Jason Linkins obviously has a problem with Maria Bartiromo. We just can’t figure out what it is.
In the opening sentence of his recent column the political columnist for the Huffington Post, Linkins attacks CNBC’s Bartiromo on the grounds that she is getting older. At least that’s what we think he’s saying with his crack about her “collagen injections” being “widely reputed to be a key market bellwether.” The odd thing is that we’ve never heard this reputed, widely or otherwise. In fact, as far as we can tell, no one has ever accused the star of having received collagen injections except Linkins.
But that was a throw-away line that Linkins probably imagines is funny. And harping on off-hand sexist remarks is hardly our thing. What was Linkins real objection? Oh, here it is: Bartiromo said some critical things about Barack Obama’s tax plan.
After the jump, Linkin calls the female anchor “hysterical” (oh those hysterical women!) and then forgets to actually disagree with her.
Maria Bartiromo
It’s always sad when couples end things (and you have to pretend to care), but once the appropriate amount of time has past (usually two hours), we must ask the question: who came out on top? Who’s the winner of this breakup? Who deserves my admiration and who deserves my disgust?
If the rumors are true that they were ever even a pair, it’s been over ten months since Maria Bartiromo and Todd Thomson called it quits. Today the Times, under the guise of just being topical and not being US Weekly, casts its vote for Maria, declaring that the CNBC reporter is “is having a great year.” Not just good, GREAT. (Actually, they were going to go with “fanfuckingtastic” but, you know, propriety or some shit like that.) We’re not saying we don’t agree that the $H’s having a banner 365 days, but the story came off as completely one-sided, because these things are all relative, and the only way you’re having a good time is if your ex is having a bad one. We thought the Times knew this, and yet, the story made no mention of what Big T’s been up to. So we will, and only after we’ve seen both sides will we draw a conclusion.
Job Status
Got one, though it hangs in the balance, thanks to competition from “Street Sweetie” Erin Burnett and good times girl Trish Regan
Unemployed
Geoffrey Raymond, the greatest artist of our time, who brought us such masterpieces as “Big Lloyd I (.6 Billion)” (a rendering of Lloyd Blankfein), “Big Jim I: Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine” (Jim Cramer), and “Big Dick I (Hundred Million)” (Dick Grasso), is at it again. This time it’s Maria Bartiromo, whose portrait will be exhibited in front of the NYSE and around Wall Street for the next ten days, and available for purchase on eBay until October 6 (minimum bid is $4,999).
For his latest venture, Raymond chose to interpret the CNBC anchor as the Virgin Mary, which doesn’t seem like much of a stretch to us, if detailed accounts as to what went down on the Citigroup jet and the tips we get from the chippies in our Christian youth group about “how to be a bad girl while maintaining that you’re a good girl at the same time” are to be believed. Raymond, whose work has been described as “early crazy,” also uses the space to weigh in on the alleged friction between Bartiromo and Erin Burnett, because nothing drives the art market like a good catfight. Check it out today (the first 100 passersby will be given the opportunity to jerk off on their favorite part. Credit Suisse employees—you really have no excuse not to).
It’s Monday night and don’t kid yourself, you don’t have any plans. The most action you’re going to get tonight is from the vibrations of the treadmill as you speed walk across the belt (yeah, it’s early in the week so you better get your fanny to Equinox for at least 30 minutes cause you know it’s the only time you’re going to work-out this week). So, after your hard core Monday evening workout, we suggest you put your feet up, grab a Heineken and tune into CNBC circa 9pm. To coincide with the debut of Dr. Alan Greenspan’s publication, The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World – the delicious dish, Maria Bartiromo has interviewed Dr. Greenspan delving into his “life, career and impact of the most important central banker of modern times.” We say, DVR Monday night football, get out a fresh can of cheese balls and pay close attention. We can’t think of a better appetizer to tomorrow’s main course – the Fed announcement.
