Ed. note: This is a new weekly column by Elie Mystal, Managing Editor of Above the Law Redline, wrapping up the week that was in law and finance. Elie is not a practicing attorney, and anything he says that you listen to can and will be used against you.
The Only Issue I Care About This Week: We Have Better Things to Do Than Prosecute Insider Trading. That’s the title of a Justin Fox article in the Harvard Business Review. Sadly, I think he’s right.
In broad strokes the world can be divided up into three types of people:
* Group 1: Yokels who hear “insider trading” and shout “rabble rabble” at someplace they think is called “Wall Street” while they sharpen their pitchforks.
* Group 2: Wealthy elites and their media spokespeople who believe insider trading is a “victimless crime” as if Peter Gibbons from Office Space is their spirit totem.
* Group 3: Prosecutors who want to be Governors and are trying to shore up the yokel vote.
It’s all terrible. EVERYBODY IS WRONG ALL THE TIME. The people who care about rich people “cheating” don’t even understand what insider trading is anymore. The people who cheat have priced in the risk of getting caught. Over-matched regulators bite at the ankles of symptoms while being totally unable to address root causes.
I believe that we could live in a world where people who trade on material non-public information suffered criminal penalties severe enough to make them stop. But I also believe the Mets are one bat away from being a contender. Reality, it turns out, doesn’t give a crap about what I believe.
The folks over at SumZero have crunched the numbers on their 11,000 members to find out just where you should send your kids if you want them to follow your footsteps into the buy-side at a hedge fund, and you’ll be stunned by the results. Just kidding: Send them to Wharton or Harvard. Or, if possible—or if, say, Wharton or Harvard aren’t, either because you’re kid’s a dolt and/or because you foolishly went to Brown or Binghamton or something, depriving your progeny of that most important gift, legacy status—you could always just ship them off to Colgate which, on account of its size, doesn’t have many alums at the best fund, but which Sabermetrically blows everyone out of the water. The place down the road from Harvard’s not a bad choice, either. Nor is Mike Bloomberg’s alma mater. Read more »
- The lines “I’m a viper in a boardroom and a tiger in the sack,” “A piss is the only thing I’ll take sitting down,” and “You say babies are for girls, business is for boys, try telling that to my stay-at-home f*cktoy”
- The starring “bitch” cracking an actual whip
- A bunch of CBS dudes washing a car shirtless, save for red pleather (?) vests
- The aforementioned dudes pawing at each other in an inflatable pool while CBS women smoke cigars and throw cash at them
- What appears to be extremely high production value (and possible use of a green screen)!
Is Duke’s Fuqua School of Business the best business school in the country? According to BusinessWeek, which has jumped on the ranking of MBA programs bandwagon, yes. Obviously, many of you are going to have thoughts about this as well as other things on the list that may have touched a nerve (perceived slights like finding out your alma mater is not in the top ten or making the top three but having to suffer the indignity of an inferior institution being too close for comfort). We’re listening.
20. University of Virginia, Darden School of Business
19. University of California, Berkeley, Haas School of Business
18. Emory University, Goizueta Business School
17. University of Maryland, Smith School of Business
16. Indiana University, Kelley School of Business
15. Dartmouth College, Tuck School of Business
14. Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Sloan School of Management
13. Cornell University, Johnson Graduate School of Management
12. University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Kenan-Flagler Business School
11. University of California, Los Angeles, Anderson School of Management
Read more »
Sure, sure: The nation’s first business is famous for producing famous financiers. But there’s more going on over at Huntsman Hall and Steiny-D, its newly-minted dean will have you know! Like, uh, financial entrepreneurship. Oh yea, and financial analytics and financial innovation and financial technology, to say nothing (it’s better that way) about actuarial science or football and basketball players “studying” marketing. Read more »
…or whatever your friends have registered for in lieu of a KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer and towels. Read more »