Dealbreaker

Entry: Mortgage Lenders Get A Taste Of Russian Diplomacy

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 29, 2009 1:39PM

@5 [Greg's "best friend" (i.e., penpal from Nigeria) Ndugu Umbo],

Financial blogging, like football, is a game of inches. Terms like 'bearded clam' and 'colon cleanse' transcend the banal and rocket #2 to comment glory status.

Please attach one end of 20' high-tension wire to genitalia, the other to 45lb. olympic weight, climb to top of 30' village tree, proceed to drop weight.

Entry: How To Pay For Andrew Hall's Bonus

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 29, 2009 1:54PM

from the look of that picture i would suggest that big C offer to pick up the cost of Hall's ongoing chemotherapy treatments in lieu of the bonus..

Entry: Noted Economists Declare Recession Over

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 30, 2009 12:26PM

ME: Young-ish , attractive-ish, blond-ish female.. Quintessence of high fashion with staggering knowledge of split strike conversion investment strategies..

YOU: [handsome, charming, articulate]*, Wealthy, Knows how to treat a women and enjoys paying for her sons' frequent fishing trips.

See you at FMF, daahhling..!

-Ruthie

*not required

Entry: Caption Contest Friday: Anyone Missing An Intern?

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 31, 2009 10:54AM

Can we please get some analysis/commentary from the bestiality expert who posted the 'horse rape' link yesterday of exactly what in tarnation transpired here.

Entry: Now You Bitches Have Done It. You've Messed With Ken Griffin

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 31, 2009 3:07PM

Greggies,

I have just finished making up your bunk bed for you and Chrissy TheoPatrickHaris for the sleepover tonight. Both of you sweetiepies have had a rough week.

Superman sheets top bunk, My Little Pony sheets bottom bunk - just like you two little angels had last weekend.

kisses,
Greg's Mom

p.s. i've already put all your Power Rangers toys in the tub for you and Chris's "battle in bathtub". Oh, how adorable!

Entry: Write-Offs: 07.31.09

posted by NegativeConvexity

Jul 31, 2009 6:00PM

Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.

Dr. Peter Venkman: What?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the Greg Michaels and Equity Private posts.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?

Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

Entry: Nightcap

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 04, 2009 11:47AM

Receipt Guy,

@3 FTWOTD. Your latest opus here is truly inspiring. Select items that resonated with my funny bone in no particular order:

-Burger King mask and airhorn
-Band-aids (1 box)
-Curled toed Genie shoes

Undoubtedly your performance review at work is perennially decorated with lavish praise of stellar attention to detail...

Entry: Things Are Getting Chippy At The Treasury

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 04, 2009 12:24PM

@17,

Nails, despite all the BK, "Cramer is my friend' hogshit, you are still one bad ass MF!!

Entry: Presented Without Comment: FMF

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 05, 2009 3:55PM

I envision one of those Fat Chick Disaster scenarios playing out with this group of slam pigs.

Looking for the ideal photo op, they all waddle down to the dock and step into a boat for the oceanscape pic. Boat starts to list ominously from side to side, then violently capsizes starboard.

All types of fat body parts, knankles, cankles, double chins, double guts, tricep flab.. flailing around in uncoordinated panic...

Camera shot pans out....

Typical DB member on the shore doing absolutely nothing to help desperate fat chicks, rolling around on the sand laughing until he shits himself.

Entry: We Have A Drinking Challenge

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 05, 2009 4:01PM

@38,

Keep up the excellent work! Brutal and hilarious as always, FTW!

Entry: Now Departing On Runway 26, $500 Million Of Your Money

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 07, 2009 11:45AM

Dems = Repubs = lying & thieving miscreants

green pus discharge from Abby Joe Cohen's penis > Dems & Repubs > going long C common

Entry: Say It Isn't So!

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 12, 2009 11:16AM

Ackman, you pussified choade-wad. Real men don't choke up in tears over the vicissitudes of investing in retail.

We gut it the fuck out, just like that lucky prick Eli Manning and his black swan win over the Pats. Manning bros. douches..

-E. Lampert

Entry: Say It Isn't So!

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 12, 2009 11:47AM

@8,

Real men sometimes get kidnapped by The Empire and frozen in carbon. Hey, shit happens..

The main thing is to never walk in on a wookiee while he is throttling his meat blaster....

-Han

Entry: Where You Can Get A Handbridge

posted by NegativeConvexity

Aug 20, 2009 11:19AM

Howdy folks! My name is Ethel Burgess. I am a retiree living with my husband Frank just outside Pompano Beach Florida. Last weekend I decided to take my financial well-being into my own hands and do my own research on the internet.

Well, I found this Wall Street blog named Dealbreaking to learn all about money stuff. It wasn’t what I expected, to say the least. Evidently, these are the lessons that I should be cognizant of:

• Members of this forum are apparently starting a hedge fund, but have yet to agree on their logo and mission statement
• Hormone pills are all the rage in Stamford, Connecticut; I will avoid going there
• Beware of a strange Muppet named Dennis who does bad things to innocent collie dogs
• That horrible Madoff man had an affair and the only food he fed his mistress was small wieners
• Greg Michaels is a hard-hitting journalist who focuses on the serious topics at Dealbreaking. I think he is the leader there. Also, he is a great family boy, always keeping in touch with his Mom.
• I don’t know about CFA vs MBA, but AARP gets me the best discounts
• Boone’s wine is what CEO’s like to drink; I will buy some for my Frank
• UBS sucks!

I am going to stop typing now as my arthritic fingers have seized up.

Entry: Galleon Closing Up Shop

posted by NegativeConvexity

Oct 21, 2009 11:29AM

I picture this bloke's unit as a darker version of Madoff's microscopic hor d'oeurves sausage weiner.

Moreover, his ball sack is one of those that contain no testicles, just a shrunken little flap of elbow skin..

Entry: Caption Contest Friday: How Can We Get Back To Here?

posted by NegativeConvexity

Nov 06, 2009 2:23PM

"Man, i can't believe this.. Manny has only been finger-banging my sphincter for like under 5 mins and just passes out like that..."

Zvi: "Let me just stretch out here a sec and then i'll finish ya off"

Entry: Bill Gates Thinks You Make Too Much Money

posted by NegativeConvexity

Nov 12, 2009 11:50AM

This paradigm inevitably asserts itself when you sit on the board of BRK for too long. This idea does not come originally from BG, he is merely a proxy.

Firms exist to maximize profit for shareholders. Attracting top talent needs to be balanced with overpaying and reckless risk seeking behavior.

This issue is ambiguous at best - the only unequivocal thing i know in life is this: UBS sucks!

Entry: Goldman Sachs Stiffs Kittens

posted by NegativeConvexity

Nov 12, 2009 11:56AM

I would advise depositing these little pests in a sealed burlap sack and tossing them Olympian Discus style into the Hudson.

On the other hand, if the momma cat had given birth to a flock of little egrets then i know of a special inmate who would nurture them into fine hedge fund managers...

Entry: Paulson Thinks He Can Make Three Times His Money On Bank of America

posted by NegativeConvexity

Nov 18, 2009 11:00AM

Bernanke is holding rates artificially low with precisely this objective in mind. The Kilimanjaro-steepness of the yield curve is designed to bail out the financial sector by earning the balance sheet back into health.

In 1H09 BAC's deposits & fed funds went to $1.163tr from $978b in 1H08, yet interest expense went DOWN from $15.3b to $8.2b.

You can't fuck with that.