Bear Stearns

  • News

    JPMorgan: Viva* Los Layoffs

    It seems like all we ever hear about is what a nice guy Jamie Dimon is, and how he’s a “giant among midgets” and his souvlaki is out of this world, but the direction he’s taking Bearpont Morgan Chase** is deeply disturbing and very much brings his judgment into question. Not two weeks ago JPMorgan’s […]

    / May 22, 2008 at 12:27 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’08: GE

    GE Commercial Finance apparently cut 500 employees today. Our tipster, who was one of the victims, had just moved over from Bear a year ago thinking he could “ride out the downcycle.” Just think– had he gone the other way, he would’ve still (probably) been out of a job, but could’ve scored some sweet BSC […]

    / May 20, 2008 at 4:58 PM
  • News

    Theory: This Was Actually Intended Soley For Jimmy Cayne But They Had To Send It To Everyone So As Not To Embarass Him

    The (very) internal Bear memo we just received is from December and yet, we feel the message bears repeating (at regular intervals, which perhaps is the case for the original recipients, who need to be reminded about this stuff). For the employees who’ve seen this before–whether you’re unsure about plans for the future or are […]

    / May 15, 2008 at 8:45 AM
  • News

    People Moves: Anyone Need A Lawyer?

    Supposedly, the lawyer who “mistakenly” included the clause about JPMorgan being responsible for Bear’s losses regardless of whether or not the deal goes through is “no longer with the firm,” as of this morning. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why. Personally, we feel he injected a much needed dose of comic relief […]

    / May 14, 2008 at 1:56 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon To Summarily Execute Thousands Of His Children To Show “All Are Equal In My Eyes”

    JPMorgan may lay off up to 4,000 of its own in the coming months. About half of the cuts are said to be related to making room for those “star” Bear Stearns employees replacing their Dimonette counterparts which, last we heard, included the entire bespoke correlation trading team. The other 2,000 are apparently being let […]

    / May 14, 2008 at 9:48 AM
  • News

    Just Wondering

    Now that Jamie Dimon has admitted that JPMorgan will make a billion dollars from the Bear deal, do you think he’ll stick to his previous promise to never again buy another failing investment bank at the last minute? BARTIROMO: You only had 48 hours to do the due diligence, correct? DIMON: That’s correct. BARTIROMO: That […]

    / May 13, 2008 at 10:14 AM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’08: JPMorgan

    Mark Petrinovic, JPM’s head of Latin American Credit, along with 4 MD’s and 1 ED, are said to have been laid off yesterday. Supposedly the cuts were “quite unexpected as they were unrelated to the Bear integration.” Which begs the question, would you rather be fired through no fault of your own, or for reasons […]

    / May 9, 2008 at 12:50 PM
  • News

    Bear Employee Surprisingly Upset With Layoff Proceedings At Bear

    I’m not exactly sure what we’re supposed to do with this but a (soon to be?) former Bear employee just bcc’d us on this message to a higher up at the bank so we’ll put it out there. That’s what we do at DealBreaker, give voices to those who cannot be heard. We’re practically a […]

    / May 9, 2008 at 11:15 AM
  • News

    Utterly Bizarre

    Something strange is going on. First, we find out that Goldman Sachs’s Global Alpha (which, for the last year, has been playing a parlor game with its colleagues under the Goldman Sachs Asset Management umbrella that involves seeing which fund can lose the most amount of money), was up 5.4 percent in April and 9 […]

    / May 8, 2008 at 1:23 PM
  • News

    With Petty Jackass, Senile Old Man Running Bear Stearns, It’s A Wonder The Thing Lasted As Long As It Did

    We thought it was impossible at this point to dig up any more evidence to support the claim that Jimmy Cayne is a dick who cared more about his recreational activities (card playing, drug use, journalism) than the company he was supposed to be running, but, damn it, it’s been done. And in the same […]

    / May 7, 2008 at 4:16 PM
  • News

    Terminated Bear Employees Won’t Need Bloomberg’s Charity?

    This seems slightly absurd but what the hey: according to Financial News, offings at Bear could exceed 10,000 and, supposedly, those being cut will receive nine months pay and one-third of last year’s bonus, cash. If anyone knows how I could get a job with the B for about a week (got some vacay days […]

    / May 5, 2008 at 4:22 PM
  • News

    Columbia Student’s Spring Break Momentarily Disrupted By Jimmy Cayne’s Carelessness

    Columbia Spectator Editor: How are we going to top the Times’ story about the UPENN kids who lost the jobs Bear promised they could have before, you know. Columbia Spectator Staff Writer: Hmm…I mean, there’ve got to be some Columbia kids in the same situation, no? I could interview a bunch of them? CS E: […]

    / May 5, 2008 at 3:29 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’08: JPMorgan. You Heard Me Right.

    Apparently JPM has let go of their entire bespoke correlation trading team, to make room for the Bear guys, who will supposedly be getting their jobs.

    / May 1, 2008 at 2:36 PM
  • News

    Ya Think?

