When Donald Trump launched a mortgage company a couple of years back it was a sure sign that the mortgage business was heading for serious trouble. Now that he says that America is doomed by $125 oil, we're thinking that's a powerful contrary indicator. Maybe the worst really is behind us?

(By the way, our nerds IT folks were moving around some wires this afternoon, and comments got disabled. Should be back up now.)

Deny it all you want but I know it's been a longstanding fantasy for many of you to be the son (by marriage) of a bankrupt, overly tanned businessman who'd fuck you for a nickel, steals coins that spill out from the one-armed bandits when the blue hairs hit the jackpot in AC, requests gold crowns at the dentist, fetishizes feet, and has never once lost at bocce (for the non-Gasparinos in the group, that's lawn bowling). Today, there's a glimmer of hope that that fantasy could become a reality-- Donald Trump spawn Ivanka is single! She and real estate "mogul"/New York Observer owner Jared Kushner are finished, and rumor has it, she's looking for consolation in the form of a first year analyst. Now's your chance! And if that doesn't work out, Angelo Mozilo has a daughter, as well.

Unattached [NYP]

There's a lot to love in this interview with Neil Cavuto and Don Trump (Cavuto's expressions (he's definitely been practicing these, go to 9:02 and tell me I'm wrong); Cavuto's jokes (DT: "Ben Bernanke could've been a leader, instead he was a follower" NC: "He should've read Think Big And Kick Ass In Business And In Life") ; Cavuto's ass-kissing ("I love when you say 'You're fired,' I love when you do that") but if I had to choose my favorite moment I'd go with:

Trump: If i were president right now, you'd have $30 oil. I would call up Saudi Arabia and say "That fucking price is coming down and it's coming down now" and you know what? They'd lower that price so quick and it'd be so easy.

Cavuto: What if they didn't?

Trump: They will.

Donald Trump's $2 billion proposal to build "the world's greatest golf course" in Scotland, the home of his ancestors, has been shot down. Councilor Martin Ford, who cast the deciding vote against the 15-mile construction of two 18-hole golf courses, 950 apartments, 500 homes and a 450-room luxury hotel, said the wildlife damage it would cost would be "too high a price to pay," though Trump claims that the area would "maintain its environmental integrity." In one of those rare moments that you couldn't say, "Wow, what an unjustifiably smug twat, he's clearly only gotten this far on his looks," Trump admitted that he was "surprised and disappointed." Thank god he had the good sense to add, "The appeal should go rather quickly and successfully...This is what I do all my life. In the end it works out because I do succeed." In other news, who knew Trump was Scottish? I certainly didn't. Seriously, some days I am too stupid to function. Other days, no joke, I'm a fucking genius.

Trump's In The Rough [NYP]

First off, this is in no way an endorsement of Donald Trump's new book (unless you're in need of a good gag gift), which you may have seen ads for on this very site, but the quiz the Don's included, to determine whether or not you're primed and ready for success? Magical. All I'm saying is, take it, so we can share our results together (* denote my pick. I scored a 25 and apparently "need a major attitude overhaul." Now you go). Also, tell me if you think the option to answer "I love my spouse, and I do not want it to end, but I signed a prenuptial agreement to protect my finances in case it does" to question fifteen has any sort of significance to the author. Begin.

1. How much money do you want to have in five years? a. $100,000 to $249,999.

b. $250,000 to $499,999.

c. $500,000 to $4,999,999.

d. $5 million or more. (* lay it on me)

2. What is your financial dream?
a. Winning the lottery. (* he said "dream")
b. Getting a good job with health benefits, a 401(k), and three weeks vacation.
c. Owning my own home.
d. Having unlimited passive income from a business and/or real estate holdings or other investments.

3. Which statement best describes your financial situation?
a. I am very satisfied with where I am financially.
b. I am somewhat satisfied with where I am financially.
c. I am unsatisfied but feel hopeless. (*maybe 'lazy' more so than 'hopeless')
d. My financial situation is completely unsatisfactory. I want much more.

Donald Trump couldn't make money with his now defunct mortgage business, and now it seems he's just decided to give money away instead of bothering to lend it out. We're thinking of it as the ultimate subprime loan.

