In my mind, I’m already gone

Slacker Cats…Hooo

slacker-cats.jpgIs credit card theft so easy a cat—and a slacker cat at that—could do it? That’s what the Walt Disney Company, whose stock plummeted 1 percent this morning to $33.95, is hoping. The company, best known for being the sick sadists who humanized mice and for its kid friendly G-rated films featuring highly aroused priests, is debuting its new animated series, “Slacker Cats,” on August 13, and running up thousands of dollars in charges at a the Pussycat Lounge on your AMEX is just one of the many ways Walt plans to stick its sword in the world of “outrage and grown-ups.”
Others include storylines featuring the cats at left taking bong hits, enjoying “kitty” porn, and manipulating the natural gas markets. Never to be outdone, Fox (+0.07 (0.33%)) announced plans to up the ante with its own new animal-centric show, “Fucking Pandas.” Episode 1: “Reverse Langone.”
“Slacker Cats” shake up Disney image [Reuters]

Former II Editor Turns to Tricks

Former Institutional Investor managing editor, Rob Veksler, has decided the fuck with financial journalism and started a production company. As of this week, Hat Trick Media (htrick.com) will be up and running to cater to the needs of whoever gives Rob enough cash to make a commercial, a website, install their DVD player in his boxers, or run surveillance on a cheating spouse.
Asked of his projected income for Q1, Veksler said “anywhere between rent and the cost of 11 Spring Street in 1968.” Eh?
hat_trick

donald trump.jpgTrump Entertainment announced today that it concluded its recent review of “strategic options” regarding a sale with the conclusion that no one wants to buy a company that can’t turn a profit. Last year TRMP’s losses totaled $18.5 million. This year, results have suffered from the smoking ban in AC casinos, the advent of slots in Pennsylvania and New York, and because The Don failed to bring the noise on the final season of The Apprentice. Shares of TRMP are down $2.17 (17.26%) to $10.41.
No Deal for Trump [Thestreet.com]

hades.jpgPrivate equity’s scorching hot these days and the Cerberus is a pretty, pretty, pretty badass name, so it should stand to reason that all you M.B.A.’s, bloggers and small mouth bass fisherman alike should want to go to work for Cerberus Capital Management. And why shouldn’t you? The three-headed dog’s got $26 billion in capital, counts Dan Quayle as a spokesman emeritus, and owns Bushmaster Firearms International, LLC, a manufacturer and distributor of guns based in Windham, Maine. Who are you kidding? You’ve been dreaming about this for years. The idea that one day, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day, but one day, you will go to work for Stephen Feinberg is all that keeps you going in this god forsaken world. You’re hanging on by a thread and that thread is whispering, “Cerberus.” We feel you. We are you.
Unfortunately, Deal Journal, because their goal in life is to crush dreams and facilitate suicides, reports that your dream is never going to happen. Since November 2006, CCM has hired only 110 people, according to operations chief W. Grant Gregory, from 2,500 interviews. A 4.4% hiring rate from among just those asked to come in, not the other 100k trying to belay themselves down the Park Ave. headquarters and into a side window.
The phenobarbital-vodka punch and plastic bags are on us.
MBAs Take Note: Your Odds of Landing at Cerberus are Slim [Deal Journal]