Those of you who’ve been in the working world for a while have probably experienced the IM softball/soccer/basketball thing. What you probably haven’t experienced is being on a team that actually puts in the work to go all the way, rather than simply showing up to dick around for a free tee-shirt and to maybe get trashed with colleagues after games. For the men who’ve earned the privilege of serving on the JPMorgan 2012 London basketball team, things are going to be a bit different, as noted in the extremely detailed strategy email sent out by its amped up captain and obtained by Deadspin. For starters, in addition to two training sessions (plus games) each week, there’s going to be homework. Come prepared and it’s all good; show up not knowing your shit and so help you god.
From: redacted at jpmorgan dot com
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 7:11 PM
Subject: Training
Fellas,
Thanks to all of you who were able to attend last night’s session. I’m amped because we are finally approaching the right commitment levels to become a really strong squad. We have a very talented group of individuals, but our growth as a team will be dictated by the amount of work we put in together. I hope you guys share my enthusiasm for what we can become.
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According to ESPN, talks between current owner Comcast-Spectacor and Harris are “ongoing” and a deal is “imminent.” [ESPN]
Do you have a great idea for a business but have pitched it to potential investors who couldn’t spot genius if they tried? Visionaries, take heart. Seed capital is available and it’s coming from Charles Barkley. Continue reading »
UPDATE II: Second bracket is full. Go here to get in the third one.
UPDATE: Apparently we hit the limit on the first bracket so we’ve opened up a second you can sign up for here. NakedShort will reconcile the results and aggregate them at the end of the tournament. Password is the same (animalliar).
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As you may have heard, March Madness kicks off tomorrow. Despite this being the most wonderful time of the year for many, there exists one financial services hack who wants to destroy it for everyone. He’s announced his plan to (anonymously) report any colleagues he catches filling out brackets and keeping tabs on their picks during business hours. Does he work at your company? Maybe! Should you take a stand regardless? Yes! How so? By entering as many pools as you possibly can, making it impossible for him to keep up with the amount of people and their various offenses he must rat out. To that end, we’d like to help do our part. Today we introduce the First Annual Dealbreaker NCAA Tournament Challenge. You don’t need a reason to sign up besides the right to say you won the DBNCAATC but as an aside, the winner will receive dinner for him/herself plus three colleagues and/or friends at Peter Luger’s, followed by an outing to UBS favorite Beamer’s, an embroidered Patagonia and an ‘I love Dealbreaker’ button.** Continue reading »
Today’s your lucky day! This guy actually exists. Continue reading »
Something that’s never got much mention in the press is that in addition to their formidable investing savvy, many an employee of SAC Capital has been behind some of the greatest upsets in sports history. February 11, 1990. Tokyo, Japan. Buster Douglas versus Mike Tyson, Douglas is 35:1 underdog. Douglas prevails. Why? I can’t say his name but ask anyone who was there and they’ll tell you the story of a young pup from the Stamford back office whose fluffing skills between rounds Douglas to this day credits with his win. Summer Olympics 2000. Sydney, Australia. Rulon Gardner defeats Alexander Karelin. Rulon Gardner’s victory at the Sydney Olympics is the greatest upset in wrestling history. Gardener had no wins on the Olympic level, whereas Karelin had been undefeated for the last decade. Who gave Gardener some last minute tips on his Half Nelson? SAC’s head of HR at the time. March 1991. NCAA semifinal game, Duke versus UNLV. UNLV was heavily favored and hadn’t lost a game all year. Who snuck into the locker room at half time and promised the Blue Devils “hookers on the house– and these won’t talk” if they pulled out a W? A trader from SAC, always ahead of the curve. Super Bowl III, 1969. New York Jets defeat Baltimore Colts. Who convinced the entire stadium to do a topless wave the likes of which the NFL had never seen, which in turn got the team from New York pumped like no other? Who consulted on Johnny Weir’s 2010 Olympic ensembles, even throwing in a hand at the sewing machine at the last hour? Who said MORE NETTING when everyone else said less? You know the answer to all those things.
Which leads us to next year’s NBA championship. You probably thought the New Jersey Nets didn’t have a shot, right? Wrong! Not now that they’ve got this secret weapon.
Think of Milton Lee as a technical investor. Except instead of analyzing stocks or commodities, he is analyzing basketball players. A former Wall Street equities trader who has done stints at ING and S.A.C Capital, Lee has joined the refurbished New Jersey Nets as the team’s director of basketball operations. His job is to crunch the statistics of Nets players, looking not just at their scoring percentages but also at their defensive efforts and where on the court they are most successful at hitting the net.
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You know, it was one thing when Obama broke up with James Dimon and started cavorting with representatives of other banks, like Vikram Pandit and Brian Moynihan, whose asses he essentially owns anyway. But now this? UBS, is he joking? And to play basketball, which he never invited JD to do and which he knows was a sport Big D excelled at in high school, making team captain junior year? Unnecessarily cruel. [AP]
