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One banker, who used to work at Goldman Sachs and now runs his own business, said he gets his wife to iron his shirts nowadays. “At Goldman there was a service in the basement where I dropped my shirts off for a fee, but now I ask Jane to do it for me,” he said. “The wife is doing the ironing,” another banker told us. “She’s not loving it, but she doesn’t want to get a job herself so is having to accept it.” [eFinancial]

Just in the nick of time. Read more »

So you’re telling me this is not a legitimate tap?

Forget gold or diamonds. Maple syrup is the commodity to be stealing these days. Read more »

Apparently, when you’ve accepted responsibility for laundering money for rogue states—and entered into a deferred-prosecution agreement—you can’t turn around and refer to said money-laundering as NBD. Duly noted. Read more »

Florian Homm presumably saw this coming. Read more »

There’s been a lot of fun stuff in the news about Dell recently, in the run-up to tomorrow’s end of the go-shop period on its LBO by Silver Lake and CEO Michael Dell. The Journal today kind of explained why:

People working on potential challenges to the Dell offer say the revelation of information on the background of the deal before the proxy is filed could dissuade counter bids or make it tougher for another party to shore up financing.

Get it? Someone connected with Dell is anonymously flogging its terribleness to any reporter who’ll listen, in order to keep anyone from putting in a higher bid in the next 36 hours. Don’t buy Dell, they whisper. Leave this mess to us. You don’t want to get anywhere near it. Some truly terrible shit is going to come out in the proxy. Like apparently Dell forgot how to make money:

The filing is expected to focus in part on a review of corporate financial forecasts presented to the board starting last summer, the people familiar with the matter said. Dell managers said they expected $5.6 billion in adjusted, or non-GAAP, operating profit for the fiscal year that ends in early 2014, the people said.

But around that time, Dell began badly missing the targets set forth by managers, who were counting on the rollout of Microsoft Corp.’s new Windows 8 operating system and an increase in PC sales to drive Dell’s profits higher in 2014. … Now, rather than the $5.6 billion figure, Dell expects an operating profit closer to $3 billion, its lowest in years ….

To be fair, announcing “we were off by ~40-50% on our earnings estimates but we’ve got them perfect now” is not wholly convincing, and sell-side analysts at least seem to expect rather more than that. Read more »

A person in need of a little guidance could seek advice from Prince Alwaleed bin Talal on any number of topics. Interior design (decorate with an emphasis on clean lines and pictures of yourself, ensuring fellow royalty never forget whose office they are in). Business (keep your employees movitvated with occasional hookah parties and pet falcons). Fashion (don’t be caught dead clashing with your horse). Know-nothing list-makers whose inability to add gives the world the impression you’re some kind of street urchin worth a mere $18 billion (TAKE NO PRISONERS). But the area of expertise closest to his heart? Diet and fitness. The formerly plump prince has loads of wisdom to impart on how to get fit and and stay that way. Herewith, a preview of the tips you’ll find in what we hope will be be a forthcoming series of books and DVDs entitled The Alwaleed Lifestyle. Read more »

The city’s potty-parity rule for offices is getting flushed down the toilet at Nomura’s new headquarters at Worldwide Plaza. The building owner, a group led by George Comfort & Sons, is seeking permission to install far fewer toilets for women on the Japanese financial giant’s lower levels — presumably the male-dominated trading floors. The owners of the 59-story West Side tower want the “water closets and lavatories” on these floors to be divvied up 75/25 because for “certain financial-services operations” the population is historically comprised of 75 percent men and 25 percent women, according to a document filed with the city. All bathroom humor aside, the city’s plumbing code requires that the number of toilets for women be equal to the number of toilets and urinals in men’s restrooms. The owners are getting around the rule by using historical data to show that potty parity doesn’t make sense…Robert Brubaker, program manager for the American Restroom Association, said normally the arguments for restroom inequity involve obvious places such as dorms and prisons. “This is the first time we’ve heard it from a business,” he said. “They could get into a thing where they say they can’t hire more women because they don’t have enough toilets. [NYP]