Gather ’round, Securities and Exchange Commission.
With a wildcard.
Well, that was fast.
According to Charlie Gasparino, the banks may or may not see cuts next year.
You can stop freaking out. We solved the whole thing and it’s actually quite a touching story.
Not in, like a sketchy way, just in a good at finding things/the answer to this sort of stuff has previously been “in his garage.”
Part II of the Fed’s stress tests results are out and the good news is that 28 banks passed and Mike Corbat can unpack his things. The less good news is that Brian Moynihan’s silent prayer to get lucky just once, just to see what it feels like, was not granted.
The event has been described as being “like a buffet,” if you’re used to eating at a buffet that serves Alaskan king crab legs and singles* looking to do some extreme mingling. (*Marrieds also welcome.)
Keeping his limited edition Captain America dolls in the original packaging? Big deal. Global warming? NBD.
He’s onto you, Corbat.
In an unimaginable nightmare from which no one can wake, bonuses grew a mere 2% last year.
Viva la bunga bunga parties.
Because, for starters, most Americans don’t know who runs the Fed.
And who the Marriott School of Business needs to screw to make the Top 25.
And apparently the first rule of the new Harbinger Group is that there is no Harbinger group.
Prince Alwaleed and his associates have taken a liking to SnapChat.
He’s looked at the other candidates and decided that he is uniquely qualified to “fix” the mess that HSBC is in that took place while he was a senior executive at the bank.
Settle down Strauss Kahn, he said “sort of.”
Apparently these things are viewed as a bigger deal than Flávio Roberto de Souza previously thought.
According to a new report, divorces are bad for hedge fund managers but getting married is even worse.
And he’d like to get in on that.