I worked from home on Friday which was a damn shame because I missed a special delivery that came in a package marked “savory, vibrant, luscious & sweet” but, more pressingly, “PERISHABLE.” So I thought it was good fortune that someone not named Blarney had the good sense to put it in the fridge. I thought. After the jump, behold what a certain CNBC anchor and his goombahs sent to the office under the semblance of a gift. I see it more as a threat. Like the fish in the Godfather that signaled Luca slept with the fishes, No Sleeves is letting me know via deli meat that I’m going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at some point in the not too distant future, one of his associates will be paying me a visit and for what? Merely sharing with the world how he likes to work out, sartorially speaking. You know what? That’s fine. He wants to play hard ball? I’m game, by which I mean watch for the package of week-old lox, coming your way. Vaffanculo, testa di cazzo, Charlie Gasparino.
Italians Who Don’t Sweat
So Countrywide made up a bunch of documents related to the bankruptcy case of a Pennsylvania homeowner in order to make an ill-gotten dollar for whatever it is Countrywide employees/shareholders spend their dollars on (afternoons at the dog tracks, mostly). Fabricated a bunch of dates, lied about some stuff pertaining to escrow requirements on a loan, etc, etc, etc. Unfortunately, someone cut some corners, failed to consult the company handbook on how to fuck people and yada yada yada, the courts got involved. A judge said he “can’t get over what [he’s been] told about these recreations,” intuited that “these letters are a smoking gun that something is not right in Denmark,” and now maybe the injured party will get some justice but probably not.
We like to think of ourselves as “with the little guy”-type people (Steve Schwarzman, 5’6”, Ron Blarney, 4’10”) but in this case we will make an exception: if you’re too stupid to realize there’s nothing about the face of Mystic Tan Man that doesn’t say “I will screw you for a dime,” you deserve to find yourself in foreclosure.
Lender Tells Judge It ‘Recreated’ Letters [NYT]
(Step into my inbox:)
“Have you noticed that Gasparino is much less sweaty in 2008 than 2007?”