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Because the bank does not want Judge Astrid Nungesser to do that for it. Read more »

Most of you know or have heard of Preet Bharara in the context of his day job as Manhattan U.S. Attorney. In this role, Bharara investigates and litigates cases against, among others, alleged terrorists, gang members, mobsters and white collar criminals. And while most of his predecessors and colleagues in the Southern District have long viewed their positions with the AG as steppingstones for even more powerful jobs, it’s obvious to onlookers that Bharara has other things in mind for his career.

It’s not that he doesn’t have aspirations–oh, on the contrary, he does. It’s just that they’re less U.S. Attorney General (or Supreme Court Judge) and more Comedy Central Roastmaster. After hinting at the dream for some time– peppering his press conferences with one liners, pausing for dramatic effect, etc– the prosecutor made his intentions quite clear on Monday night, at what Fox Business’s Charlie Gasparino reports was a “roast” for a former co-worker heading into private practice. Read more »

This is all just a big misunderstanding. Read more »

If You Should Happen To Run In To Carl Icahn…

At Marea, perhaps. Or in a rough-and-tumble Queens schoolyard. Or at a hedge-fund conference. Or on Twitter. Wherever. A word to the wise: Don’t try to break the ice with a crack about certain insider-trading investigations involving Uncle Carl and certain famed golfers. Read more »

  • 18 Jul 2014 at 1:04 PM

Chris Christie Needs An Economist

If you’re looking to make a career change and you’ve got a head for numbers, great news: the state of New Jersey is hiring. Even more good news: if you can handle getting your head bit off the first (and hopefully, for your sake, last) time you accidentally address Christie as “boss” (and are subsequently treated to a 10 minute lecture about how “There can only be one ‘Boss,‘ and he hails from Asbury Park; you can call me Governor or Sir”), it shouldn’t be too difficult to exceed expectations, as the last guy set the bar extremely low. Read more »

Opening Bell: 07.18.14

Buffett buys new Cadillac (AP)
Buffett sent his daughter, Susie Buffett, to the dealership to make the purchase. Warren Buffett says the saleswoman did a great job, including recommending that Buffett buy the XTS sedan he picked, not the CTS coupe that Barra had recommended.

Lawsky proposes new Bitcoin rules (NYP)
The proposed rules are the first step in companies obtaining a “BitLicense,” which would pave the way for a regulated exchange of the crypto-currency. The DFS started looking into new bitcoin exchanges for New York after the Japanese digital currency exchange Mt. Gox imploded earlier this year, apparently from hackers stealing $460 million in investor funds. The rules include anti-money laundering provisions that would include the identities and addresses of people trading the currency, as well as receipts for trades totaling more than $10,000 per day.

Ackman says Valeant’s bid for Allergan is a ‘happy’ one (NYP)
Ackman said Thursday he is trying to line up 45 percent of shareholders to call a special meeting to replace six directors — although he only needs 25 percent — because of what he called Allergan’s “unbelievably burdensome” requirements.

Morgan Stanley rebuilds in commodities trading (Reuters)
The Wall Street bank plans to hire about a dozen traders, sales staff and other professionals in the United States. It’s building up commodities trading and financing businesses that can profit despite tougher regulations, people familiar with the matter told Reuters.

A Case That Shows The Limits Of Insider Trading Laws (NYT)
In an unusual move, the judge in the case, Naomi Reice Buchwald, didn’t let most of the case get to the jury. After showing skepticism about the strength of the government’s case almost from the beginning, she dismissed two insider trading counts, leaving only a conspiracy charge for the jury to ponder. But conspiracy to do what? It’s no wonder a jury took less than four hours to find Mr. Rajaratnam innocent…Which raises a question: How might the jury have decided if it was allowed to consider all the evidence? The answer goes far beyond the Rengan Rajaratnam case, and raises some fundamental questions about the state of insider trading laws.

Shark Bites Off More Than It Can Chew, Chokes On Sea Lion (HP)
In a peculiar event that is almost too odd to seem true, a 13-foot great white shark in Australia died after choking on a sea lion. This video of a shark thrashing in shallow waters on Coronation Beach near Geraldton, Western Australia surfaced the day before the same shark washed ashore. “This could explain why the shark was exhibiting such unusual behavior in shallow waters off Coronation Beach. It is possible that the shark was trying to dislodge the blockage,” Dr McAuley, the principal research scientist who investigated the case, said in a Department of Fisheries press release. To make things even more interesting, this shark was also tagged in Southern Australia back in January, proving the incredibly mobile nature of the species. The Department of Fisheries in Western Australia concluded that the sea lion either damaged the shark’s internal organs, or the shark simply became stranded while trying to “get rid of the obstruction.” Read more »

Write-Offs: 07.17.14

$$$ Alibaba Plans IPO for After Labor Day [WSJ]

$$$ Microsoft Just Laid Off Thousands of Employees With a Hilariously Bad Memo [DI]

$$$ JPMorgan’s Dimon Gets $37 Million of Crisis-Era Options [Bloomberg]

$$$ SEC Says House Insider-Trading Probe Involves 44 Funds [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman in Lakewood, Ohio, committed the biggest party foul possible Saturday afternoon when she drove her SUV right into a swimming pool as guests were swimming. [HP] Read more »

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It’s because he has to. Read more »