questions

How to Think About Making Fun of Portly Yet Successful People

It was recently suggested by someone too close to the matter for objectivity that I, as in Bess Levin, am “unnecessarily harsh” on Steve, as in Steve Cohen. “You’re always calling him fat or bald” said the person with eyes. Obviously, my initial reaction was “watchu talkin’ about Willis?” because I can’t remember the last time I called the Big Guy (BG) fat. “Fine, rotund, portly. You called him ‘portly’ just today,” his mother countered. In his mind, he had won this “You’re too mean to Steve” argument and there was nothing I could do to sway him (he didn’t believe me when I said I described the BG as rotund so as to paint him as a distinguished gentlemen, a man of wealth and taste, or that I just wanted to know, not for fat reasons but just because I was interested, if the BG ordered out three Monte Cristos and a coke yesterday or four, in light of the circumstances, those being that SAC had really shitty offerings for lunch), so I did what any person faced with an insurmountable obstacle of words placed before her would do, and signed offline. Dramatically. Without saying goodbye. I had won the war.
But now, thinking about it, I wonder, am I unnecessarily harsh on Steve Cohen? One could theorize that with these posts I’m doing the whole “pull the BG’s ponytail on the playground,” but that doesn’t really work, for several but one notable reason in particular.
What the leading light complaining to me doesn’t realize is something the Big Guy surely does and appreciates: With a few exceptions (Timmay, Blarney, Alexey), being mocked by Ms Levin is one of the great trappings of big-swinging-dickdom that very few ever achieve (Crab Hands, Fatty, ValueStockTipguy). I know nothing about Wall Street, so if I have heard of you, you’re big. But Stef-Boy (people think he is called Stevie, but his true friends know otherwise) won’t come out of his hermetically-sealed full-body condom to clarify this matter on my behalf so I’ll leave it to all of you to decide by poll. Am I too mean to him? If yes, you had better come up with somebody else for me to mock or I will find you and make you my next bitch. If no, congratulations, you answered correctly.
(Eff the Vizu poll. And not because it doesn’t let you use curse words — though you know that grinds my gears — but because I want a forum. The Internet is a collaborative medium; as far as I can tell I’m the only one doing the work here. Except this guy:)

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