brianvan's Profile
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Entry: Opening Bell: 3.18.08
posted by brianvan
Mar 18, 2008 8:39AM
//threadjack
Goldman and Lehman both beat market estimates. Mortgage write-downs were modest, only half the rumored numbers flying around. Both are up in futures trading.
Get off me, son! Bear is Bear, Lehman is not Bear, Goldman is not Bear. No more bailouts needed, Mr. Bernanke. kthxbye.
Entry: Up in Smoke: How That Big Scungili Head Cayne Wrecked Bear
posted by brianvan
Mar 26, 2008 3:21PM
Hmm, scungilli? I love it when to you talk to me in Italian, Bess. Gimme your best va fangul.
Entry: Tools Of The Week: Making Your Hedge Fund $$$
posted by brianvan
Mar 26, 2008 5:20PM
Dealbreaker.com - Your news source for tools
Entry: Lehman Brothers, Battered By Rumors, Starts Recovering
posted by brianvan
Mar 27, 2008 4:03PM
Lehman Brothers to announce substantial losses tomorrow. That is, someone lost the scissors from the copy room on the 24th floor. RUN ON THE BANK!
Why would LEH announce more write-downs today? Middle of the week. Quarterly results just published nine days ago. Is everyone on Wall St. retarded all of a sudden?
Oh, wait, yeah they are. Same traders who went long on mortgages going short on LEH. Guess that tells me what to do! Muhahahahaha!
Entry: We're only 2 comments away from breaking 100.
posted by brianvan
Mar 28, 2008 4:23PM
Great filler post. Show us your bewbs next week around Friday 4pm.
(I am proud to have helped make 100 happen)
Entry: Why A Fannie Mae Conservatorship Is Appealing To Bush Administration
posted by brianvan
Jul 11, 2008 10:03AM
Right, humiliation is the way to go. It's not like they've already escaped with the money from their overinflated salaries... hit em where it hurts, their pride.
Fucking retarded. Thank God this administration is on their way out.
Entry: My Brain Hurts
posted by brianvan
Jul 14, 2008 2:10PM
I didn't know Nick Denton had posting privileges here
Entry: UBS Exiting Business Of Providing Off-Shore Banking Services To US Clients
posted by brianvan
Jul 17, 2008 12:55PM
Don't you know this hurts the American economy? That will be $100 billion per YEAR less that wealthy Americans will spend on the kinds of things that create jobs and wealth for disenfranchised people in this country. You know, like Big Macs and housekeeping services. This is clearly a move by the terrorists.
Entry: Lehman To Cut 1000 1500 Jobs
posted by brianvan
Aug 28, 2008 2:42PM
@7 yeah he gets his bad news in the 4th quarter! Muhahaha.
Entry: Speaking Of Pec-Whaling
posted by brianvan
Sep 09, 2008 4:08PM
Get it right! It's va fungul; derived from Va' fa' un culo which loosely translated is what every commenter on Dealbreaker wants to do to Bess.
Entry: Speaking Of Pec-Whaling
posted by brianvan
Sep 09, 2008 4:14PM
@ #6: Dude you're a sick fuck. It's Hershey's Chocolate and Berkshire Hathaway stock certificates.
Entry: Why Do Rogue Traders Always Lose Money?
posted by brianvan
Feb 28, 2008 12:09PM
If you skirt the rules and wind up making money in the process, then the company will sponsor a party for you with the "ass-to-ass" strippers.