Banks

  • 12 Jul 2010 at 3:36 PM
  • Banks

Soho-Resident Prince Josef von Habsburg-Lothringen of Austria Not The Guy With Thought He Was

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Listen, guy, I will blow your fucking brains/hair out.

Here’s a little hope for anyone needing it on a particularly slow Monday while you possibly fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell: you could be a family abandoning, child-support dodging, drug-dealing resident of an insane asylum named Joe Meyers who spends his days asking his roommate, “WHO YOU CALLIN’ PSYCHO?” and/or unappreciated cog in the wheel and one day get the people of New York to think you’re a Prince/CEO of an unnamed bank. How? I’m glad you asked. It’s all about acting as-if. Prince Josef ne Joe, whose run ended earlier this summer when the FBI arrested him and threw him in a Michigan jail cell, went about it like this:

* Clothes: “He would walk around SoHo in banker-style suits. It was always very preppy with expensive, intellectual-looking spectacles,” said a source close to the family. “He dressed up all of the time, even the hottest days. His shirts were all very special. Everything he had was custom-made,” said David Sun, who owns Soho Dry Cleaning, where the family took their washing.

* Attitude: Claimed to own a bank and “once boasted that losing $100,000 a day meant nothing to him,” like a pro would. Continue reading »

  • 07 Jul 2010 at 3:06 PM
  • Banks

Lobbyist For Small Banks Wants Industry To Wake Up!

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You think the JPMorgans and the Goldmans and the Citis give a baker’s fuck about you? Think again! They’re just using you. Won’t remember your name in the morning, if in fact they don’t sneak out in the middle of the night. I’m sorry but it’s a fact. Continue reading »

  • 08 Jun 2010 at 4:49 PM
  • Banks

Bank Lobbyists Fighting New Provision on Trust Preferred CDOs

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Turns out mortgages weren’t the only toxic assets Wall Street decided to package into CDOs. Small community banks issued billions of dollars in trust preferred securities before the credit crunch as a way to prop up their capital cushions. Problem was, the only way they could sell the so-called TruPS to investors was to combine them with other trust-preferreds in CDOs. Continue reading »

  • 14 May 2010 at 2:53 PM
  • Banks

Gasparino: Lloyd And The Dancing Blankfeins Might Not Save Chicago Bank

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Remember that story from a few hours ago about Chicago-based ShoreBank, which was set to be seized today if it didn’t come up with the necessary scratch to survive? And how Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Citigroup, Bank of America all stepped in at the last second to raise the money, led by Lloyd Blankfein who was personally working the phones and promising people “an all-access pass to Blankfein-ville” for opening their wallets? And it looked like things were going to be okay and Lucas van Praag had already commissioned the float for the inevitable parade of GS execs Saturday afternoon? Well Charlie Gasparino, because he hates feel-good stories, is here to ruin everything, reporting that the bank may very well go down for the dirt nap (alternatively, it might not, due to the fluidity of the situation). Sayeth Chaz:

“As of now Shorebank will not get bailed out. The consortium has not agreed to a final number. They are about $25 million short of the $125 million needed. From what I understand, the consortium of Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Citigroup, Bank of America do not want to give any more money.”

Continue reading »

  • 05 May 2010 at 1:30 PM
  • Banks

Meredith Whitney: The Banks Are Wrong On Housing

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  • 12 Feb 2010 at 2:25 PM
  • Banks

Remember To Recycle (The Old Banks)

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What is one supposed to do with all the failed banks? Buy them and create a new, prettier one! Former BofA and Wachovia execs are doing just this and are seeking $1 billion to fund their mega-bank, the Blue Ridge Bank N.A., to be based in Charlotte. And they’re hiring!

Continue reading »

  • 01 Feb 2010 at 1:08 PM
  • Banks

Getting Back To Basics: What’s A Bank?

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fedwhatsabank.JPGThe Fed has a Web site that provides online training for bank directors, because “the only thing that may be missing is a basic knowledge of banking and what to consider in overseeing a bank.” Really. And, while a director’s job is “important and carries responsibility, it may not be as daunting as it first appears.” So here’s an outline of what you will learn, based on the thinking of “The legendary Green Bay Packers football coach, Vince Lombardi, who recognized the importance of teaching basics to his players.”
So, here we go. Lesson 1: What Is a Bank?

“The word “bank” evokes different mental pictures for different individuals. Some will think of the quintessential bank building with big stone columns and a large vault. Others will envision a balance sheet showing a bank’s assets, liabilities, and capital. Still others will fall back on the regulatory definition of a bank: generally, an organization that is chartered by either a state or the federal government for the purpose of accepting deposits.”

Continue reading »