Each year, after a long and very comprehensive background check, a lucky group of Goldman employees are abducted from their desks, blindfolded, gagged, and led by candlelight through a dark hallway and into a subterranean conference room. Standing on the table before them are Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn and the rest of the management committee, who ask if they are prepared to pledge their devotion to the firm above all else. Those who agree have their nether regions dipped in a vat of gold and, at the stroke of midnight, are inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach. While there are many ways that becoming a member of the club will change one’s life, the most important one involves the partaking of astronomical profits on payday. As a result, when people are not invited to join the group, they tend to get very upset. For instance, hedge fund manager David Tepper, who became a billionaire many times over after leaving the firm, was still so upset about the snub twenty years later that he bought and bulldozed the house of the guy who passed him over. Others probably wouldn’t have even gone to the trouble of buying the place first, and operated the wrecking ball themselves. Which is why we say in full seriousness that the Partnership Committee might want to watch its back this year. Read more »
- 27 Nov 2013 at 1:30 PM
The holiday season is nigh and you still haven’t shopped. While you’re dreaming only of sugar plum fairies bearing fat bonuses, you don’t the time to mingle with the riff raff at some big box nightmare. Dealbreaker is here to help. Behold the 2013 Dealbreaker Holiday Gift Guide, chockfull of descriptors like “custom,” “gourmet,” “housecleaning,” and “DB swag.”
Click through to check out all of our gift choices for the hardcore capitalist in your life.
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- Bob Diamond Goes Where He's Pretty Sure No One's Ever Heard Of Him December 9, 2013
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- Steve Cohen Would Never Have Listened To Mathew Martoma's Advice About Stocks: Mathew Martoma's Lawyers December 9, 2013
- The 2013 Dealbreaker Holiday Gift Guide November 27, 2013
- Executive Editor
- Bess Levin
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