    Forbes notes today that while Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein may have been paid an “obscene” $314,894 a (working) day in 2007, he actually took home less of the bank’s overall profits than most of his counterparts on the Street, who, how to put this, made their firm’s jack, and still proceeded to reward themselves […]

    / May 1, 2008 at 11:19 AM
  • News

    Next Best Thing To A Free Sandwich: A Bunch of Hedge Fund Guys Get Fired

    Here’s a lil’ pick me up for all you bankers thinking you’re the only ones taking it up the tailpipe– JWM Partners, the fund started by John Meriwether after things started to go downhill at LTCM, which recently lost 24 percent in its $1 billion fixed-income hedge fund this year through March 14, just laid […]

    / Apr 29, 2008 at 12:43 PM
  • News

    Alan Greenberg’s Big Gift

    We went on record the other day saying that we try and stay away from making fun of charitable donations of any kind. And, damn it, UBS woman who boxed us into the corner, we’re sticking to it. Just know that we’re grappling with a banging our head against the desk level of frustration here, […]

    / Apr 28, 2008 at 10:30 AM
  • News

    This Pleases Jamie Dimon Very Much

    Ken Griffin has poached yet another JPMorgan senior exec. This time it’s Derek Kaufman, most recently global head of fixed income in the bank’s proprietary positioning group. Last week we felt badly for JD and his mounting personnel losses. Now we’re convinced he’s behind them. Slowly but surely, his plan for a Bear-saturated JPM is […]

    / Apr 23, 2008 at 4:45 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Looking For That Jimmy Cayne Feeling

    Don’t let the fact that they’re firing upwards of 9,000 employees fool you—JPMorgan is trying desperately to recreate that Bear Stearns magic over on Park. The Post reports that Jamie Dimon is rallying hard to retain the services of many of the senior executives who led the bank to its brilliant demise, at all costs. […]

    / Apr 23, 2008 at 1:35 PM
  • News

    Thais Balk and Gawk As US Homeowners Walk

    It’s the hot season in Thailand. The sun blazes, the air simmers and I’m covered in perspiration that simply has nowhere to go in this heat. It’s like sex without air-conditioning on the hottest day in August in New York City. A slow, limp breeze blows across the Phuket beach off the Andaman Sea, providing […]

    / Apr 22, 2008 at 8:51 AM
  • News

    Non-Layoffs Watch ’08

    Apparently Bear’s Financial Analytics and Structured Transactions group will continue existing at that bank on Park; “all current and new hires have been ask come along for the ride less than two block walk.”

    / Apr 16, 2008 at 3:51 PM
  • News

    Bear Trader To GS

    Obviously when we’re talking about JPMorgan and Bear Stearns (and really just life in general but in this particular case, the little deal that’s going on between these two specifically) the question we have to be constantly asking ourselves is, where does Goldman fit in? And, more to the point, how does Goldman benefit? You […]

    / Apr 16, 2008 at 3:02 PM
  • News

    The Most Awesome DealBreaker Contest Ever Today

    As you know, JPMorgan is extending the welcome wagon to a very, very select group of Bear Stearns employees, which may include Alan Schwartz and will most definitely exclude the disabled. New “hires” are said to be receiving gift baskets filled with JPM t-shirts, JPM pens, a nagging feeling that they’re not good enough, and […]

    / Apr 15, 2008 at 2:36 PM
  • News

    Blood Dimon

    Says the “not senior enough to have been involved in the initial negotiations” JP Morgan employee: Our boss had a tricky path to thread – he had to succeed in the task of preventing Bear’s fall, but had also to ensure that he was acquiring it at a price that reflected the potential risk to […]

    / Apr 15, 2008 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Latent Defects

    The news that Bear Stearns, suddenly it would seem, has become the subject of a number of SEC inquiries, including anti-competitive bidding in municipal securities going all the way back to 1990, violation of consumer protection laws and several other kitchen sinks, is sort of, well, amusing. That reserve fund for legal issues that JP […]

    / Apr 15, 2008 at 11:23 AM
  • News

    Crack Bankruptcy Team: A Special (And Especially Long) DealBreaker Report

    It doesn’t take much but a quick look at the recent S-4 filing to realize that the JPMorgan-Bear deal was a lot less certain than most accounts have highlighted. We can begin the story with familiar territory: On the morning of Wednesday, March 12, 2008, Mr. Schwartz participated in the CNBC interview and addressed Bear […]

    / Apr 15, 2008 at 9:30 AM
  • News

    Raise Your Hand If You’re 100 Percent Pleased With Your Bear Experience

    Did Bear trick a bunch of Chinese guys into thinking shares of BSC were worth something? I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But it wouldn’t be the first time (talkin’ about Citic here). H. Roger Wang, a billionaire who operates high-end retail stores in China, claims that he and his wife were “duped” into […]

    / Apr 11, 2008 at 3:43 PM
  • News

    Lehman: Sucking Less Than Bear

    Lehman might’ve liquidated a bunch of tanking funds late yesterday, and been down three percent in early trading this morning but the Brothers managed to avoid complete and total social leprosy when analyst Mike Mayo deemed them “not Bear.” In fact, Dick Fuld was said to be so happy at being labeled as anything at […]

    / Apr 10, 2008 at 2:00 PM

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