balls

Back in 2012, Bank of America branch manager Aurora Barrera was in need of a vacation. She knew a week or two would be nice, but what would be better was the kind where she never had to come back, though continued to get paid. Since HR probably wouldn’t approve of the proposal, she had to figure out something slightly more creative, which in the end involve first robbing her place of business:

Aurora Barrera, 33, of Downey, California, helped plan the theft at a Bank of America Corp. branch where she was an assistant manager, the California Department of Insurance said yesterday in a statement.

…and second, strapping on a pair of cojones the likes of which Bank of America had never seen, and doing this: Read more »

On a typical day, most of you probably obtain your lunch in one of several ways: ordering it on Seamless, out at a working lunch, or ferreting around the office pantry for a melange of snacks. A good day might involve getting your 11th Chop’t salad for free. If creativity and need to feel alive struck, you’d possibly think about sneaking into the executive dining room and swipe a couple of dinner rolls. But would you ever purchase a business class ticket out of JFK (or whatever your local airport may be), gorge yourself on free delicacies in the lounge, and then reschedule your flight so you could do it all again the next day, and the day after that? You might not, but this genius did: Read more »


[via @cgasparino, earlier]

Back in 2009, over a dozen NHL players, then current and former, sued golf resort developer Ken Jowdy for taking their $25 million investment in a Mexico property that never materialized, and allegedly spending the money on “lavish parties that included various female porn stars, escorts, strippers [and] party girls,” thrown “to impress ex-baseball players Roger Clemens, Reggie Jackson, Pete Rose, and ESPN announcer Joe Morgan,” in addition to paying himself a salary of $800,000/year and putting his brother-in-law on payroll, for no discernible reason, at $650,000/year. Although the lawsuit was ultimately dropped, the government had begun to investigate the situation and started to suspect the players’ money manager, a guy named Phil Kenner (who, according the Daily News, “billed himself as a lifestyle coach“). Four years later, even has the lawsuits by former clients rack up and the FBI investigation is said to continue, Kenner maintains his innocence. To that end, he recently spoke with Fortune reporter Katie Benner in an attempt to clear his name. Do people have it all wrong about him? Are the allegations he defrauded investors patent bull shit? We have no idea but one thing not exactly helping Kenner’s cause re: being an upstanding and not at all shady individual? Telling this story… Read more »

  • 17 Dec 2012 at 3:15 PM

Rajat Gupta Wants To See Goldman Beg For It

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being standard, 10 being elephantiasis, how big do you think the balls are on the guy who calls up a hedge fund manager 23 seconds after his meeting with fellow board members concludes to leak inside information about that company and then, after being convicted of securities fraud and conspiracy, tells the company, which paid his legal fees, he doesn’t owe them a dime? And that maybe if they put everything into an excel spreadsheet, he’ll think about tossing them a couple dollars, but probably not? Read more »

Because he’s had some previous success putting bankers on deadlines for complying with his demands and because he has had it up to here with financial regulators and the companies they supervise, both of which have been dragging their heels since Dodd-Frank was passed, CLSA analyst Mike Mayo appeared on CNBC today to issue a message: The time for thumb twiddling is over. Move your asses, NOW, or he’ll move them for you. Read more »

Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America’s “Least Hated Banker,” for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn’t go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn’t actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another’s misfortune, especially that of a friend, he’s obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, “only one Wall Street CEO’s balls can be in a vise at a time,” and right now it’s JD’s turn. Read more »

On Tuesday afternoon, Yahoo Chief Executive Officer Carol Bartz was notified that her services at the company were no longer necessary. The message was delivered over the phone and the fact that she wasn’t given the respect of a face to face meeting wasn’t the only thing that ticked Bartz off. “I was in New York to speak at Citigroup’s technology conference the next day and was told to call chairman Roy Bostock called Bartz. I called him at 6:06,” she told Fortune. “When he got on the line, he started reading a lawyer’s prepared statement to dismiss me. I said, ‘Roy, I think that’s a script. Why don’t you have the balls to tell me yourself? I thought you were classier.'” While it’s unclear why Bostock lacked the pair or the grace to go extempore, Bartz is pretty sure she knows why she was canned.

“These people fucked me over.” She adds, “The board was so spooked by being cast as the worst board in the country. Now they’re trying to show that they’re not the doofuses that they are.”

Well consider your plot foiled, boys! If anyone thought Bartz was going to go quietly, or go period, they thought wrong. Girlfriend’s not going anywhere, this much she promises you. Read more »