Let’s say you’re a lady, working in the business world. You want to get ahead but doing so by conventional means like working hard is such hard work and we live in a patriarchal society that will always value the penis over performance. Just what’s a girl to do? The Wall Street Journal suggests putting on a pair of stilettos, because “high heels indicate power,” so much so that you might even morph into a man.
But it’s not just the added height that’ll get you to the top of our next bonus bumper. It’s that high heels offer an “inherent contradiction” (am I tall or am I short, I do not know). According to the Journal, ‘lettos “make us more fragile, but conquering them to stride alongside men in their sensible flats creates mystique.” This is not a joke—men will marvel—yes marvel— at the fact that you can walk just as fast as them—if not faster— in those things. Some—the ones who believe that hobbits are real—will scratch their heads and say, “She must have magic feet.” Ca-ching.
Kristen Bentz, who worked at Lehman Brothers for several years, recalls a senior executive stepping into an elevator, staring at her chocolate-brown crocodile four-inch pointy-toe pumps and asking, “Where do the toes go?” He was confused, scared and turned on. Ca-ching. (What he—Dick Fuld, one presumes—didn’t know, was that Ms. Bentz does not in fact have toes).
