balls

  • ferreyr soros

    News

    You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Adriana Ferreyr!

    The judicial system is no impediment for George Soros’s on-again, off-again non-exclusive ex-girlfriend!

    / Feb 6, 2015 at 1:17 PM
  • money-shower

    News

    If You Want A Raise This Year, It Helps To Have A B-School Degree And A Pair Of Testicles

    And despite much talk that women are afraid to ask for more money, PayScale found a relatively small gender gap: 44% of men have requested raises, compared with 42% of women. And the breakdown of who received the full amount of the raise, a partial increase, or nothing at all was also roughly equal. Surprisingly, […]

    / Jan 7, 2015 at 7:01 PM
  • ...actually kind of impressed

    News

    Bank of America Employee’s 2-Part Plan For Extended Vacay Didn’t Take Insurance Fraud Laws Into Account

    Back in 2012, Bank of America branch manager Aurora Barrera was in need of a vacation. She knew a week or two would be nice, but what would be better was the kind where she never had to come back, though continued to get paid. Since HR probably wouldn’t approve of the proposal, she had […]

    / Aug 12, 2014 at 11:59 AM
  • come to papa

    News

    Man Behind Lufthansa Lunch Heist Should’ve Quit While He Was 35 Free Meals Ahead

    On a typical day, most of you probably obtain your lunch in one of several ways: ordering it on Seamless, out at a working lunch, or ferreting around the office pantry for a melange of snacks. A good day might involve getting your 11th Chop’t salad for free. If creativity and need to feel alive […]

    / Jul 2, 2014 at 1:50 PM
  • charliegasparinophone

    News

    Fox Business Senior Ballsack Correspondent Has Sources Around Every Corner

    [via @cgasparino, earlier]

    / Jan 16, 2014 at 1:37 PM
  • philkenner

    News

    Former Financial Adviser To NHL Players Attempts To Close The Book On Fraud Allegations By Luring Fortune Reporter To Arizona Chicken Coop To Tell His Side Of The Story

    Back in 2009, over a dozen NHL players, then current and former, sued golf resort developer Ken Jowdy for taking their $25 million investment in a Mexico property that never materialized, and allegedly spending the money on “lavish parties that included various female porn stars, escorts, strippers [and] party girls,” thrown “to impress ex-baseball players […]

    / Jul 1, 2013 at 3:25 PM
  • Rajat Gupta, Gary Naftalis

    News

    Rajat Gupta Wants To See Goldman Beg For It

    On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being standard, 10 being elephantiasis, how big do you think the balls are on the guy who calls up a hedge fund manager 23 seconds after his meeting with fellow board members concludes to leak inside information about that company and then, after being convicted of securities fraud and conspiracy, tells the company, which paid his legal fees, he doesn’t owe them a dime? And that maybe if they put everything into an excel spreadsheet, he’ll think about tossing them a couple dollars, but probably not?

    / Dec 17, 2012 at 3:15 PM
  • mike_mayo

    News

    Mike Mayo Is Done Waiting For Everyone Around Him To Do Their Jobs

    Because he’s had some previous success putting bankers on deadlines for complying with his demands and because he has had it up to here with financial regulators and the companies they supervise, both of which have been dragging their heels since Dodd-Frank was passed, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo appeared on CNBC today to issue a message: The time for thumb twiddling is over. Move your asses, NOW, or he’ll move them for you.

    Regulators need to write new financial services rules and banks need to get back to banking, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo told CNBC’s Squawk on the Street. “It’s been two years since Dodd-Frank was passed,” Mayo said. “If you’re the regulators, get these laws written, if you’re the banks, at some point you have to play the ball where it lies. You need to get back to the business of banking.” Mayo said there should be “no more excuses.”

    Everyone understand or does he need to enunciate? Yes? Okay: play the ball where it lies, you useless cocksuckers! If it’s in the water, roll your fucking khakis up and do something useful for once in your pathetic fucking lives.

    ‘No More Excuses’ from Banks or Regulators: Analyst [CNBC]
    Related: Mike Mayo Suggests Citi Chair Dick Parsons Be Gone In A Fortnight, Or Else

    / Nov 8, 2012 at 6:10 PM
  • News

    Lloyd Blankfein Finally Gets To Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball

    Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America’s “Least Hated Banker,” for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn’t go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn’t actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another’s misfortune, especially that of a friend, he’s obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, “only one Wall Street CEO’s balls can be in a vise at a time,” and right now it’s JD’s turn.

