always with the three names

  • 09 Aug 2011 at 10:17 AM

Financial Services Employee Who Inserted His DNA Into A Colleague’s Water Bottle Ordered To Pay $13,500 Per Shot

By Bess Levin

It probably wouldn’t be too out of bounds to say that at least a handful of you have considered jerking off in a coworker’s water bottle. Conservatively. As prudent risk managers however, you’ve held off until you could quantify how much non-reward you would be getting with each unit of risk. Finally, and not a moment too soon for some, we got answers. Continue reading »

  • 26 Apr 2011 at 10:28 AM

Financial Services Employee Who Inserted His DNA Into A Co-Workers Water Bottle Gets Jail Time

By Bess Levin

If you’ve been wondering lately whether or not you’d actually go to jail for putting semen- your own or otherwise- into the water bottle of an unsuspecting coworker, but felt weird about asking and didn’t want to arouse suspicion, wonder no longer. Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who last January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague’s desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more “material” in the same lady’s drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions, as well as performing a blind taste test at home using a sample obtained from her fiancee? He pleaded guilty in February and was sentenced last week to time in jail, among other things. Continue reading »

  • 04 Mar 2011 at 3:31 PM

Wachovia Employee Admits To Convincing Clients To Put $14.1 Million In Wealth Management Fund Bank Didn’t Actually Offer

By Bess Levin

Like most people who do these sorts of things, Linda Speaks Tribby had a good excuse, which is that she needed the money to buy a helicopter and a motor home, two purchases that seem slightly at odds but the heart wants what it wants. Continue reading »

  • 14 Sep 2010 at 4:58 PM

Financial Services Employee Who Didn’t Know There Were Rules Against Putting Your DNA In A Co-Worker’s Water Bottle Pleads Not Guilty

By Bess Levin

Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who in January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague’s desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more “material” in the same lady’s drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions? He’s pleaded not guilty to six misdemeanors. Continue reading »

  • 18 Aug 2010 at 9:30 AM
  • MBAs

Financial Services Rep Not Aware Putting His DNA In Co-Worker’s Water Was Something His Office Frowned Upon

By Bess Levin

These days, if you work on Wall Street and want to let people know that underneath that button down shirt and black pants beats the heart of an absolute freak, you’ve got to step up your game. If you’re going to get your name out there, it’s not enough to simply sexually assault a female colleague– you’ve got to manhandle her breasts with your feet. It’s not enough to sodomize an underling, you’ve also got to piss in his mouth. And if you’re going to “release an offensive material in a public space”– in this case, the material your semen– that space must be your co-worker’s water bottle. Twice. Michael Kevin Lallana knows what we’re talking about. Continue reading »