Greenspan: Power, Money & the American Dream [CNBC]
The population of China, unable to describe what was going on between Maria Bartiromo and Todd Thomson during their trysts to the Far East, decided to modernize its language.
Respectful of Maria’s status as the Money Honey, Maria and Todd were officially branded “ban tang fu qi” or a “semi-honey couple.” The phrase denotes young, married professionals who live in separate homes or go on long trans-continental flights with one another.
Chinese authorities were pretty pissed when they found out Maria and Todd weren’t married, and no one has the heart to tell the CPC how old the two are (if they ever want to be seen again).
“Semi-honey couple” is just one of the 171 new terms added to the national language registry in China, designed to reflect modern work and life situations. One of the terms added, “fang nu,” literally translates into “house slaves,” and refers to young people struggling to pay off home-loans. A culturally ingrained stigma is one way to prevent a subprime crisis.
Another term, “duan bei,” literally means “brokeback” and refers to male homosexuals. That’s where the Ang Lee movie title comes from, although going from urban slang in Shanghai to cowboys in Wyoming is a pretty significant leap.
“Ding chong jia ting” was officially registered and means “DINKS with pets.” A DINK is an acronym for “double income no kids.” The term refers to an increasing number of married professionals in China who choose a pet over having a child.
Modern marriage, mortgages enter Chinese lexicon [Reuters]
The downside is that Maria Bartiromo hates animals. The upside is that there could be a catfight between the mistress of money and PETA champion Pamela Anderson in the very near future. The $Honey is under fire for posing in a fur-trimmed coat for More magazine’s September issue, featuring “female movers and shakers over 40.”
“Chic, sexy clothes are the real me,” Bartiromo says. “The coat is spectacular; the fur cuffs give it just the right amount of glamour.” Not a “je ne sais quoi” factor, but more of a, “someone got shot for this coat” element that the CNBC anchor loves. PETA spokesman Michael McGraw begged to differ, nothing that “There’s nothing glamorous about animal electrocution, which one of the most common methods used to kill foxes for their pelts. She looks morally bankrupt in that fur.”
Morally bankrupt? Our Maria? That’s a little extreme. Sure she:
• Caused an uproar by flying around on private jets with a now ex-Citigroup executive
• Has acquired a pair of especially fetching nicknames, one in high school (look it up) and more recently, “the Bank Skank”
• Broke Joey Ramone’s heart
• Pulled a fast one on Bernanke on his first day on the job
But that’s mostly just child’s play. And we here at DealBreaker refrain from passing moral judgment on anyone. (And, in the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that Keith loves the way road kill feels on his body, especially if he’s dressing up for a big event.) But apparently some people disagree, so we have to ask “What makes Maria Bartiromo Morally Bankrupt?”
Vote or die, after the jump.
Zealots Rant Over Foxy Maria [NYP]
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Posted in:
Maria Bartiromo
Great Moments in Financial History: The Money Honey on Celebrity Jeopardy
By Keith Hahn
Notice Maria’s score (and provide a caption in the comments section). Keep in mind that this wasn’t that early in the game.
For those who missed it several years ago, the Money Honey was featured in a May 2004 episode of Celebrity Jeopardy in Washington D.C. during POWER PLAYERS week. A POWER PLAYER is presumably a celebrity with a brain. Fortunately SNL stereotypes held, and Maria outshined the competition, which consisted of fellow TV personality Anderson Cooper and former NAACP President and Maryland Congressman Kweisi Mfume. Maria was playing for the National Italian American Foundation, ensuring that pizza remains an alternative to baby carrots in school lunches nationwide (especially good old fashioned school lunch “Mexican pizza”).
Maria got off to a slow start, not buzzing in on the first 10 or so questions. Taking a breather, she put her spontaneous intellectual bandwidth on display during the meet the players segment:
Alex: What’s the fascination for you and for Americans with finance?