    Dimon did not attend the annual Robin Hood Foundation party [last night], but Blankfein was there, enjoying a rare night out of the spotlight. He shook hands, introduced his wife and, grinning broadly, posed for pictures. For months, Goldman Sachs has been portrayed as the callous Wall Street behemoth whose executives collected giant bonuses while America’s housing crisis worsened and unemployment rose. But Monday night was different. “No one cares about Lloyd tonight. It is Jamie against the world, and that’s got to feel good for Lloyd,” another hedge fund manager said.

    And this is just the beginning. First, they stop calling you Satan and claiming you poisoned their food, next glowing profiles and cover stories devoting major column inches to your rippling biceps and the throngs of women you beat off with a stick.

    Dimon Pushes Blankfein Off Hot Seat At Charity Gala [Reuters]
    Robin Hood Scene: Blankfein, Soros, Rihanna [Bloomberg/Photo]

    / May 15, 2012 at 4:16 PM
  • News

    Carol Bartz Thought The Ball-less Wonders At Yahoo Had Class

    On Tuesday afternoon, Yahoo Chief Executive Officer Carol Bartz was notified that her services at the company were no longer necessary. The message was delivered over the phone and the fact that she wasn’t given the respect of a face to face meeting wasn’t the only thing that ticked Bartz off. “I was in New […]

    / Sep 8, 2011 at 11:55 AM
  • News

    What Wall Street Can Learn From Serena Williams

    From time to time around these parts, we like to canvas the world outside Wall Street to see how they deal with certain issues, particularly those related to crisis management. Often times, there are helpful tips to be borrowed and applied to any pre or post Code Red office situations in which you might find […]

    / Aug 29, 2011 at 7:06 PM
  • News

    Bill Gross Thrilled To See Standard And Poor’s Grow A Pair

    As you may have heard, Standard and Poor’s knocked the US’s debt down to double-A plus from triple-A Friday evening. Several hours before it was made official, the ratings agency was notified their team had made some calculation errors but chose to say “fuck it, on with the downgrade.” This made a whole bunch of […]

    / Aug 8, 2011 at 9:39 AM
  • News

    Charlie Gasparino Vows To Never Stop ‘Busting’ Lloyd Blankfein’s ‘Balls’

    In a recent interview with New York, Lloyd Blankfein said “I’m tired of [Charlie] Gasparino. I wish he would quit.” Chaz apparently caught wind of Blankfein’s wish, and earlier this afternoon, took to Twitter to respond.

    / Jul 25, 2011 at 2:54 PM
  • News

    Stephen Colbert Threatens To Give Out Goldman Sachs Partner’s Credit Card Number Unless He Comes On Show

    While Stephen Colbert is all good with Wall Street bonuses, he is aware that 70% of American playa-hatas are not. He’d like someone making it rain this year to come on his show and make people understand why they money is deserved but so far no one has accepted his offer. Luckily, one of his […]

    / Dec 14, 2010 at 9:07 AM
  • News

    This Is David Tepper: With An Afro

    David Tepper ‘Always Put Everything In His Mouth’ [Daily Intel]

    / Oct 1, 2010 at 1:23 PM
  • News

    David Tepper Narrows Down His Ideas About What To Do With Billions Of Dollars

    It might seem all fun and games but there is a downside to being a billionaire. Namely, the task of coming up with what to do with your shit-tons of money. It’s not that, at 53 years old, David Tepper hasn’t had plenty of time to think about how he might put his stacks of […]

    / Sep 27, 2010 at 9:55 AM
  • News

    Here’s Why Sean Michael Carey Wants You To Punch Jamie Dimon In The Balls

    Yesterday a fellow named Sean Michael Carey started a Facebook group called “Punch Jamie Dimon (CEO of JPMorgan Chase) in the Balls,” the stated purpose being exactly that. He didn’t say why he wanted someone to inflict harm on JD’s (glorious, possibly cup-protected) sack, only that after doing so, you should add “Sean Michael Carey […]

    / Jul 9, 2010 at 4:36 PM
  • News

    California Resident Sean Carey Wants You To Do Something To Jamie Dimon’s Balls

    Generally, when the topic of Jamie Dimon comes up, vis-a-vis his nuts, and what people would like to do to them, the answers tend to veer toward “build a shrine to them,” “nuzzle them,” “gaze lovingly at them,” “have them rest on my chin,” “put them in my mouth” and “create a mold of them […]

    / Jul 8, 2010 at 3:27 PM

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