Bear Stearns

  • News

    Hedge Funds Fled Bear Stearns Before The Rumors Hit

    We’re a bit of a one-trick pony around here today, fighting the good fight against all those nasty speculating reporters and bankers claiming rumors are having damaging effects on the market. But it’s getting late in the day. Bank of America is still pretending it doesn’t need to cut its dividend. Merrill still won’t admit […]

    / Jul 9, 2008 at 4:26 PM
  • News

    Dennis Kneale To Jail?

    Many of you were outraged at the comment made by Bearpont Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon to Charlie Rose that the SEC should investigate the “smoke” surrounding the fall of Bear Stearns, because the mixture of gases and suspended carbon particles supposedly suggests that not only was Jimmy Cayne getting high at the office, but that […]

    / Jul 9, 2008 at 12:38 PM
  • News

    Morgan Stanley-Charlie Rose Collusion?

    So Bearpont Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon was on Charlie Rose last night talking about the purple pot smoking elephant in the room and even though it would’ve been a lot cooler if Dimon had gone on Inside The Actor’s Studio instead, it was still a pretty interesting interview. They talked about the $2, staying […]

    / Jul 8, 2008 at 12:52 PM
  • News

    Don’t You Dare Question My Journalistic Integrity When I’m Questioning Your Journalistic Integrity

    Bryan Burrough’s recent Vanity Fair article named many parties as suspect in the “murder” of Bear Stearns. But while Citadel, SAC Capital, Goldman Sachs, Jimmy Cayne’s substance abuse problem, Corey Haim and the entire cast of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose really only got quick mentions as possibilities, the pages devoted to CNBC suggested that the […]

    / Jul 2, 2008 at 3:58 PM
  • News

    Comebacks: Rich Marin, Bear Stearns Asset Management

    Not all bad news out of Bear Stearns University! BusinessWeek‘s Matthew Goldstein reports that BSC alum Richard Marin’s got a new job. Marin, the former chairman of BS Asset Mangement, recently unleashed Pointwalk Solutions Network on the world.

    / Jul 2, 2008 at 9:21 AM
  • Hedge Funds

    Who Killed Bear Stearns And Then Laughed About It At Denny’s? We’re Gonna Go With NO ONE

    Bryan Burrough’s Vanity Fair article on the downfall of Bear Stearns took nearly 16 pages to get to what most would regard as the mother of all ledes, wherein he casually mentions it is believed that a bunch of hedge fund managers “wanted [Bear] to go down, and go down hard,” naming Citadel and SAC […]

    / Jul 1, 2008 at 11:25 AM
  • News

    Who Tried (And Failed) To Save Bear Stearns?

    We’re still going through the Vanity Fair article on Bear which blames, among others, Citadel, SAC Capital, and Goldman Sachs for bringing down the 85 year-old firm. But before we start pointing fingers, let’s take a second to note the one party writer Bryan Burrough doesn’t think had a hand in blowing the place to […]

    / Jun 30, 2008 at 10:48 AM
  • News

    Bear Stearns Rips Off Another Customer

    But this time it’s serious. ‘Member those sweet limited edition BSC playing cards we told you about the other day? Commemorating Ace Greenberg’s March 8, 1999 50th anniversary with the firm? Bearing his face and money shot of the trademark bowtie? Ringing any bells? Anyway, it was the absolute best piece of Bear memorabilia on […]

    / Jun 27, 2008 at 10:12 AM
  • News

    JPMBSPNC? Stearns Morgan Mutual? Bearpont Morgan Banc?

    Despite having just changed the name on the front door of 383 Madison to reflect the newly formed JPMorgan Cayne, Jamie Dimon is said to be itching for one more big buy, having not yet conquered his substance abuse problem. Supposedly of interest to the JPM CEO are Washington Mutual and SunTrust and, to a […]

    / Jun 26, 2008 at 9:30 AM
  • News

    Bear Stearns: What Can We Do To Show Everyone We Mean Business?

    A little book of magic from our wiccan CEO.

    / Jun 25, 2008 at 12:52 PM
  • News

    Make Your Summer O’ Severance One To Remember

    Want to be the most popular guy on the beach this June/July/August? Might we suggest purchasing this Bear Stearns Asset Management beach towel and watching the ladies swarm? Add a couple cases of Mike’s HL and it won’t even be fair.

    / Jun 25, 2008 at 9:22 AM
  • News

    Alan Schwartz “Judiciously” Deciding Between Sag Harbor And Seaside

    Like many of the former Bear Stearns workers not currently employed, erstwhile CEO Alan Schwartz will be taking the summer off to plot his next career move. (Things are slightly different for Schwartz in that he has actual job offers, but whatevs.) Supposedly he’s deciding between staying with the newly formed Bearpont Morgan Chase, where […]

    / Jun 25, 2008 at 8:53 AM
  • News

    Highest Bidder Will Also Receive 2 20-Minute Magic Lessons, On The House

    Yesterday we said a Christmas card signed by alpha-generator extraordinaire Ralph Cioffi was the best item being auctioned off on eBay. Like Goldman Sachs, which self-flagellated Monday over a May 5 recommendation for investors to add to U.S. financial and consumer stocks, we just want to tell you how clearly, deeply, almost catastrophically wrong we […]

    / Jun 24, 2008 at 10:28 AM
  • News

    Seasons Greetings, From Ralph Cioffi

    Oh hell yes, my friends. Oh hell yes. Fuck business cards (unless they belong to egret-lover Sam Israel, whose b-card criminally only sold for $61). A Bear Stearns Christmas card signed by alpha-generator extraordinaire Ralph Cioffi is being auctioned off on eBay. Bidding is up to $26. To put things in perspective, this would set […]

    / Jun 23, 2008 at 4:51 PM
  • politics

    Cox to Bernanke and Paulson: “How Come You Guys Don’t Call Anymore?”

    SEC chair Christopher Cox missed the 5am conference call when Ben Bernanke and Hank Paulson decided that the Fed would lend funds to rescue Bear Stearns from bankruptcy, the Wall Street Journal reports on today’s front page. The call’s time changed and no one bothered to tell Cox, who didn’t know until he came into […]

    / Jun 23, 2008 at 1:21 PM
  • News

    Bear Stearns Execs Absolutely Floored By Extent To Which They Were Able To Con Investors

    As you know, Bear Stearns former hedge fund managers Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin were arrested this morning. The dream team was charged with securities fraud for telling clients in the pair of BSC funds created to invest in that can’t miss asset class, subprime mortgages, that nothing was fucked last year when in reality, […]

    / Jun 19, 2008 at 2:15 PM
  • News

    Bear Stearns Managers Arrested, Bear Stearns Minions Drunk

    Bear Stearns former hedge fund managers Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin were both arrested on criminal charges this morning for their pivotal roles in the whole telling investors the subprime funds were a-okay when in reality…well, you know. One would think being in charge of the two ridiculously-named and damn near impossible say three times […]

    / Jun 19, 2008 at 11:42 AM

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