This is from the other day but, uh, perhaps there are one or two of you out there who don’t regularly watch Fox Business’s (fingers crossed) Emmy Award-winning “Happy Hour,” produced at the Waldorf’s Bull & Bear. I came across this segment while searching for a piece someone told me the show did yesterday on particle theory. But before I could find it, my eyes landed on this one, entitled, “Teenage NASCAR.” Who among us would be able to resist? None, myself included. Cody and Rebecca interview 17-year-old Joey Logano about the financial component of racing and what it’s like to be NASCAR jailbait (they also get him absolutely shitfaced and then request a spin in his 750 horsepower racing machine, which is just good TV). That’s not what I want you to focus on though. I want you to focus on Cody’s jacket. Watch it like you’ve never watched a jacket before. Watch it with the sound on, watch it with the sound off. Watch it on a boat, watch it with a goat. Watch it in the rain, watch it on a train. Watch it in a box, watch it with a fox. Watch it in a house, watch it with a mouse. Then start a letter writing campaign to Fox Business, petitioning that Cody Willard has to wear that jacket on every network appearance for the remainder of his contract. Then take a gander at this thing, which is equally mind-blowing and worthy of your time. You’ll want to plug your headphones in.
Teenage NASCAR Sensation [Fox Business]
Fox
Only, spoiler alert, it’s totally boring. Nothing like the Jermaine Dupri interview and not even in the same league as the 50 Cent spot. As someone who attended a Boyz II Men concert as recently as a few weeks ago, and until then, had a Post-It on my computer reading “Remember to buy Boyz II Men tickets,” this was disappointing. And after all the points FB won with the Arabs! We’re not going to write them off just yet, but Neil Cavuto needs to think about what he’s done. (Dude didn’t even act smug or self-satisfied, though we did appreciate it when he said, “You guys look like bankers!” and “I thought the line of fans outside was for me” before LOLing his own joke and ruining it. ) Thanksgiving starts tomorrow, not today, bub. Shape up.
The only excuse we have to offer re: just now mentioning what happened on Fox Business Friday morning is that we don’t watch Fox Business. Sure, we’ve checked out a few choice clips (50 Cent, Sammy Hagar, Lamb Chop and Jerry Springer all come to mind) but only because they were forwarded to us in convenient link form. The bottom line is that there are three TVs in the office and each one is spoken for (TV1: CNBC; TV2: Nintendo (and the answer to all your, “Why haven’t you guys posted anything?” comments); TV3: A Best of Carney clipshow that was spliced together in-house and plays on loop). We don’t TiVo FB because it’s the sort of thing that has to be experienced in real-time.
Which brings us to this: unless something really drastic happens, like Maria Bartiromo announces that Cutter Associates is buying half of Bear Stearns, or Kudlow and Company is replaced by Paulie Shore and My Biatches, or Charlie Gasparino finally cops to being a drug mule, or Joe Kernen discusses Aquaman, the fictional movie from Entourage as though it were real, CNBC is getting bumped. No longer can we afford to miss Fox Business Morning for Breakfast reporting that Apple is taking an 8 percent stake in chipmaker AMD, contributor Charles Payne analyzing the genius (/imaginary) deal, and Glick correcting the misinformation by noting that “It’s not Apple, it’s Apple Dubai? Apple Dubai? Oh, Abu Dubai.” Yes, yes, Abu Dubai, AKA Abu Dhabi. The best part is Peter Barnes’s magical recovery which, paraphrasing, went sort of like this: “Ohhh, okay, okay, Abu Dubai, which was discovered and named by the Germans in 1904, and of course in German means a whale’s vagina.” Your move, CNBC. Transcript (via SAI) and video (via Valleywag) after the jump.
(On a related note, Carney makes his debut on ‘Happy Hour’ tonight.)
It’s no secret that Fox Business News is not exactly light on the lookers. But can you tell the difference between the Foxes and porn stars? Today Radar magazine’s website is putting you to the test.
We’re not sure whether we should be proud or humiliated that we scored a perfect 10 out of 10 on the quiz.
Fox News Anchor or Porn Star? [Radar]
Yes– Liz Claman just interviewed Lamb Chop, a fictional sheep who is a sock puppet created by comedian and ventriloquist Shari Lewis. Video TK, but in the meantime, here’s a question: how long before Neil Cavuto sits down with Jeffrey Epstein’s tranny? Full disclosure: we’re starting to love this network. Expect CNBC Senior VP Jonathan Wald’s fatwa on “sock puppets or anything like sock puppets” to be lifted when the ratings are in.
Worried about what it would look like having its “expert” guests moonlight on the network that just last week had Jerry Springer and Jermaine Dupri on to talk about money, CNBC executive editor Nick Dunn sent this directive to a Wall Street “strategist” and frequent commentator with whom the “serious” business channel had assumed it was in bed with exclusively, after his appearance Fox Business:
“Saw you on the new network. Please don’t make that a regular thing,” Dunn said in the e-mail. “We value you highly here at CNBC and we don’t want that watered down by appearances on other networks.”
Dunn also told the Post that he and CNBC “care deeply about the quality of our guests. [Our anchors, not so much].”
On a related note, heads are going to roll at Fox when Roger Ailes, head of the Fox Financial Network, who told the Times Saturday that “We don’t use jargon, and we don’t use analysts,” finds out that some subversive twat of a producer put a commentator with a thought in his head on News for the Stupid.
Special Guest [NYP]
Ready or Not, Here Comes the Fox Business Network [NYT]
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