According to the Observer's Media Mob column, Trump’s people are giving out free money at this very moment outside the Barnes & Noble at 5th Avenue and 46th Street. (We'll give a special prize for anyone who gets a hold of TrumpBucks and spends them creatively. Email the details to us.)

At about half past noon Trump is scheduled to deliver a short speech outside the bookstore, and then will go inside to sign copies of his new book, "Think Big and Kick Ass." His PR flak tells the Observer that there is already a line of fanboys outside the store. We've seen these people before. They're vaguely frightening.

Stop by on your lunch break and ask the Donald what the biggest word he's ever thought of is.

(Note: You may notice that "Think Big and Kick Ass" is a sponsor of DealBreaker these days. Don't ask us how that happened. His publishers are just really open minded, we guess. Anyway, this post wasn't paid for by anyone. In fact, we're pretty sure the Donald still owes us a breakfast from that trip we took up to Trump Tower when he launched that mortgage company. It's probably a conflict of interest for us to even mention this but if KKR can borrow money from Citigroup to buy back its own loans from Citigroup, and Citigroup can make money on fees from a super SIV that is bailing out Citigroup's SIVs, well, we're not going to worry about that kind of thing. We ran a conflicts check by the lawyers who were all still too drunk to bother us about it, and since the DealBreaker credit committee has already signed off on this post, we're moving ahead with it.)

Donald Trump Giving Out Free Money Outside 5th Ave. Barnes & Noble [Observer]

Donald Trump is shutting down Trump Mortgage, the mortgage lending company he launched with an audacious press conference in the atrium at Trump Tower.

This is a very special moment for DealBreaker because we covered the launch back in April. It was one of those burning, shining moments that mark market manias. A half dozen television cameras crowded the room. A crowd of onlookers cheered as the Donald, the Donald Jr and Trump Mortgage CEO E.J. Ridings entered. Small children were dressed like Donald Trump. People sipped from bottles of water bearing Trump’s likeness.

Even the Donald seemed stunned. "If you had told me we would have had this many people for a friggin' mortgage company opening--give me a break," he told the crowd.

Of course, most of the crowd was not attending because they were super-excited about a new mortgage company. They were there because the Donald is a money culture celebrity, complete with his own catch-phrase. And Donald let them have what they wanted—his own version of “Whachoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”

As we wrote way back in April 2006:

It takes exactly three minutes before The Donald finally gives the crowd what they've come for. He tells them that this is going to be a very successful company.
"If it's not," Donald says turning to the President, "EJ…you're fired!"

As it turns out, it wasn’t a successful company and EJ Riding wasn’t all he was cracked up to be. It aimed to do about $3 billion of business but barely reached $1 billion. And then Money Magazine looked into the claims that Riding was "a top executive at one of Wall Street's most prestigious investment banks" with fifteen years of experience in the financial industry. It turned out that his “Wall Street” experience consisted of working for a few months as a broker for Dean Witter back in 1998. But, you know, he had run a cleaning business and a vitamin company. And that’s pretty much the same thing, right?

Trump hardly seems chagrined about the failure of Trump mortgage. In fact, he is outrageously trying to distance himself from it. “Trump played down his role in Trump Mortgage, saying it was just a licensing deal and he didn't have an ownership stake,” according to the New York Post. Sorry, Donald, we’re not buying that line. We were there. You and Junior were all over this thing. So we're scoring this as a loss for you, and a win for us.

For those of you keeping track at home, that makes the score:

Donald Trump: $2,600,000,000.00
DealBreaker: 2

Trump Mortgage Flop Tried To Credentials Flap [New York Post]

One of these things, is just not the same. Try to guess which one! Here's the current board of Trump Entertainment Resorts, chaired by The Donald.

- Wallace B. Askins, Retired Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, Armco, Inc.

- Edward H. D'Alelio, Executive-in-Residence and Member, College Management Advisor Board, University of Massachusetts, College of Management

- James J. Florio, Founding Partner, Florio Perrucci Steinhardt & Fader, LLC

- Cezar (Cid) M. Froelich, Partner, Shefsky & Froelich Ltd.

- Morton E. Handel, Chairman of the Board, Marvel Entertainment, Inc.

- Michael A. Kramer, Partner, Perella Weinberg Partners, LP

- James B. Perry, Chief Executive Officer and President, Trump Entertainment Resorts, Inc.

