Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 4.39.43 PMAttention, UK nightclub owners: put your bottle of bubbly on ice. Alex Pope, the Brit whose spending habits raised suspicion several years back, which turned out to be funded by scamming investors, will want that shit chilled when he springs out of the joint seven years hence. Read more »

Triple A!

Triple A!

Moody’s, S&P and Fitch took a lot of flak for being a little too optimistic about the creditworthiness of derivatives before those derivatives proved anything but creditworthy. S&P got sued over it, but there may have been other motivations for that, and the other two, as well as the industry as a whole, more or less got away scot-free.

Well, S&P and Fitch—and smaller, insignificant players in the space—are back up to their old tricks, Moody’s huffs in a new report. Read more »

  • 30 Jan 2015 at 3:00 PM

Preet Bharara Does Not Need This Shit

Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 1.56.10 PMThe four guys who got to retract their guilty pleas to the crime earlier this month? Yea, they won’t have to enter new pleas of any kind—unless the Second Circuit Court of Appeals sees the error of its ways, or the Supreme Court sees said error. Read more »

Doesn't have to go home... yet.

Doesn’t have to go home… yet.

Francisco Illarramendi ran a hedge fund whose strategy was to steal about $400 million from Venezuela’s national oil company. This is illegal in the United States, and that is a lot of money—even if his lawyers say Illarramendi’s was the first Ponzi scheme in history to turn a profit for investors. And so instead of six months of house arrest before being deported, Illarramendi will be wearing an orange jumpsuit for 13 years before being deported. Read more »

  • 30 Jan 2015 at 12:15 PM

You Can Go Ahead And Cancel Your Spotify IPO Party

I'm sorry, kids. We're just going to have to throw away all of the decorations you made.

I’m sorry, kids. We’re just going to have to throw away all of the decorations you made.

At the very least, you’re going to have to rebook the room for sometime next year, because unlike certain burger chains, Spotify doesn’t need the public markets to scrounge for nine figures. Read more »

  • 30 Jan 2015 at 11:11 AM

Call The (Shake Shack) Close (UPDATE)

shake shackUPDATE: And the winner is shackiswack, with a guess of $45.90 @ 3:45PM! Get in touch to claim your prize.

Danny Meyer’s hot dog stands went public today. Get your close guesses in by 3:45PM, using standard Price Is Right rules. Winner receives his or her choice of a Shack gift card or Shack coasters, which we just found out today are a thing. Read more »

A Spokane, Wash., resident named Lisa Brown said after she called Comcast to cut her bill, her husband’s name was changed from Ricardo Brown to “A- -hole Brown.” ven worse, Comcast wouldn’t change the name despite her calls and a visit to the office. Comcast finally apologized after the incriminating bill was posted on, a consumer advocate blog. “We have spoken with our customer and apologized for this completely unacceptable and inappropriate name change,” Comcast said in a statement. “We have zero tolerance for this type of disrespectful behavior and are conducting a thorough investigation to determine what happened. [NYP]

  • 29 Jan 2015 at 3:36 PM

Cheech And Chong Go To The New York Stock Exchange

Still looking for the right business partners.

Still looking for the right business partners.

There is still, to the best of our knowledge, no such thing as a pot hedge fund. But soon there will be pot stocks, which means that a pot hedge fund cannot be far off. To say nothing of pot analysts. And pot ETFs. And pot mutual funds. Read more »