Lawrence Lewitinn

How’s your PnL looking so far this year? Happy your long dollar position is starting to look good? Or are you annoying your b-school alumni affairs office asking them to post more jobs for experienced grads (Hey, Columbia, are you reading this? Get to work!).
Either way, if you have time to read this, I’ll bet you’re not doing as well as Adam Levinson. No, not that jerk from Maroon 5 — that’s Adam Levine.
Adam Levinson is doing WAY better than Adam Levine. For one, no one’s calling him a no-talent bastard to his face. For another, Fortress Investment Group just gave him $300 million in shares. But that’s not the first time he made more money than you or that weasel Adam Levine.
According to Jeffrey Cane of Portfolio.com (who wrote a piece linking to a lot of other pieces I didn’t read; As a former derivatives trader, I like to think of this as derivative journalism):

“Levinson, whose annual income Trader Monthly estimated a year ago was between $75 million and $100 million, joined Fortress in 2002 from Goldman Sachs. “

Then Cane asks the question we all ask ourselves when we read such things, if only to make ourselves feel better:

“The package shows that even amid a slowdown, firms are still paying out huge sums to star traders and dealmakers. Are they worth it?”

If you’re not Adam Levinson, the answer to that question is usually, “Hell no! Give that money to me!”. However, if you’re Adam Levinson, the answer is inevitably, “Hell yes! I should be paid more!”
Apparently, a Citigroup analyst disagrees with Fortress and Levinson and Cane provides a nifty quote. However, at the rate things are going, Levinson can buy out Citigroup, fire the analyst, and delete Adam Levine’s bank account so we don’t have to read about his dating exploits ever again.
Apropos of nothing, I always think of this site when i think of Adam Levine.

John Carney is on his way back to Manhattan from Iowa, where he was trying to put a stop to this ethanol business once and for all. Meanwhile, Bess Levin is on a beach somewhere ready to shank anyone who comes between her and her margaritas (though she will in and out of here today/some days this week). And, since it’s August, you’re probably not reading this anyway. However, the show must go on and, after they downed several shots of whiskey, I was asked by the powers that be to help myself to Carney’s computer and am now in control here at DealBreaker HQ. Not that it was such a hard gig to get. In fact, when I walked in the office, the only thing close to anyone giving me trouble was when the Fashionista kids stopped me, looked at what I was wearing, and silently judged me before returning to their work making the world safe from the dangers of Armani Exchange purchasers.
So, who am I? My name is Lawrence Lewitinn and I’ll be your guest editor here at DealBreaker until Carney chases me out of the office.
At first, I was going to do something silly, like dedicate all my posts to two journalists who currently suffer under an oppressive regime, risking their lives on a daily basis to report the truth in the most dangerous work environment known to mankind while the world instead pays attention to the conflict of two superpowers. Of course, I’m talking about Rebecca Jarvis and Margaret Brennan at CNBC. However, though my newly vested powers allow me to publish whatever I feel like publishing, I’ll try to keep it as professional as possible. That said, Becky and Maggie, if you’re reading this, feel free to drop Carney a line on how to get in touch with me and I’ll be glad to meet up with either one — or both — of you at the Royal Cliffs Diner.
As for the rest of you, you can email your complaints to Carney as well.