When Bear Stearns went down for the dirt nap three years ago to the day (more on the anniversary later), many people assumed having the firm listed as a one-time employer on the résumé would be the equivalent of pulling a Merrill, i.e. it would make you categorically unemployable. Apparently these people had never heard of a guy named John Meriweather who, despite being forced to sign up investors for his latest fund down at the dog track, is proof positive that you can blow it or work for a place that (spectacularly) blows it and it will in no way affect your future prospects. According to Bloomberg and former BSC chairman Ace Greenberg, most Bear execs have “landed on their feet.” Read more »
Mary Sadrakula, pictured in both the glamour shot and mugshot at left, is a New Jersey councilwoman and a managing director at Cowen and Company. If colleagues have noticed that it seems like her head’s been in another place lately, it probably has, given that, in the last two weeks, she’s been charged with 1) assaulting her sister and 2) trying to cover up the incident. Why would a grown woman resort to physical violence- which included a punch so hard it broke a nose- toward anyone, let alone her own blood? According to the abused, it’s because Mary had an issue with the fact that her sis “is thin.” Read more »
HBO has announced the Entourage creator Doug Ellin will produce a new ensemble show featuring four 40 year-old friends living in New York. Among them: “a rich metrosexual,” “a ripped personal trainer,” “a schlumpy neurotic married guy” and a former Bear Stearns exec who made $2 million a year and has now been out of work for almost 12 months, played by Ed Burns. Jimmy Cayne has presumably been asked to consult on the project, but if anyone else has some tips for Burns on how to make this character as real a possible, please share them at this time. [Deadline]
Investment Banker And Aspiring Singer Wouldn’t Quit Job To Follow Dream Until Boss Gave His BlessingBy Bess Levin
But he didn’t want to hear it because he couldn’t bear the thought of letting her go. So she barged into his office at 6AM one day and made him face is fears. Read more »
Jimmy Cayne Pleased To Hear Word Of Ex-Bear Co-President Warren Spector’s Possible Love Of Obama/DudesBy Bess Levin
As you may have heard, Charlie Gasparino’s latest book is out October 5. It’s called “Bought And Paid For: The Unholy Alliance Between Barack Obama and Wall Street.” As you may have also heard, Jimmy Cayne is a major fan of describing every one of his opponents as a homosexual. The former Bear Stearns CEO told William Cohan Tim Geithner was a glorified gay office clerk and he described the lawyer of an an investor who sued Bear Stearns in 1996 for negligence and a breach of fiduciary duty as “a 300-pound fag from Long Island,” who Cayne confronted in the bathroom of the courthouse, while he was taking a piss, by saying “Today you’re going to get your ass kicked, big” (the attorney ran out of the room, confirming JC’s suspicions he was a fairy boy). Where does “the unholy alliance between Barack Obama and Wall Street” and conservative Jimmy Cayne’s interest in what other men do with their dicks converge? In Charlie Gasparino’s fourth contribution to literature and understanding, of course. Read more »
Ever find yourself at a bar like Turtle Bay in midtown, buying brightly colored shots that essentially have no alcohol in them and that most people past (the first semester of) their freshman year in college wouldn’t be caught dead drinking, and stop to ask your buddies a serious question which is, “You think our waitress wants a piece of this? She’s been throwing me vibes alllll night.”? You have Bryan Auld and Dominic D’Aleo to thank. The former JPM and Bear analysts co-founded Auld D’Leo in 2007, which “outsources the services of shot girls to bars in Manhattan” and that shot girl really does like you! Well, she’s actually taking pity on you/wants your money, but same diff/no diff. “For a lot of guys this could be the only time all night a girl comes up and talks to them,” said Giovanna Coluccio, one of 25 shot girls. In exchange for speaking with you, the ladies take home $300-$600 a night in tips (in addition to 25 cents per drink, which cost 15 cents to make and sell for $3 or $4). According to the co-founders, profit has increased 16% since 2007 and the ladies take business very seriously, following a list of “best practices” given to them on their first day of work.
“Personality is key. Physical looks alone will only get someone so far. Be as friendly, personable, upbeat as possible. Customers will feed off your energy.” These are the first rules in a list of best practices, or the shot-girl bible each girl memorizes before she picks up her tray. The list of 10 best practices of the trade was created by Mr. Auld. The entire stable of ladies meets weekly to discuss and tweak the curriculum of selling practices.Their product is recession proof. It’s all about micro-sales, selling something extremely cheap in mass volume. This is best practice number six: “Do not spend too much time with a patron or group of patrons. The foundation of our strategy relies on high-volume sale propositions. We must walk the fine line of being quantity salesman, while giving respect to those who purchase our items.” Among the other rules in the shot-girl bible: Never give up and always be the friendliest girl in the room. You’re not selling cheap liquor, you’re selling flirtation.
Let’s take a look at the practices in action. Read more »
Last November, Matthew Tannin and Ralph Cioffi’s days were made when, in a in a flash of prosecutorial incompetence, the dream team who ran the two ridiculously named Bear Stearns funds– High Grade Structured Credit Strategies Fund and High Grade Structured Credit Strategies Enhanced Leverage Fund– were acquitted on charges of conspiracy, securities and wire fraud, and dodged 20 years each in the big house. There was no problem whatsoever with the fact that they’d painted a rosy picture to their investors as the bottom fell out of the credit market and they moved their own money out of the time bomb which ultimately cost clients $1.6 billion and, in fact, the jury was so impressed with how the team conducted their business that many indicated 12 ready and willing investors await. Before he was proven innocent, however, Cioffi had to do a little unloading of assets, the most valuable ones being a house in Southampton, one in New Jersey (he and his wife are now in a rental) and his prized Ferraris. Now he tools around in his wife’s Honda and if you thought that’d be a source of depression, you thought wrong. Cioffi says it’s a great little car. Read more »