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  • 21 Nov 2014 at 4:30 PM

Deal Judge: We’re Going To Need A New Master of Coin

Elie's idea of an Icelandic prison.

Elie’s idea of an Icelandic prison.

Ed. note: This is a new weekly column by Elie Mystal, Managing Editor of Above the Law Redline, wrapping up the week that was in law and finance. Elie is not a practicing attorney, and anything he says that you listen to can and will be used against you.

Issue #1: How can you get a permit to do a damned illegal thing?

Bitcoins are a “real” commodity, so says the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. Commissioner Mark Wetjen “I do believe we have the authority because if you think of any reasonable reading of our statute, bitcoin classifies as a commodity, “I do believe we have the authority because if you think of any reasonable reading of our statute, bitcoin classifies as a commodity.”

Well maybe if Wetjen wishes really, really hard, Tinkerbell will spring to life and sprinkle enough regulatory pixie dust to give the CFTC the authority it believes it should have. Read more »

Happy Early Hannukah.To be fair, great idea though it may be, it is available only to a very limited set of investors, in this case a set of one. But if you can’t beat the Brotherhood of the Sach—and you cannot—you can at least join them in shorting the euro, buying 10-year T-bills at between 2% and 3%, and siding with nickel over copper. Also: Read more »

  • 21 Nov 2014 at 3:12 PM

Mathew Martoma Is In Miami

martomaUnfortunately, this is a business, not pleasure trip: yesterday marked Day 1 of 3,285 of his sentence for orchestrating the largest insider trading scheme ever. Read more »

credit suisseWhich was nice of her, in the event the bank is running low on funds and needs to move some assets around/pay a visit to the neighborhood pawn shop/etc. Every day the payment is late, though, interest rates start kicking in and Brady Dougan is paid a visit by a guy named Bunky. Read more »

Would not be caught dead in that warehouse of mediocrity on the UES.The Carlyle Group co-founder is a man of refinement and taste who is more or less single-handedly preserving America’s cultural heritage, such as it is. But assuming Warren Buffett’s glittering eyes were pointed in his direction when he compared Berkshire Hathaway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and others as “porn shop owners” who will slap a pair of bigger tits on a painting before selling it to the first guy in a raincoat to come along, Rubenstein isn’t having it, and said as much yesterday. If Berkshire Hathaway’s a big fancy museum on Fifth Avenue, then private equity firms—any, apparently—are an even bigger, fancier museum! A former royal palace! In Paris! Read more »

Britain put in a good faith effort to challenge what it sees as unfair/unrealistic bonus rules from the EU but it’s since been told to sit down and STFU, so: you’re on your own. Read more »

  • 21 Nov 2014 at 12:09 PM

RBS Messed Up But It’s Okay

rbs1-260x175RBS’s full-year 2016 capital ratio under the European Banking Authority’s “Adverse Scenario” is 5.7% versus 6.7% previously reported—meaning the bank just hurdled the minimum 5.5% pass rate. The EBA organized the stress tests, which were aimed to help restore confidence in bank balance sheets. RBS said it erroneously considered around billions of pounds of deferred tax assets as top quality capital. After comparing with other U.K. banks it realized its error and restated the calculation. [WSJ]

Take it or leave it.At a sizeable discount, por favor. Read more »