Maria: I think that it’s an opportunity for all of us to know that we can have the American Dream. That we can invest in America, in business and have a feeling that we have an ownership of some business and hopefully watch that investment grow. It’s a (struggling with the next word) democratization of information and investing.
The key words are investment and business. After managing to sound like Ralph Wiggum when he said “Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me,” Maria prepares to enter the fray and answer a question. Baby steps.
Maria’s first time:
Category: The Capital, for $100
A: In 1989 hundreds of pro-democracy demonstrators were killed by the military at Tiananmen Square in this capital.
Q: Maria buzzes in and makes a face for five seconds. A five second face, to her dismay, is incorrect. Armed with a functioning buzzer, Maria prepares to actually verbalize a question next time.
Maria does end up getting two questions right in a flurry at the end of the round, and manages to finish ahead of (and look slightly less retarded than) Kweisi, who ingeniously answered that “Montebello” was the name of Thomas Jefferson’s estate instead of “Monticello.”
Stay tuned for Maria’s revenge in Double Jeopardy after the jump, along with the coveted YouTube clip of the entire episode (believe me, you want to know what went down in Final Jeopardy).
You remember Todd Thomson, the guy who got fired from Citigroup for either too loosely spending the company dime on Maria Bartiromo or because Chuck Prince needed a scapegoat to distract people from Citi’s performance (are C shareholders as easily distracted by someone getting canned as Jim Cramer is by his reflection?)? Even though he’s on his I’m-sorry-I-cheated-and-lost-my-job vacation with his family (a safari in South Africa), the old boy checked in with thestreet.com to say that he’s got plans to work in private equity.
Interestingly enough, Thomson told the news site that he believes himself to have “a clean and good track record.” Okay, sure. And getting funds shouldn’t be too difficult, given TT’s “business contacts and high-net-worth relationships.”
Ex-Citi Hot Shot Thomson Mulls a Private-Equity Comeback [thestreet.com]
BP chief Lord Browne has resigned from his post, to be replaced immediately by Dr. Tony Hayward, amidst accusations that he used company money to support (and woo) his partner of four years, Jeff Chevalier. The allegations against Browne include:
• BP resources were diverted for Mr. Chevalier’s use, and he was given computers and technical support staff while a company was set up for him involving BP personnel (Lord Browne is said to have helped set up a company for him to trade in mobile phone ring-tones, with Lord Browne and another executive from BP as directors.)
• A senior member of BP staff was tasked with running personal errands for Lord Browne, including delivering cash to his former lover.
• The BP chief paid for Mr. Chevalier’s studies, as well as a large sum over their four years together.
• Browne discussed EU policy and Chinese textile quotas with Peter Mandelson, the EU commissioner, and Mandelson’s Brazilian boyfriend Reinaldo.
• A flat in Venice bought by Lord Browne underwent repairs for which the building company presented two bills, one with VAT and one without. Mr. Chevalier claimed Lord Browne paid cash to “dodge” his tax bill.
The couple split in 2006 and as went Browne so (purportedly) went Chevalier’s new lifestyle, which would explain how this story got into all of London’s major newspapers (and now: Dealbreaker.com). Browne commented that “In my 41 years with BP I have kept my private life separate from my business life. I have always regarded my sexuality as a personal matter, to be kept private. It is a matter of deep disappointment that a newspaper group has now decided that allegations about my personal life should be made public.”
Some thoughts:
- It’s difficult to actually keep one’s private life separate from one’s business life when one’s business life is paying for one’s private life (say that five times fast).
- This may actually just be a case of the age-old American mix-up: Gay or Brit? And Chevalier is just a (well-compensated) business associate.
- Todd Thomson can’t win at anything.
- If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times: if you pay for it yourself, you’re in the clear! (Source: Everyday Business, with Wayne Pace).
BP chief lied over affair with gay lover [This Is London]
BP’s CEO to Step Down Immediately Amid Revelations of Private Life [WSJ]
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