- Don M. Thomas, Consultant and Retired Senior Vice President of Corporate Affairs, Pepsi-Cola Bottling Co. of New York

- Ivanka Trump, 26-year Old Girl

Shares of Trump (Nasdaq: TRMP) shot up almost 3% on the news that Ivanka is joining the board, then came down to flat on yesterday's close after people realized Trump installed several corporate defense mechanisms on his daughter, including a poison pill and supermajority change of control provision. All Ivanka has to do now is get licensed to work in the casino industry and like, learn shit.

Trump Entertainment announced today that it concluded its recent review of “strategic options” regarding a sale with the conclusion that no one wants to buy a company that can’t turn a profit. Last year TRMP’s losses totaled $18.5 million. This year, results have suffered from the smoking ban in AC casinos, the advent of slots in Pennsylvania and New York, and because The Don failed to bring the noise on the final season of The Apprentice. Shares of TRMP are down $2.17 (17.26%) to $10.41.

No Deal for Trump [Thestreet.com]

It turns out you don’t have to be a real estate billionaire’s offspring to get a sense of Ivanka Trump’s huge (and artificial?) tracts of land. Jared Kushner, fellow member of the “Daddy’s a Real Estate Billionaire” club and vaguely heterosexual courter of Ivanka, succumbed to Yahoo’s Indecent Proposal and is letting the winner of the Yahoo Search Marketing Ultimate Connection contest go on an “executive meeting” with his non-girlfriend.

All you need to do is write three 500 word essays (start honing those “unique journey of self-discovery” narratives now) and send them to Yahoo by tomorrow by midnight, and have your guidance counselor fax your transcript.

If your business is small enough (under 99 employees) and wants to team up with the marketing wizards behind Yahoo’s recent surge (closest comparable – the Titanic), enter today. Other prizes include:

-A $25,000 Yahoo! Search Marketing budget to blow on your date with Ivanka
-A power lunch with your marketing mentor high above New York City, who may or may not be a peregrine falcon nesting on the Chrysler building
-Access to your marketing mentor and especially easy access to a Yahoo! Search marketing mentor throughout the year
-A web site makeover from Yahoo! Small Business and FastPivot and Divine-Interventions.com

Yahoo! A Date With Ivanka [webpronews]
The Ultimate Connection Contest [Yahoo]

Yesterday, in a Chicago courtroom, prosecutors trying to take down press guy Conrad Black for racketeering brought an email into evidence that they believe stacks the cards against Mr. Black, sent from him to Donald Trump, prior to Hollinger’s 2003 shareholders’ meeting:

"Dear Donald", began Lord Black. "Could I ask a rather esoteric favour?" He continued: "Some of the [investing] institutions are engaging in an insurrection and I plan on a forceful rebuttal... If you were able to make a cameo appearance and put in a supportive word, I'm sure it would have an impact."

Does this prove guilt? Who knows. What we do know: Black got this great idea from close personal friend Dennis Kozlowski, who brought in Ken Lay (may he rest in peace…if he’s really dead...) to speak on his behalf when things were getting dicey with Tyco shareholders. (Koz had ripped it off from Stalin, who tried a similar tactic on the Soviets with the glowing recommendation of colleague Adolf Hitler).

Trial hears how Black played Trump card to mollify angry investors [The Guardian]

[Apparently the Don obliged and gave such a beautiful account of Black’s “tremendous management” that Melania was offered a spot with Hollinger’s board of directors, though in what capacity we’re unsure.]

Not sure why you would care about this but the Dealbreaker audience never fails to surprise us in what gets you off (Sam Zell, Pirate Capital news, pictures of Carney without his kilt on). Donald Trump apparently dodged a bullet yesterday when he—actually, his proxy, Bobby Lashley—beat World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon’s stand-in, Umaga, in a “Battle of the Billionaires” match.

The deal was that whoever lost (or whoever’s kept boy lost) would have to go bald. Trump, in an effort to make sure his hairpiece would see another day, “wasn’t just a cheerleader” and apparently “leaped off his feet at one point and drove McMahon into the ground, then pummeled him with some closed-fisted punches,” which sounds about right.

