And not getting your weave knocked off by crazed shoppers. (2:10)
animals
Very judge-y furry animals. Continue reading »
Wall Street loves to describe itself as various animals. Given. You’ve got your bulls and bears of course, but many firms like to put their own original spin on things. For instance, at Bridgewater, employees are told to “be the hyena, attacking the wildebeest.” And at Bank of America, according to a new book by Greg Farrell, at least under the regime of Ken Lewis and his underboss Steele Alphin, they were wolves. Continue reading »
Broker Sued For Taking Assistant For A Spin On The Trading Floor, Manhandling Her Breasts With His Foot
By Bess Levin
It’s no secret that there’s something about trading that just makes you want to dance your ass off. You’re sitting there, buying, selling, harassing a Bloomberg help desk associate when all of a sudden, you get that urge, that stirring, down in your plums. You try to suppress it but you can’t. It’s an itch you need to scratch. A little foot tapping and finger snapping isn’t enough. The only thing that will satisfy this craving is you, jumping up on your desk and shaking it.
At some of the tri-state area’s more cutting-edge firms, this biological need has not only been acknowledged but accepted and incorporated into the trading day. In fact, at one of the industry’s most successful hedge funds, the trading floor is equipped with disco balls that descend from the ceiling when they sense a certain level of hip gyrations, while the rest of the lights dim and house music starts blasting, like bham bham bhamb and boom boom boom. It’s also not unusual to see a bunch of traders shimmying down the floor like gay chorus line circa 3PM and while I shouldn’t tell you this, has long thought to be the secret to this firm’s success.
Having said all that, if dancing is not an institutionalized thing at your place of business, it can catch some employees off guard and not in a good way. Animal Marcus Bolton knows what we’re talking about.
A British chief executive and his company are being sued for $20million (£12.8m) after a tango dance on the trading floor allegedly led to the sexual assault of a 27-year-old assistant. Marcus Bolton, 45, the head of Tullett Prebon Americas Corp, the leading New York brokers, is accused of manhandling Jessica Franqui, leaving her ‘violated’ and ‘humiliated’. The clerk claims she was grabbed by an ‘intoxicated’ Mr Bolton without her permission, who began spinning her around and dipped her so his face was close to his.
Retired Hedge Fund Manager Michael Steinhardt Spends Days Talking To, French Kissing Animals
By Bess Levin
Michael Steinhardt used to run a $4.4 billion hedge fund that typically returned 30% before fees. He shuttered the firm in 1995 and now he fills his days by outbidding Martha Stewart at rare-plant auctions (“Don’t expect to buy much if Michael Steinhardt is there. He buys everything,” she tells people) and tending to a “zoo-sized collection of animals that includes zebras, camels and albino wallabies,” which he communicates with, and gives better loving to, than his wife.
On a recent Friday…He pointed out the barns his wife had built for the animals and showed off a pair of red-ruffed lemurs, the most recent additions to his menagerie of roughly 200 (excluding waterfowl). Mr. Steinhardt mimicked the low honk of a capybara, a large rodent from Central and South America, wandering nearby and said, “And that’s what he has to say!”
He appreciates everything everyone’s done at Citi, but it’s time to move on. Just pack up your shit, and mosey on out of the place. Hit the bricks. Be gone. This has nothing to do with someone itching to reclaim his title as the single largest shareholder of the bank, BTW, or Geithner acting like a priss when asked to clean up AbT’s horse’s shit (though it would’ve been nice if he could’ve checked his attitude at the door). Everyone at Citi has learned their lesson and the adult supervision is no longer necessary. All good in the hood.
“The earlier the U.S. government exits its investments in those companies, the better,” as long as the withdrawal is not done in a way that hurts the prices of U.S. banking stocks, the Saudi billionaire was quoted as saying in an interview published on Sunday.
“We need to give confidence back to the shareholders and investors that these companies are moving along without government support.”
From the Horse’s Mouth [CNBC]
The (non-embeddable) video above ends with Erin Burnett riding a hobby-horse around set. What’s there to add? Just a slight clarification (the head of the riding-stick on which Burnett gallops is that of a unicorn, not an actual horse, though it follows the hobby-horse construct. We’ll call it a Unicorn Stick ‘til you come up with something better) and some instructions (this clip should be viewed backwards, beginning with Erin Burnett shoving the Unicorn Stick between her legs and humping it around the set. The rest is denouement… and bad puns. Fox Business CNBC programming is getting racier every day).
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