin
Bearpont Morgan Stearns is said to be canning fifteen percent of its research staff this week. Severance is two months plus two weeks for every year with the firm....
Dennis Kneale To Jail?
Jul 09, 2008, 12:38pm
Posted by Bess Levin
Many of you were outraged at the comment made by Bearpont Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to Charlie Rose that the SEC should investigate the "smoke" surrounding the fall of Bear Stearns, because the mixture of gases and suspended carbon particles...
Confidential To JPMorgan Monkeys: Go Home!
Jul 08, 2008, 1:14pm
Posted by Bess Levin
The most important thing Bearpont Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon said on record to Charlie Rose? "I hate it when I hear about kids working through the night." Take this tacit approval of you moseying on out of the office at...