As an aside, the FAA, NSA, and Homeland Security are refusing to confirm or deny any involvement The Donald's hair had on the attacks on New York, some years back. Sources within the security agencies, however, have made veiled allusions to Mohammed Atta's obsession with the guy’s rug. Now: are we saying that The Don’s hair was responsible for 9/11? No. Of course not. But only because that would be libel.

Donald Trump wins, keeps his 'do intact See especially the video.[Yahoo! News]

After learning that Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach had not made Golf Digest’s list of “America’s 100 Greatest Courses,” The Don told Page Six:

Golf Digest is a disgrace to their profession. They should be ashamed of themselves.

He then wept into a 3 mm thread-count pillow for remainder of the afternoon, before continuing his work as a human PSA for the perils of self-tanning.

TRUMP TEES OFF AT GOLF DIGEST [NYP]

Donald Trump won the title "Most Annoying Money Personality" from AOL's "Money & Finance" readers, garnering 44% of the overall vote. Also nominated, Suze Orman (20%), Jim Cramer (19%) and Mark Cuban (18%). Inexplicably not nominated--Warren Buffett.

Best and Worst in Money [AOL.com]

Per yesterday, below you will find the check in question sent to Donald Trump from Spy mag (courtesy of the catfight-middlemen sleuths at Radar), that he vehemently denies having ever received. If he's lying about this, maybe he's lying about his "long and beautiful" fingers and "various other parts of [his] body," too?

Back in the ‘80’s Vanity Fair EIC Graydon Carter and gal-pal Kurt Andersen started a satirical magazine called Spy. As publications of this nature are wont to do, Spy had a bunch targets whose skin it liked to get under, as it were, but none more than the man himself, Donald Trump (who the mag affectionately referred to as a “the short-fingered vulgarian”). One of Spy’s more famous pranks (which we *won’t* be shamelessly ripping off at some point in the near future) was sending 64-cent checks to a bunch of millionaires (see: today’s billionaires) to see who would cash their respective pots of gold. Whoever did so was subsequently sent a 32-cent check, then a 16-cent check and so on and so forth. According to Carter, Trump and one other cheapskate Saving Susan were the only ones to cash in all the way down to 16. The other day, Trumpskie denied having done so, shared TMI, and offered a scathing and hirsute observation:

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body. From what I hear, the same cannot be said of editors of the failed Spy. Spy was a total failure and they're trying to resurrect its memory from the ashes. While I have always liked Graydon Carter, he is lucky to be working for Si Newhouse, especially with how badly Vanity Fair magazine is currently doing. Without Si, he'd just be another overweight editor with bad hair.

He would certainly know.

TRUMP FINGERS SPY 'FAILURE' [NY Post]

Carolyn Kepcher, who helped Donald Trump fire corporate wannabes on “The Apprentice” television show, took a new role Tuesday — helping Microsoft Corp. find the best small-business idea in America.

The winner of the Redmond, Wash.-based company’s "Ultimate Challenge” contest will get $100,000 in seed money, a storefront or other space in Manhattan for a year rent-free, and software to help get their business started.

Fired by Trump, she's hired by Microsoft [MSNBC]

Yes. Apparently little Trump has replicated:

We hear....that Donald Trump will become a grandfather for the first time next year when Donnie Jr.'s wife, Vanessa, gives birth. The gorgeous mom-to-be celebrated her cover on the Hamptons magazine holiday issue last night at the 460 Degrees Gallery on Fifth Avenue

We Hear [Page Six, New York Post]

At the Trump Vodka launch party, of course!

Drinking Vodka With Teetotaling Trump [NYM]

Ever thought to yourself, ‘Man, I would love to know what the Donald likes to sink his teeth into,’ in a non ‘anything thirty years his junior, vaguely resembles his own daughter’ way? Yeah, neither have we. But the brass over at Buckhead Beef is hoping we’re not a statistically representative bunch, as it has recently entered into a licensing deal with the big guy that will put the Trump brand on its steaks. DT’s really going to have to bring his A-game on this one, as the partnership’s likely come about as a result of his 2004 bankruptcy filing, wherein The Don owes Buckhead $715,240. The insouciance with which he approached The Apprentice is certainly not going to fly out on the ranch.

Trump Steaks. Ehhh? [New York Inquirer via Gawker]