Harder to get into than Carney’s chastity belt

hades.jpgPrivate equity’s scorching hot these days and the Cerberus is a pretty, pretty, pretty badass name, so it should stand to reason that all you M.B.A.’s, bloggers and small mouth bass fisherman alike should want to go to work for Cerberus Capital Management. And why shouldn’t you? The three-headed dog’s got $26 billion in capital, counts Dan Quayle as a spokesman emeritus, and owns Bushmaster Firearms International, LLC, a manufacturer and distributor of guns based in Windham, Maine. Who are you kidding? You’ve been dreaming about this for years. The idea that one day, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day, but one day, you will go to work for Stephen Feinberg is all that keeps you going in this god forsaken world. You’re hanging on by a thread and that thread is whispering, “Cerberus.” We feel you. We are you.
Unfortunately, Deal Journal, because their goal in life is to crush dreams and facilitate suicides, reports that your dream is never going to happen. Since November 2006, CCM has hired only 110 people, according to operations chief W. Grant Gregory, from 2,500 interviews. A 4.4% hiring rate from among just those asked to come in, not the other 100k trying to belay themselves down the Park Ave. headquarters and into a side window.
The phenobarbital-vodka punch and plastic bags are on us.
MBAs Take Note: Your Odds of Landing at Cerberus are Slim [Deal Journal]