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Tom Brady Shares His Old Resumé [Deadspin]

Opening Bell: 09.18.14

Alibaba IPO Gives Insiders Rare Chance to Sell Early (WSJ)
A swath of early investors in Alibaba Group Holding Ltd. will be able to sell more than $8 billion worth of shares on the day the Chinese e-commerce company goes public, an unusual arrangement that is influencing how bankers price the offering. Insiders and other investors in companies staging initial public offerings are generally required to hold on to shares for several months, in “lockup” arrangements banks design to help protect the stock’s price in its early days. But with Alibaba, a number of shares equal to about a third of what could be sold in the deal aren’t covered by such restrictions, according to the company’s public filings. In contrast, no pre-IPO shares of Facebook Inc. were allowed to be traded when the social-media company made its market debut.

London Finance Empire Seen Dominating After Scots Vote (Bloomberg)
The Scottish nationalists’ narrative is that of London as disinterested overseer, having shrunk from what Salman Rushdie in the “Satanic Verses” described as the “capital of vilayat” (foreign) for the once-colonized, to the capital of the shriveled Great Britain. At stake is London’s relationship to what remains: Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and those scattered appendages of past glory, the 14 British Overseas Territories, which replicated and improved on the financial secrecy of the City to become outposts of London’s empire of money. Bloated with the talented young and the moneyed old, London, at least in the measurable currency of investment and capital, is impervious to the departure of Scotland. “London’s power is also from other metrics, like the concentration of state-funded institutions, or the diversity of its population,” said Richard Bell, a professor at the University of Maryland in College Park who teaches a course on London and the British Empire. “London will continue to hold a special place in the global imagination, even though it may be modestly diminished economically.”

Charlie Gasparino Weighs In On Hedge Fund Manager AssGate (Twitter, earlier)

Jobless Claims in U.S. Decline to Two-Month Low of 280,000 (Bloomberg)
The number of Americans filing applications for unemployment benefits plunged last week to a two-month low, a sign the labor market continues to strengthen. Jobless claims decreased by 36,000 to 280,000 in the period ended Sept. 13, the Labor Department said today in Washington. The median forecast of 52 economists surveyed by Bloomberg called for a decline to 305,000. Those already collecting unemployment benefits fell to a more than seven-year low.

Fed Plots Cautious Course on Rate Rises (WSJ)
The Federal Reserve took two steps toward winding down the historic easy-money policies that have defined its response to the financial crisis, but stopped short of the move markets are awaiting most: signaling when interest rates will start to rise. With the economy gradually improving, U.S. central-bank officials plan to end the bond-buying program known as quantitative easing after October, hoping to finally stop expanding a six-year experiment in monetary policy that has left the Fed holding more than $4 trillion of Treasury and mortgage bonds. The Fed on Wednesday also detailed a new technical plan for how it will raise short-term interest rates, something most officials currently don’t intend to do until next year. The central bank has kept the federal-funds rate near zero since December 2008 and offered assurances along the way about rates remaining low, another part of its varied efforts to boost the post-financial-crisis economy.

Man Says Stripper Chocolate Chambers Robbed Him Outside Club Boom Boom (TSG)
A South Carolina man told cops that a stripper known as Chocolate Chambers robbed him early yesterday after he refused to buy her an expensive drink inside Club Boom Boom. Derrick Lashawn Sinclair, 31, told police that he was attacked by Chambers late Monday night when he exited the Spartanburg nightspot. The woman, Sinclair said, pounced and “next thing I know I’m on the floor, she knocked me down and took my money.” Sinclair said that his cash was inside a “crown bag,” an apparent reference to the velvet bag in which Crown Royal whiskey is packaged. Police noted that Sinclair smelled of booze and “spoke with a slurred speech” when reporting the attack by Chambers, whom he described as a black female. Sinclair acknowledged that he was still “timpsy” from the prior night’s revelry. Read more »

Write-Offs: 09.17.14

$$$ Blockbuster launches dominate new funds landscape [HFI]

$$$ Fed Cautious On Rate Strategy [WSJ]

$$$ SEC’s Alibaba Structure Review Inadequate, Senator Says [Bloomberg]

$$$ High-Frequency Firm Found Clever Way to Save on Capital [BloombergView/Matt]

$$$ Agitated Woman Vows To Poop On Inconsiderate Dog Owners’ Yards [HP] Read more »

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Or any other kind of food-service establishment. Because it’s been done, competition is “for losers,” and he is an innovator Except for that time he opened that hedge fund, when he apparently forgot that other people had already invented hedge funds. Read more »

Stumpf, responding to a question about Buffett at the National Press Club in Washington today, said the world’s third-richest person dined on a T-bone steak cooked medium rare, a side of chicken parmigiana, mashed potatoes and a Cherry Coke. Buffett, 84, runs Berkshire Hathaway Inc., the largest shareholder in San Francisco-based Wells Fargo. “Warren eats a full meal, let me tell you,” said Stumpf, 61. “When the food comes, Warren grabs a salt shaker in his left hand and one in his right hand, and it’s a snowstorm. And I know a snowstorm when I see one because I’m from Minnesota.” Stumpf said he suggested Buffett, whose preference for hamburgers over vegetables is part of his folksy persona, should cut back on the sodium and get a checkup with his doctor. [Bloomberg]

  • 17 Sep 2014 at 4:26 PM

One Fund Manager Is In Favor Of Scottish Independence

And he’s going to vote for it tomorrow, too, just as soon as he gets off the plane from London, where he lives. His brother, who doesn’t have to travel to get to the country Mark Bathgate would like to see on its own two feet, and who even has a more Scottish-sounding name, is less eager for freeeeedom. Read more »

By day, Brian H. Lederman works as a managing director for Swiss Performance Management & Fiduciary.* By night (and maybe also by day), he grabs women’s asses. He grabs them on the subway, on the sidewalk, while waiting in line for the bathroom, and on his way out of the club. He grabs them in the rain, on the train, here and there and anywhere. If there were a category for grabbing asses, he’s undoubtedly be the Guinness Book of World Records holder. That is to say, he grabs a lot of asses. And while most people would not be able to keep track of all the asses they’d grabbed in their lifetime, Lederman claims he’s never forgotten an ass, which was an essential piece of his recent defense against allegations that he’d grabbed one at Lucky Strike earlier this week. Read more »

Just kidding, he actually thinks the entire operation is a joke and went on CNBC to say as much, where he noted that the only conceivable way he could see the company turning things around would be if literally everyone working for it was fired. Read more »