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John Paulson Has Had Better Days

Between a rock and a hard place.Also better weeks/months/years. Read more »

a few good menThis is Dennis Lockhart, in a speech from earlier today:

One of my favorite movies is A Few Good Men starring Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise. I’ve seen it five or six times. It’s about the murder of a Marine private down at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base and the trial of two young Marines who thought they were roughing up a slacker under orders. At bottom, it’s about a narrative that does not hold up and hang together.

Obviously, he goes on, and while we weren’t there to hear the remarks live, it seems fairly obvious that Lockhart did the “voices” during the pivotal scenes referenced: Read more »

Ben LorelloJust think of all the pearls of wisdom these kids could’ve received! Charlie Gasparino reports: Read more »

Paul Singer Has A Plan

Well, if you wouldn't mind...It’s easy. Step one: Buy credit default swaps. Step two: Sue to have company whose CDS you own put into bankruptcy against its will and before your swaps expire.

Elliott Management Corp. has been adding to derivatives trades that would pay off if Caesars Entertainment Corp. defaults as the hedge fund helps orchestrate a bankruptcy plan for the casino operator’s biggest unit, according to two people with knowledge of the trading.

Step three: Righteously insist that the above makes no sense whatsoever. Step four: Laugh maniacally and count your money. Read more »

  • 08 Dec 2014 at 3:15 PM

Just An FYI For Next Time

imgresBehold, what clearly deserves a place in the Top 10 of excuses offered re: misunderstandings re: sexual harassment on Wall Street:

One female employee at CTPartners alleged Jeremy Robertson, who works in the firm’s hedge fund practice, called himself “daddy” and said he wanted to spank her. When she complained to Vice Chairman Burke St. John, he dismissed the matter due to a “language barrier,” even though Robertson’s first language is English, according to her statement in the EEOC complaint.

Also, penis shadows: Read more »

  • 08 Dec 2014 at 2:25 PM

Bonus Watch ’14: Morgan Stanley

This could be you.

This could be you.

Exciting news from the House o’ Gorman: employees will get more actual money come bonus time, like the kind you can use, touch, roll around in and less of the kind that’s just sort of theoretical. Read more »

Opening Bell: 12.8.14

vladimir-putinUBS Turns to Artificial Intelligence to Advise Clients (Bloomberg)
UBS, facing the threat of competition from Google Inc. (GOOGL) and Inc., has turned to a Singapore-based technology company that uses artificial intelligence for help delivering personalized advice to the bank’s wealthy clients. Sqreem Technologies Pte. Ltd. beat some 80 teams competing in the Innovation Challenge, a contest organized by Switzerland’s biggest bank that offered S$40,000 ($30,000) and a potential contract to the winner. Their task: Extract the information most relevant to an individual client from an explosion of data and deliver this tailored content to clients’ mobile phones, iPads and other digital devices. “Banking is one of the most rudimentary industries when it comes to digitalization,” Dirk Klee, chief operating officer for UBS wealth management and responsible for digital initiatives, said in an interview. “EBay, Amazon – everything is getting more and more digital. The question is how we translate this into a similar experience for our clients.”

Banks Urge Big Customers to Take Cash Elsewhere or Be Slapped With Fees (WSJ)
Banks are urging some of their largest customers in the U.S. to take their cash elsewhere or be slapped with fees, citing new regulations that make it onerous for them to hold certain deposits. The banks, including J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., Citigroup Inc., HSBC Holdings PLC, Deutsche Bank AG and Bank of America Corp. , have spoken privately with clients in recent months to tell them that the new regulations are making some deposits less profitable, according to people familiar with the conversations.

Bafin exonerates Deutsche Bank’s Jain in Libor probe: Handelsblatt (Reuters)
German financial watchdog Bafin has found that Deutsche Bank co-Chief Executive Anshu Jain was neither aware nor part of possible attempts at the German lender to manipulate interest rates, German newspaper Handelsblatt reported. After a two-year investigation, Bafin concluded there was no evidence the bank’s board members participated in or knew about any possible interest rate manipulation efforts, the German business daily said, citing unnamed financial sources.

Merkel Takes Tougher Line on Neighbors’ Plans in Deficit Fight (Bloomberg)
German Chancellor Angela Merkel increased pressure on France and Italy to deliver extra economic reforms in exchange for more time to meet budget targets. The European Commission “has made clear that that, which until now has been on the table, isn’t enough,” Merkel said in an interview with Die Welt am Sonntag. “I would subscribe to that view.”

Credit Suisse evaluates prime brokerage business as part of October cuts: source (Reuters)
Credit Suisse AG is considering scaling down its prime brokerage business as part of already announced efforts to reduce risk in its investment banking division, a person familiar with the matter told Reuters. Credit Suisse like many investment banks is reconciling its ambitions with increased regulation.

Nebraska Player Jack Gangwish Takes Selfie With Raccoon, Kills It After He’s Bitten (AP)
A Nebraska football player on Wednesday took a roadside selfie with a raccoon, but says he unintentionally killed the animal after it bit him on the calf, according to reports. Jack Gangwish, a defensive end, told local paper The Lincoln Journal Star he knew the raccoon would have to be tested for rabies, so he attempted to subdue it with a wrench from his truck. The animal died, however. “It was a raccoon selfie gone completely wrong,” Gangwish told the paper. He said the animal is being tested. Read more »